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What to look for..day care onto respite then to permanent care

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Kjn, Oct 4, 2015.

  1. Kjn

    Kjn Registered User

    Jul 27, 2013
    Ive read a few comments that saybetter to find a place to start dad off with day care, to then start him on respite . Would it then be better to have permanent care in same place later if needed?
    Any advice at all welcome, feel like I don't know where to start .
  2. nannylondon

    nannylondon Registered User

    Apr 7, 2014
    Hi Kjn I have no experience of day care (OH refused to go ) but when he went into permanent care he went to the care home where he had been for respite and it did make it easier as staff knew him and it was familiar surroundings for him hope this helps you xx
  3. sleepless

    sleepless Registered User

    Feb 19, 2010
    The Sweet North
    I have only limited experience I'm afraid, in that my husband attends a day centre. I find that this gives me a good few hours in which to do jobs, attend appointments myself etc. I take him there and pick him up myself, which takes an hour out of the time, but I do get a good six hours to myself. From experience with both my parents being collected by minibus I knew that this can often lead to stress for both carer and cared for as the transport would rarely arrive at the same time, and my mum used to get really fed up on the drive back, as she was last one home! I know that some daycare facilities have much shorter hours too, with less flexibility than the one we use. I like the fact that I don't need to worry if hubby asks for the toilet just as we're about to leave the house -- I just get him there when it suits us. When we had a volunteer sitter for two hours this wasn't long enough to be of any benefit to me really. But it did serve a useful purpose in that it helped to get my hubby used to being without me for a while, and I did appreciate that.
    Several times on TP I have read of people attending day care in a care home setting, and eventually going on to have respite and eventually to live in the same care home. This sounds a good idea, as they will be used to the staff and other residents.
    I didn't go through Adult Social Care, have not dealt with a Social Worker, just went along with my husband and a friend to check the day centre out, liked what I saw and took it from there.
    Others will have different experiences and suggestions I'm sure, so I hope you will be able to get some help for your parents KJN.
  4. lizzybean

    lizzybean Registered User

    Feb 3, 2014
    Hi Kjn, my MIL goes to day care once a week (currently trying to get a second day for her) she absolutely loves it. It is not connected to a care home so I cannot get respite through it & personally have no knowledge of respite/care homes.

    I took her for the first few weeks but now she goes by their transport. I have to ring her an hour before hand so that she gets ready & normally she is kind of not to keen cos it's fairly early & she's not too good first thing. However if I ring her after she is home she always tells me what a good day she's had.
    She sometimes tells me she wishes she could go another day as well, which is why I'm keen to get another day.
  5. Kjn

    Kjn Registered User

    Jul 27, 2013
    Thank you xx
  6. Kjn

    Kjn Registered User

    Jul 27, 2013
    #6 Kjn, Feb 26, 2016
    Last edited: Feb 26, 2016
    Dad now attends full days of day care twice a week, mon and tue. Loves it ..as does mum !
    He has been pretty settled so as yet we havnt done anything about respite. Until now!
    These past few weeks dad has become sundowning I feel, slamming things when he needs to go out to a meeting ??. Walks around from teatime with his coat and hat , also extra coat under his arm! Aggressive , ranting when can't get out (door locked) , she can delay him so long but it's draining her.

    A recent customer was here and was off to visit care home for dementia suffering parents locally, she has been wonderful emailing me her findings and info.
    She did say she has found it very hard to find Emi care locally, should I be looking for this ?
    I'm on a respite hunt now , nowhere has designated dementia beds anymore having to give them up to full time care :( so case of slot in where you can, if you can.
    Any advice re respite , what to do, ask when I go looking at places would be so helpful.
    Blind leading the blind here x
  7. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    I do think if it is possible to try to get a respite bed in a home where they do have more than one person on respite and will commit to 'buddying' them up. Under pressure from carers hertfordshire have just built a unit with i think 8 respite beds which I think is a fantastic step forward. people on respite have different needs from those going in to full time permanent care - respite is quite disruptive for someone who already has confusion around people and places and it is only for a short time so settling in needs to be fast and furious!! They often don't have many 'possessions' around them and so they may need more one to one time which is hard to get in any home.
    It might be worth looking further afield but having said all that a good home will put in the necessary effort.
    I think the stepped approach is wise if possible but it isn't always possible as not all places have day care in residential homes and it takes some searching to find them. We have only one locally and they don't advertise - I found out through our carers cafe.
  8. Kjn

    Kjn Registered User

    Jul 27, 2013
    Thanks fizzie but there arnt any like that, None. If someone else happens to be on respite then there will be , but sadly nothing like that available.Looking further afield ? It needs to be somewhere my mum can visit not 2hours drive away.
    You are lucky having such a unit. There is nothing like that here.
    His day care doesn't do respite , but there was no day care to suit in local care homes.
  9. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    yes i know it is really tough! Ours is a long way away, not good for local visiting unless you live on the other side of the county lol but you are right it is a very good change. My only advice is to see if you can get the home to allocate a kind of 'buddy' - a few intros do help people settle sometimes . Good luck
  10. Kjn

    Kjn Registered User

    Jul 27, 2013
    Thanks . The girl I spoke to weirdly is from where I live and was so helpful, she sent me brochure then rang me yesterday to see I'd got it. She was off today so il ring her back Monday see what more I can find out .

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