.This is very much how I feel about this. Having spent the last few years going through this with my dad and still being in my 20s, I'd be lying if I said (like others I'm sure) I don't mourn the life I could otherwise have.
Having only just turned 61 and being in good health otherwise, my dad could well live for decades yet.
The last 18 months - 2 years have been hell and the thought of going on for even one more year is soul destroying. I haven't been able to mourn my mum who passed 18 months ago, I've lost a good career and my social life is pretty much non existent.
I know this sounds selfish, but I very much would like my own life. Having spoken about this in light of his own mother's dementia, I know my dad wouldn't have wanted this.
I'm actively looking into good care homes and also pursuing CHC funding.
Has anyone faced negative opinions from friends and family about full time care?
Some friends seem to think no matter what my dad should stay at home They hear the tales of violence, incontinence, anxiety etc and say "it's tough", "you're doing well" yet shriek at the thought of full time care. One friend even suggested that in another 10 years, everything would be ok - I don't know what she thinks will happen in 10 years' time that'll remedy this situation. With all due respect to other people's ages on this forum, I'll be close to 40 in ten years' time and if the situation stays the same, I'll have spent over a 3rd of my life caring for my dad by that point.
If CHC funding doesn't work out for him, at least he has assets to pay for his care; if I spend the next 10 years as a carer, I won't have a penny to retire on, let alone pay for my own care should I need it.
I don't want to be so asinine as to suggest that people who have never faced a situation like this shouldn't offer their points of view. But I find it difficult to put up with people who haven't even asked what day to day life is like, (or, shock horror, contemplate that full time care might be better for the PWD) yet remain so dogged in their belief that family should always do it.
Re Medication, it's been a huge help to my dad to help control his violence, anxiety and depression. Though it needs a review as his day centre have asked that he not return until he's seen the mental health team after yet another violent outburst.
lhtl, my children are just a little older than you. I would be horrified if I thought they were giving up their life for me. Take no notice of your no doubt well-meaning friends. Find a good care home for your dad.