Can anyone advise me what to say when a dementia patient asks a question & the answer is going to upset them?
My 90yr old mum-in-law has had dementia for 4 years now & we have managed to care for her, with the help of carers, in her bungalow which she lived in with her husband until his death 15 years ago.
As her confusion has progressed she has stopped talking about her late husband – the last time being over a year ago. However over the last few weeks she has been asking the carers where her husband is. Today was the first time she asked me, as I was leaving, and I didn’t know the right thing to say. When I told her he was no longer with us she wanted to know what I meant. I then said he had passed away a few years ago & that we were looking after her. This brought her to the verge of tears & she kept saying ‘My husband?’
What should I say when she asks again? Should I risk upsetting her & try & explain he is dead or is there a better way to deal with these kind of questions? It upset my husband that his mum got so upset over where his dad was. We just don’t know the best way to deal with it.
My 90yr old mum-in-law has had dementia for 4 years now & we have managed to care for her, with the help of carers, in her bungalow which she lived in with her husband until his death 15 years ago.
As her confusion has progressed she has stopped talking about her late husband – the last time being over a year ago. However over the last few weeks she has been asking the carers where her husband is. Today was the first time she asked me, as I was leaving, and I didn’t know the right thing to say. When I told her he was no longer with us she wanted to know what I meant. I then said he had passed away a few years ago & that we were looking after her. This brought her to the verge of tears & she kept saying ‘My husband?’
What should I say when she asks again? Should I risk upsetting her & try & explain he is dead or is there a better way to deal with these kind of questions? It upset my husband that his mum got so upset over where his dad was. We just don’t know the best way to deal with it.