What to do for the best?

[BabsS]

Im so lost and confused in teying to help my Mam.

She's 95, in a care home and showing all the signs of end of life with dementia. Losing weight (3 kgs this week alone), cant sit up herself, cant walk, eating only very limited amounts (perhaps 3 spooons of mash per day). We have asked for her to remain in bed where she is comfortable and sleeping a lot, she always preferred her own room and didnt like being in the communal room. Now the home want to move her to sit in the residents lounge every day (they say to ptevent bed sores) but we know Mam wouldnt want this, shes too fragile and just wants to sleep. I feel our wishes and knowledge of Mam and what she would eant is being ignored. Im so emotional and stsrt crying when trying to get the point across to them. She wants to be left in peace. They keep talking of prolonging her life for as long as possible and making her eat more and give supplements. Shes tired, we know she wants to just go to sleep and be at peace. Why are they insisting on this. Im so frustrated. Any advice?

 

[BabsS]

Ps, sorry for the terrible typing, writing through tears and predictive text!

 

[Sue741215]

I'm so sorry to hear of the problems you are facing at such a difficult time. You talk of we so I am hoping that you have support from other family members. I don't have any experience to help with this but think if I were you I would ring the dementia helpline who should be able to advise you how to deal with the home in these circumstances.

 

[Veritas]

Im so lost and confused in teying to help my Mam.

She's 95, in a care home and showing all the signs of end of life with dementia. Losing weight (3 kgs this week alone), cant sit up herself, cant walk, eating only very limited amounts (perhaps 3 spooons of mash per day). We have asked for her to remain in bed where she is comfortable and sleeping a lot, she always preferred her own room and didnt like being in the communal room. Now the home want to move her to sit in the residents lounge every day (they say to ptevent bed sores) but we know Mam wouldnt want this, shes too fragile and just wants to sleep. I feel our wishes and knowledge of Mam and what she would eant is being ignored. Im so emotional and stsrt crying when trying to get the point across to them. She wants to be left in peace. They keep talking of prolonging her life for as long as possible and making her eat more and give supplements. Shes tired, we know she wants to just go to sleep and be at peace. Why are they insisting on this. Im so frustrated. Any advice?

You could consider involving your mother's GP here, if the home staff really aren't listening to you. I agree with you that it sounds as if she is quietly fading away, and the kindest thing to do is to just let her, while making sure that she is comfortable and not distressed. I wonder whether you are dealing with some relatively inexperienced staff at the moment? Perhaps having a chat with whoever is in charge of the home might help - but if you've already tried that, I'd certainly get the GP in if it was my mother.

 

[BabsS]

Ps, sorry for the terrible typing, writing through tears and predictive text

You could consider involving your mother's GP here, if the home staff really aren't listening to you. I agree with you that it sounds as if she is quietly fading away, and the kindest thing to do is to just let her, while making sure that she is comfortable and not distressed. I wonder whether you are dealing with some relatively inexperienced staff at the moment? Perhaps having a chat with whoever is in charge of the home might help - but if you've already tried that, I'd certainly get the GP in if it was my mother.

Thank you Veritas, we hsve a meeting this morning with the GP and care home manager. I feel the home arent equipped to look after her in bed and try to get all residents in 1 room so its less work for them. Trying hard to stay level headed when I just really want to scream at them to just leave her be

 

[jugglingmum]

My mum is still mobile but if she wants to stay in her room she can and staff check on her, encouraging her to go to bed rather than sleep in a chair.

If bedsores are a risk then an airflow matress and a suitable chair are necessary

 

[Veritas]

Ps, sorry for the terrible typing, writing through tears and predictive text

Thank you Veritas, we hsve a meeting this morning with the GP and care home manager. I feel the home arent equipped to look after her in bed and try to get all residents in 1 room so its less work for them. Trying hard to stay level headed when I just really want to scream at them to just leave her be

Well they certainly ought to be able to manage someone who is bedbound! It’s not exactly unusual…

I hope this afternoon’s meeting results in there being a care plan everyone can support. Keep us posted - really feel for you. You shouldn’t have to be fighting her corner like this.