hi everyone, hope you are all muddling through ok, i have a little (or not so little) dilemma. The background in short is - Mum has genetic early-onset alzheimers, not sure what 'official stage' she would be described as but she is still walking, though not up straight or very far, she sometimes talks but not in context mostly and she can't answer direct questions. She is also unable to cope with her own personal care. Currently Dad looks after her weekends and evenings and a carer comes in weekdays during the day while dad is at work. so, to the dilemma... some days dad sounds relatively up-beat and is managing ok. other days he is clearly struggling (as you would expect!). I am in Manchester at uni (they are in London) and so am not much hands-on help, all i do is ring as often as i can. I have a sister, who is fabulous with Mum, loves her to bits and does everything she can. The problem is that her and my Dad haven't got on for as long as i remember. This isnt just how 'all families have their fights' (unfortunately), it is at the point where she will only deal with him when she has to for Mum, and when that happens it invariably ends in arguing. So. My concern is that what to do when Dad can't cope with Mum at home anymore because my sister is adamant that she won't see Mum going into care. I understand where she is coming from, its not like anyone wants to see that but i sort of also see it as innevitable. From her perspective, if Dad says he needs Mum to go into care it's because that 'suits him', whereas i really don't think this would be the case. Her alternative is to stop working herself and care for Mum, but this would only be financially viable if she could move in to Mum and Dads house and look after her there. The problem there is that she wouldn't do that if Dad was living there - but where would he go!? the more i type this the more absurd the whole scenario sounds - but none the less its where i'm at....! So i either have to convince my sister that at some point when dad can't cope we have to consider a care home, or i have to find somewhere for my Dad to live so that my sister can look after mum.... both sound impossible (in particular getting Dad to give up his home). gosh. i feel either way will be an uphill battle, involving mass arguments and many tears.... well, this has ended up being far longer than planned, apologies, and thanks for reading. If anyone has any pearls of wisdom, or has been in a similar situation, or has any idea how to broach the idea of care with my sister without causing much upset!? Cheers, Suzanna PS: off to see the genetic counsillor now.... but that is a whole other story!