What to do for the best


Registered User
Jun 22, 2008
Hi Everyone

I have just registered with the site because my mother has just been discharged from hospital for the second time. Her consultant said she isn't fit to live alone but social services have other ideas. She sees lots of people who have passed years earlier; she doesn't know where she is a lot of the time and yesterday 3 days after being allowed home took herself into town and had another fall she was taken home by ambulance. I live 100 miles away as does my sister we are wondering about getting her into a home but feeling very guilty about it.


Registered User
Jan 31, 2004
near London
Hello Hem and welcome to Talking Point.

I have moved your thread into the main forum where more members will see it.

Was your mother in hospital with dementia-related issues, or was it something else?

Has she been diagnosed, formally?


Registered User
Nov 28, 2005
Hello Hem:

but social services have other ideas
I will be interested to hear what SS have in mind. Can they ensure she is safe from falling etc? - I doubt that very much.
Did she take herself off to town because she needed something desperately - maybe a care worker could do shopping for her.

What does your Mum want to do? Is she adamant about being independent or would she like the comfort of a care home?

There are many questions and whilst I think a proper assessment by SS is worthwhile, you do need to search alternatives that will suit you all.

I am sure you will get other replies but it would be good to know more about your Mother and about her diagnosis.

Best wishes Jan


Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
SW Scotland
I live 100 miles away as does my sister we are wondering about getting her into a home but feeling very guilty about it.
Hi Hem, welcome to TP.

Please don't feel guilty about considering a care home for your mum. It sounds as if she needs supervision, once falls start, they tend to come more and more frequently. It's often the loss of balance, that happens in dementia, though it may be for some other reason in your mum's case.

There's no reason to feel guilty, you are worried about your mum's safety, and looking for the best solution for her. Would she be willing to go into care, or is she fiercely independent?

It might be an idea for you and your sister to start looking at homes to see what is available, Would it be possible for you to get her into a home near you, so that you could visit regularly? That might be a selling point for your mum.

There's an AS factsheet on finding a care home here:


All the best,


Registered User
Jun 22, 2008
Thank you for your replies.

Mum went into hospital after a fall on her way to church in which she broke her elbow. She was normal if that makes sense until she had her operation some 4 days later then she started seeing animals and alsorts of other things. Two weeks later she was discharged to her home with no care package or anything in place. My sister stayed with her for 2weeks and 3 days after she left she went back into hospital with a low sodium/ potasium level. On her latest discharge papers it does refer to alzheimers but I have not seen the papers my self. She now has careres coming in for half an hour three times a day SS don't do 24hr care!! Mother has started accusing family of pinching her pension cards and cash. She doesn't want to go into a home but I begin to question whether she would know as she keeps asking us to take her home when she is actually at home. Before hospitalisation 8 weeks ago she used her bus pass to go all over taking in shows and was very independent also volunteering every other week at a hospital shop. We can't understand why all of this has happened so quickly.


Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
SW Scotland
Hi again, Hem

It is upsetting when things happen so quickly, isn't it?

It could have been the anaesthetic that has had such an effect on tour mum, it can do that with dementia. On the other hand, she could have had a slight stroke, which could also have produced that effect. Or it could be that she has a fast-developing dementia.

None of us can answer that one, you need to see her doctor, and ask for her to be referred for diagnosis. I'd recommend you do this first.

I'm afraid the care package she has is likely to be the best you will get. No SS (to my knowledge) will provide 24-hour care, and three visits a day is as good as it gets.

I'd get that diagnosis as soon as possible, and go from there.

Members online

Forum statistics

Latest member