What should I expect from a care home?

[Frankie147]

My partner was admitted to a care home last Wednesday straight from almost a year in hospital, firstly treated for depression and then they moved onto the dementia side of things.
A Best Interests meeting ok place where it was said that he would be discharged into a care home, which happened last Wednesday.
My partner in some ways is quite a young 74 year old, but with dementia and depression.
Breakfast is served in their individual rooms, the majority of them also decide to have lunch in their room, but my partner is one of the handful that do use the dining room. Tea is served at about 4 o’clock, again served in their room, and supper at about 8 o’clock is once again served in their rooms. I don’t think is healthy, surely they need to socialise as much as they can? Also, their is a programme of activities but half of them don’t happen as the residents don’t go, they just stay in their rooms, either on their bed or in a chair.
Breakfast is cereal, or maybe chopped up egg in toast, lunch is the only hot meal of the day. Tea is 2 triangular sandwiches, a packet of crisps or similar, and a yogurt or ice cream. Supper is the same sort of option as their tea.
Am I expecting too much? Should the staff not be encouraging residents to be more social, staying in their rooms most of the day is very unhealthy in my eyes.
I have had to complain to the manager several times, my partner tells me he is hungry, I take him fruit and chocolate every day.
Today when I checked his folder at 2oclock he was viewed as relaxing on his bed, and at 3 o’clock he was offered a hot drink, the time when I got there was 1.30, I looked at his folder at 1.50, I was so angry when I took his folder to the manager to show her, she got the carer to come and apologise. Most of the other residents do t seem to have any visitors, who is looking out for them??
I have spoken to Social Services about all of this today, we need to get a Needs assessment done so I have stressed I am not happy with what’s happened, we are paying £1360 a week for this service?
I am talking tomorrow to the hospital where he was discharged from last week, I can’t leave him there as he will deteriorate very quickly, the hospital Best Interest Meeting said he could only be discharged to a care home, which is what I did to the best of my ability, several of the care homes refused to even see him as they said his needs would not be possible, mostly because of his age compared to the rest of their residents and his request for some male residents/staff for company and men’s talk, any thoughts please?

 

[Muttimuggle]

I don't think you are expecting too much. I think there should be an expectation that care homes encourage socialisation and some activity. The only reason I could see for these things being so lacking would be a Covid infection within the home...but surely you would have learned about that. What they lied about, if I understand you correctly, regarding him being viewed to be doing things in a time which hadn't yet happened seems totally unacceptable - unless someone had filled something in, mistakenly, for a day which had already passed. Even then it should be surely logged more carefully.
Are you able to do some more of your own research into care homes within your local area?Can you have him transferred to another of your choice? You can look at the CQC which will tell you how the care home has most recently been rated after an inspection. I really hope you can find somewhere to suit his needs more adequately soon.

 

[brambles]

Just for comparison @Frankie147 , My mum is in a carehome in the NW of England
. The fees are only half of what your husband is paying, Breakfast is usually cereal and toast. lunch is a good hot meal with pudding. Tea is soup and the choice of sandwiches or a hot meal and a dessert or cake... Hot drinks and biscuits are served between meals and at suppertime. All meals are homemade and the food is lovely. In addition they often have afternoon tea parties. All residents are encouraged to use the dining room and most do. It is as you say a social occasion. They are of course allowed to eat in their room if they wish,
There is an active social programme and although my mum is unable to actively participate she is encouraged to just be there and enjoy the company, which she does.
So in answer to your question "what should I expect from a carehome?" I would say, "Much more than you are geting"
I am so sorry your husband is not getting the stimulation you feel he needs and I hope you are able to find somewhere better for him.

 

[canary]

I think this all sounds a bit of a mixed bag.

Where the meals are concerned I only have one hot meal a day anyway - cereal in the morning, a sandwich and maybe crisps mid-day and then a cooked meal in the evening, and I dont think this is unusual. The only difference in the care home is that the hot meal is mid-day dinner and then there is tea in the evening. This is a very common pattern in care homes as people with dementia are often brighter and eat better mid-day. Having said that, though, he shouldnt be hungry and there should be snacks to offer him.

You never get all the residents joining in activities. A lot of them either dont want to, or are no longer capable of it. It is often a fairly small number. At least they have activities. Its really the same with meals. You will always get some who prefer to eat in their room. Is his care home actually a nursing home? When OH went into respite in a nursing home I found that far fewer residents ate in the dinning room than did in mums care home.

Does your husband go into the lounge and join in the activities? If he does then he will get stimulation there. Dont forget the staff - most people with dementia will talk to the staff much more than they do to other residents. Do the staff stop and interact with residents?

I would recommend that you look at other homes in your area. I dont understand why they are worried about his age - most care homes state that they will accept people over 65 years old. Ive had trouble finding somewhere for respite for OH, but that was because he is only in his early 60s and has no diagnosis.