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Discussion in 'Memory concerns and seeking a diagnosis' started by Smudge310, Jan 25, 2018.

  1. Smudge310

    Smudge310 New member

    Jan 25, 2018

    I know my story is probably very similar to many on here but I feel I haven’t got anywhere to go and ive got to air this…

    My mum, 85, moved in with us 8 years ago. My dad passed away and she went into a spiral of depression wanting to move but the houses she was looking at looking at in the desperation of moving didn’t suit… Anyway my wife and I saw a place, where we live with an amazing annex (basically a 2 bed house on the side) we proposed it and we all moved in…

    Fast forward things are getting harder. Her memory is terrible and getting worse, we talk to her and within 3 minutes she is asking the same question. Within the conversation this could happen 2-3 times and if we leave the room, we’ll have the same conversation a day later. She has got bad hearing and her TV is always loud and we’ve suggested a hearing test as we’re hoping half the issue is her not hearing us but all we get is “what good will that do?” or “Liz (her friend) has got a hearing aid and it hurts to wear!”.. its seems she wont even think about it and gets quite angry about it.

    She has just retired (yes she was still working!) from a care agency providing respite care but she didnt like doing new calls as she could find them, or worried about finding them. When she got back she went straight to sleep in her chair. Which is another thing, she is sleeping during the day a hell of a lot.

    Her TV viewing is now predominantly ‘Murder She wrote’, ‘Miss Marple’ etc.. old shows. She never watches anything new stating ‘There is nothing good on’ and we’re worried it’s because she’ll find things too confusing and won’t be able to follow the plot. The volume goes on and off all the time. She mutes it during the adverts as shes says ‘it’s a load of rubbish’ and now mutes its during the programme… is this an issue?

    Her cooking is now all ready meals as her last few times of cooking (just basic cheese on toast or a cake) she forgets and it burns and she has a very sweet tooth, sometimes emptying a big pack of popcorn or marshmallows in minutes)

    My wife has talked to her doctor surgery about carrying out a test when she is next in (she has check ups due to her medication – pain killers for a hip replacement) you know…”due to your age were just carrying out these tests” that sort of thing but they said no, my mum has to ask for them..We cant ask her as she snapped my head off when I mentioned a simple hearing test. What will it be like if I went up to her..'mum I'm worried your getting dementia, can you get a test?'... she'll have a baby!!

    Sorry for the rambling… I can expand more but for now I think this will do! Lol! Also what makes things worse is both my children have been diagnosed with Autism so with that and worring about my mum I am slowly losing my mind….
  2. karaokePete

    karaokePete Registered User

    Jul 23, 2017
    Hello @Richsmith, welcome to the forum. You will find this a friendly and informative place. Don't be afraid to ask questions or air concerns as that's why we are here.
    Someone with more experience of your issues that me will be along. However, from what you say I think you are right to seek medical help for your Mum. The GP seems unhelpful - did you get that reaction from the receptionist or the GP? Can you try a different GP if the surgery has more than one? If your mum complains about anything, or on her next review, would she let you make an appointment and then you could go along and ask her to ask the doctor if you can come into the consulting room to assist with that ailment and once you are in you will get an opportunity to mention the issues of memory etc., as they can't ignore you once you are in that face to face situation. Of course your Mum may refuse but the effect of being at the surgery may make her amenable. I did that with my wife and it started us down the long road to diagnosis. Sometimes you just have to be canny.
  3. Tin

    Tin Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    I did the same with my mum, took 2 visits though got her to gp for a review and while there gp started a memory test and she initially was upset and so gp stopped. 2nd visit and test carried out, but it is only a small one with a few questions, but sufficient enough results to refer her to see a specialist. Maybe keep a few notes about how she is at home and then deliver to gp a few days before her appointment. The hearing thing I can understand, my mum has an nhs hearing aid and it does hurt her! I did think about taking her to a High Street specialist and organise buying one, but for us just too expensive and with mum's dementia I was worried that we may lose it. She tends not to wear her aid these days.
  4. Kevinl

    Kevinl Registered User

    Aug 24, 2013
    Hi Rich, welcome to TP
    When my mother came to live with me I bought a set of headphones for her to use with the TV.
    Basically you just plug them into the side of the TV and they have their own volume control, something like the ones on the link below The TV I have does have a setting so the TV sound doesn't go off when you plug into the sound socket, but I think that's a fairly common feature these days.
    As it happens I agree with your mum too many TV programmes these days; dark, moody, brooding affairs with people either mumbling or banging music and the plots are so complex and they go from series to series so you can't pick them up other than from the beginning.
    Deafness does cause isolation and that can't be good for her so while hearing aids would be the best solution a set of "ear muffs" might solve at least one problem for a tenner.

  5. Smudge310

    Smudge310 New member

    Jan 25, 2018
    Hi, thanks for your replies...
    I have now started a diary of significant events eg we are going away this weekend (Fri-Mon) and for the past week she asks me at least twice a day (and my wife) “so when are you going? Friday?” And then last night she put a pasty in the oven to warm up (can’t see why she didn’t use the microwave??) and ending up forgetting about it a burning it... and setting all the smoke alarms in hers and our houses! My auntie is coming up to be with her so she’s not on her own (she makes us feel very guilty about this all the time.. “ you go off and enjoy yourself, I’ll just sit here on my own!” ) so I’ll talk to her about all this....
  6. DeMartin

    DeMartin Registered User

    Jul 4, 2017
    @Smudge310 one thing my mum is/was good at was guilting. The sad look, the sigh, when all I’d said was just staying a couple of days. I can’t speak to other mum’s but mine is/was a grand master, gold medal winner guilter.
  7. Toony Oony

    Toony Oony Registered User

    Jun 21, 2016
    Ha ha @DeMartin - and there was I thinking I had the emotional blackmailer world champion! My Mum could guilt trip for Britain - although I have to say this has been a lifelong talent and not just the dementia. I want to know how Mum cannot converse or express herself properly 99% of the time but is capable of the odd guilt trip jibe that makes perfect sense? Perhaps it's a remembered reflex? Love her dearly, but on occasion ....
  8. rhubarbtree

    rhubarbtree Registered User

    Jan 7, 2015
    South East
    Poor hearing is such a problem. We have just returned from our local hearing clinic. Straight in before appointment time and OH's hearing aids updated a bit. He has small appliance behind ear with just a soft plastic tube into the ear. Would be invisible on a woman with longer hair. If you could persuade your mother to ask for a referral it could help. Hearing aids really have improved in the last few years.

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