What to do when Mum won't shower or clean her teeth?

[Susan.J.]

My Mum was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Dementia just over one week ago, and is in Stage 4. She's always been a very clean person, but lately, (even before her diagnosis) won't shower every day or clean her teeth. I encourage her by saying things like "You can clean your teeth before mine, that way you can take as long as you want" etc. She still cleans them in the morning only, and will have a shower every 2 days. She does smell at times, and must feel very unrefreshed. She also doesn't change her clothes often. I've bought her some new clothes to try and encourage her to wear fresh clothes, but she refuses to change them. Does anyone have any ideas as to how I can help her improve her cleanliness? Thanks.

 

[Beate]

It's a very common problem and reasoning won't help much.

Make sure the bathroom is nice and warm. Some PWDs fear water from above so try to sit her on a shower board and get the water at her from a different angle. Or try a bath. If that doesn't help, try wet wipes. If she does get in the shower, immediately squirrel her clothes away and replace with fresh ones. But honestly, unless someone is incontinent, daily showers are in my opinion not necessary or something to get het up about. A shower every other day and clean teeth once a day is better than nothing. Try to go with the flow.

 

[Susan.J.]

Thanks Beate. Will do this.

 

[Ed1964]

My Mum was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Dementia just over one week ago, and is in Stage 4. She's always been a very clean person, but lately, (even before her diagnosis) won't shower every day or clean her teeth. I encourage her by saying things like "You can clean your teeth before mine, that way you can take as long as you want" etc. She still cleans them in the morning only, and will have a shower every 2 days. She does smell at times, and must feel very unrefreshed. She also doesn't change her clothes often. I've bought her some new clothes to try and encourage her to wear fresh clothes, but she refuses to change them. Does anyone have any ideas as to how I can help her improve her cleanliness? Thanks.

Susan, clean teeth everyday, a shower every other day? Worry not, that;s cleaner than a lot of people who aren't ill! It isn't putting anyone in danger etc....why hassle her? Just go with it. On the clothes front, might be worth a go to put out clothes for tomorrow before she goes to bed - it might be the choosing that's the problem. Shove dirty clothes in the machine as soon as - then they're not available for re-wearing. But try not to hass too much - it doesn't help!

Ed

 

[Susan.J.]

Hi Ed, I don't hassle her, I ask her in a kind way.

 

[Susan.J.]

It's my problem, I have OCD and am fussed about cleanliness. I apologize if I seemed as though I hassle her. Maybe I do.

 

[nicoise]

It's my problem, I have OCD and am fussed about cleanliness. I apologize if I seemed as though I hassle her. Maybe I do.

I doubt it's that - not washing, changing clothes or cleaning teeth seems to be a very common feature with dementia - these were very much the early signs that alerted me to my mother's dementia before diagnosis.

And often previously it seems that the person was fastidious with their personal cleanliness, but now couldn't care less and seems oblivious of the result... I think it also becomes part of trying to maintain a PWD's dignity when all is slipping away, so we mind for them.

As has been said, try not to worry too much, because it will probably only be you it affects. Grab opportunities where possible and less resisted to achieve a modicum of personal hygiene when you can - wet wipes, dry shampoo, a visit to the hairdresser for a wash and blow-dry perhaps, might help.

In Australia you have slightly warmer (an understatement!) weather than we do here, and showering frequently is regarded as a very necessary norm - we get away with it a little more here in our chilly climate!

 

[Bill Owen]

Keeping clean

my mum was diagnosed with alzheimer's dementia just over one week ago, and is in stage 4. She's always been a very clean person, but lately, (even before her diagnosis) won't shower every day or clean her teeth. I encourage her by saying things like "you can clean your teeth before mine, that way you can take as long as you want" etc. She still cleans them in the morning only, and will have a shower every 2 days. She does smell at times, and must feel very unrefreshed. She also doesn't change her clothes often. I've bought her some new clothes to try and encourage her to wear fresh clothes, but she refuses to change them. Does anyone have any ideas as to how i can help her improve her cleanliness? Thanks.

hi im bill. Sorry im dislix so baer with me .my wife had lewy body dem.pass away in march this year. Had the same porblem. What i did with her clothes i had her to help pick her own clothes.to wear.she like that.on her teeth, well thats is a hit or miss .but dont be to hard on her has this is the illnsssssss. She can help it .i had a ch lift from the socle worker .this help her to go up and down in the barth.with bubble bath foam .littel thing will help with this illnessss. You have to think out side the box.be strong keep cool .and i send you a welsh cwch.

 

[Susan.J.]

Thanks nicoise. She had a wash with body wash and a warm washer, she seems to prefer that to showering, as long as she's clean and feels refreshed, all good! Yes, Australia has a hot climate, we're in Winter at the moment, and it's quite chilly. Mum loves rugging up warm in the new onesie I bought her, keeps her warm. She has kept her dignity to this point, so there really is no problem. It's just my OCD always alerts me to the smallest change in hygiene, I need to learn to overcome that, well keep working on it.

 

[Susan.J.]

Nice to meet you Bill. Thanks.

 

[Ed1964]

Hi Ed, I don't hassle her, I ask her in a kind way.

Oh, I didn't mean 'hassle' hassle! ~Just trying to say to go with some (non dangerous) behaviours in general - and to keep context - which I know is not easy. 'In the grand scheme' it doesn't matter if someone only does their teeth once a day, does it? No, it doesn't!
Lots of behaviours with dementing people can make carers baulk or worry or upset, but in and of themselves, they don't really matter. That's all. (I used to get fed up with my mum turning her TV off and claiming that it was broken. I told her off quite a lot, when I should have just turned it back on...or changing her gas supplier every week, when I should have just cancelled it every week instead of moaning).
Ed

 

[Susan.J.]

I see what you're saying. This is new to me, I have a lot to learn. Thanks Ed.

 

[Ed1964]

I see what you're saying. This is new to me, I have a lot to learn. Thanks Ed.

Thanks for understanding. Sorry, I'm quite stern sometimes with my 'so what's! I mean it though - and I learned something from a friend who has a son with learning difficulties (just as a for instance thing). The lad is very noisy when we go out to a park - or for lunch etc. A lot of people would be embarrassed, but my friend is not. He says " Is he hurting anyone? No, he's just expressing himself the only way he can. I don't care if people look at us in a funny way or move away or whatever. Let them. I'm not shutting him away for the convenience of others." The boy is only happy in a green t-shirt and shorts. So that's what he wears. Y'know? Dementing people don't always conform. but hey, it's not a crime...

Ed

 

[Susan.J.]

You're welcome Ed, I get what you mean.