What is the best thing to do?

paul86

Registered User
Jul 19, 2007
2
sheffield
Hi Jodillyn

I hope by now the replies that you have had are giving you stength and support in helping you decide what you need to do.
I too endorse everything that has been said to you on this thread. I suspect that you have always been depended upon in many other aspects of family life because you have the courage, skills and compassion. However its now time for those around you to care for you otherwise if your wellbeing suffers who will care for uncle then.
Your guilt is a perfectly normal feeling to have and understandable but is eating away at you. You can make a positive out of this by sharing your concerns as you have begun to do so already, your imediate family need to step in and make decisions together and recognise the stress you are under. The simple fact is you are coping and managing very well but at what cost to yourself, your child, husband, uncle and mil. Please seek all the help on offer and sooner rather than later. I would suggest your uncle needs an urgent CPN assessment or even a psychiatrist or GP home visit as there could be some medical reasoning for changes in your uncles behaviour . How about letting your husband read your threads and all the replies you have had..Would this help?

Take care and good luck
Paul86:)
 

Margaret W

Registered User
Apr 28, 2007
3,725
North Derbyshire
Jodylinn

I can't really offer advice, except to say that I don't really think you deserve to be in this position, it seems very extreme, and you must look after yourself and your immediate family as a priority. You seem to be trying to do everything for everyone, and that is admirable if you can do it, but you don't have to, and if you can't cope it is better to hand it over to those who can and should. Don't feel bad, you sound as if you have done a great deal, and all credit to you, but you can't do the impossible. Look after yourseld and your immediate family.

Love

Margaret
 

dolly gee

Registered User
Mar 9, 2007
47
merseyside
Jodilynn0303 said:
I take care of my husbands Uncle who is 88 and has been diagnosed with Dimensia. I take care of him because he lives with my husbands mom and she works full time and they don't want to put him in a home. I am a stay at home mom to my 4 yr old son so I was the best candidate to look after him because I am at home. My issues are this: I get paid for looking after him but I get paid to look after him from 10-4 everyday, but I actually look after him from 7-4:30 because he can't be left alone for a minute or he wanders, or does abnormal things... eating glue etc., So anyway... I dont care about the financial part of it I want to help my husbands family out they have taken care of him for 40 years as he has never been married or anything so he came to stay with them all those years ago while he had malaria and then never left. So I try to have patience I truly do... but on days like today, I went upstairs to check on my little boy who was playing upstairs and heard the front door open I came down and said Harry quick shut the door cuz the dog will get out (I have a little yorkie). He said he didnt see any ******* dog and wanted to leave. So he went past me and tried to go out the back door. (He has a note that tells him where he is, and for how long during the day etc. ) So I told him to please have a seat my husband (his nephew) would be home soon to take him home. He yelled 'well he will have a long way to come then' and tried to go back to the front door so I stopped him not knowing where my stupid house key was to lock it ... :( So anyway I tried to tell him that he would be going home soon he was screaming profanities at me and pushed me hurting my back ( I can barely stand up now as I had back surgery there years earlier) not his fault I know but it is so hard. I am stressed out with a sick son (he has a bad cold) and arguing with Harry all day long. He doesnt believe anything I say. I just can't do this. I don't want to let my husbands family down. We are moving to the USA (I am from there) in about 6 months and they have said as soon as we leave they are putting him in a home because he is getting so aggressive and last week he got physical with my sister in law who is 9months pregnant and she told him to be careful because she is pregnant he told her it is her fault not his. I feel bad for him, and when he gets me so mad I could cry I feel so guilty for feeling that way. If I say to my hubby's family I can't cope with this they will put him in a home now and it will be all my fault. Please help me how to cope. I just don't want the guilt anymore. I get so depressed at the weekend knowing I have to do this all week and am stuck in the house that I am going into a depression. You can't take him anywhere he throws fits and fights me... so I am stuck in the house locking him and I in all day long :-(
just read your mail you really are have a bad time i know what you are going through think it is time to think of yourself and do the what is right for you and your uncle he needs to go in to care for your sake and for his own goodluck dolly gee
 

Margaret W

Registered User
Apr 28, 2007
3,725
North Derbyshire
The situation

What on earth do you mean "it is all my fault" you are a star of caring and compassion, and what you are doing is way beyond the call of duty. Good luck to you my love and I wish you every benfit for the future.

Margaret