what to do!

[justjen]

Hi all, I'm new to this so excuse any rambling. My Mum was diagnosed with dementia in June but is rapidly getting worse. She is 81, my Dad is 85 and cannot walk and has to have carers in 4 times a day to get him out of bed to chair etc.

My problem is that Mum most of the time doesn't recognise Dad and thinks it's someone else sat in the chair. At first she didn't seem to be too bothered but then went on to accusing him of going off with the carers. Now she is getting very frustrated and sometimes quite verbally aggressive to him wanting to know where Dad is and why is he always there instead. Tonight she has been the worst we've seen and seemed quite worried about going to bed and very very confused.

I feel so sorry for Dad as he can't get up and walk away for a break at all. I did take her out shopping for a bit last week but she tires easily as she has MS as well. Also although I live next door, I work and have all my family still at home and cannot be sitting in with Mum in all my spare time to keep her calm.

I really don't know what to do next and I'm starting to be slightly concerned for Dad's safety as she has previously thrown a small cat toy at him and one evening after the carers had put him to bed he said that she came back downstairs and started having a go at him again. Even he was worried and said he was just laying there thinking she was going to hit him.

I've told him to phone the doc's tomorrow but that's not easy as she's always there and I have to be at work at 9 so can't do it myself.

Any help would be really appreciated.

Thanks

 

[susy]

Hi justjen, this must be a worry. Do you think the time has come when your mum doesn't recognise your dad as her husband? Sees him as a stranger? Does she recognise you? I'm thinking along the lines that maybe the time has come for your mum to go into care. How do you feel about that? I'm thinking your dad is possibly at risk from her escalating behaviour. How about a social services assessment and see what they say.

 

[jaymor]

Hello Justjen and welcome to the forum.

Your Dad is very vulnerable, he can't escape your Mother's behaviour and this is a worry. There are two people needing some help. Do they have any help at the moment other than carers coming in during the day? If not it is important that they get some as neither can help the other. You can contact the doctor or SS and explain the problem. Make sure they understand that they are two vulnerable adults at risk because of their situation.

Keep posting, you will find so much support and help on here.

Good luck,

Jay




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