what have you kept that belonged to a loved one?

Discussion in 'After dementia — dealing with loss' started by CaPattinson, Aug 11, 2010.

  1. CaPattinson

    CaPattinson Registered User

    May 19, 2010
    West Yorks
    The only thing I have that belonged to my mum is this cardigan. She knitted it herself. It was her favourite. I hugged it a lot after. I've had it out of sight until just now. I couldnt bear to look at it. it is painful now to do this but I need to. It hasn't been washed since she last wore it. Now I shall have to go, I'm upset, I am crying. Can you look at something belonging to a loved one and not be upset?

  2. JPG1

    JPG1 Account Closed

    Jul 16, 2008
    What have I kept?

    My very happy memories of them and they will never leave me.
  3. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    My dad died 26 years ago and my favourite thing is a photo of him in his Navy Uniform during the war and the memories of the stories he used to tell - he used to say 'they're maybe no poetry but they're true!!'
  4. CaPattinson

    CaPattinson Registered User

    May 19, 2010
    West Yorks
    Aw bless, Izzy

    That's such a lovely memory! Thats a great saying!!!
  5. angela.robinson

    angela.robinson Registered User

    Dec 27, 2004
    for the last five years my husbands old and well worn slippers are still tucked under my bed , there were newer ones bought for his stay in hospital , but to me they did not have the essence of my Jim , also i kept his electric shaver,complete with trimmings inside ,these things i cant see me ever parting with , and for some strange reason i was really sorry i parted with his overcoat ! why? i have no idea, it pays not to part with all the belongings too soon ,
    angela x
  6. larivy

    larivy Registered User

    Apr 19, 2009
    my dad died 14yrs tomorrow i have his watch and my brother still has his car i wear his watch and we still use his car sometimes we always laugh how dad had no direction skills and no matter where he went he got lost so when we get lost we always say just doing a dad we will always have our memories everyone brilliant and full of love love larivy
  7. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    That's lovely Larivy. Izzy x
  8. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    NW England
    Hello Chris – I have cupboards full of allsorts I still can’t bear to look at .... I have also let go of lots of things too .....

    I sit here at my desk with vases bought on holiday in Greece, a little writing box (from a poundstore) treasured by my parents ... and no, it doesn’t make me upset ... it gives me comfort – from the memories I have of the buying of them and them being in my parent’s house before they sadly found their way here.

    I hope for you, one day, you can look at that cardigan too – and feel the comfort of the memories it brings – of your mother’s knitting skills say ... of special times when she wore it. I have certainly found that some things that once brought pain now give comfort .... but it’s taking some time ... and lots of things I am still not ready to face unpacking ....

    Take care, love Karen, x
  9. normelle

    normelle Registered User

    Apr 25, 2010

    I have kept all daves favorate day care clothes plus razor,torch,even a piece of old newspaper tied with 2 or 3 elastic bands.he had a thing about wrapping things up with e.bands,bless him ,i will never part with them.
    Love normeele xx
  10. Fenners

    Fenners Registered User

    May 5, 2010

    What a lovely cosy cardigan it looks. Made all the more special because your Mum knitted it.

    My beloved dad always wore checked shirts, I kept his two favourite ones, but as yet i cant bear to look at them, they are in a box with some grandad socks the children brought for him on the top of the wardrobe. I often stand and stare up at the box willing myself to get it down, but i just cant, I think it would break my heart right now.

    i have photos of him everywhere though, and one that is "just him" thats very very special to me - I look at it when i need help with Mum, i can see the little freckle on the end of his nose and it makes me smile.

  11. CaPattinson

    CaPattinson Registered User

    May 19, 2010
    West Yorks
    Hi ya'll and thank you

    Seems I am not alone by saying its painful to look at something personal of mums. Suppose everyone is different but some feel the same if that makes sense.

    I've put the cardi in the spare room for now. But I'll never wash it. :(
  12. Fenners

    Fenners Registered User

    May 5, 2010
    No Chris, never wash it.

    We kept my nanas little pinafore dress, the one she always liked to wear, she died 18 years ago and we still havent washed it. its safely packed up with my lovely dads checked shirts. I will get them down one day soon..... maybe.

    Lots of love and hugs xxxxxxxx
  13. christine_batch

    christine_batch Registered User

    Jul 31, 2007
    I have not decluttered although many outsiders have told me I should start.

    A year on I am not ready but this I have put inthe conservatory to go well the Grandchildren tell me "You can not get rid of that it was Grandad's"

    In the early days I wore Peter's tee shirts to bed.

    But the memories we hold in our hearts will be there forever.

    Christine xx
  14. CaPattinson

    CaPattinson Registered User

    May 19, 2010
    West Yorks
    #14 CaPattinson, Aug 11, 2010
    Last edited: Aug 11, 2010
    Dear Fenner

    s You have enough to deal with without adding any more trauma by getting them down.

    Mums cardi even has a little tea stain on it, but that's fine. Will wrap it up safe. When she wore it she used to pull it round her and say 'Ooh its lovely and warm this. I made it' Bless XXXXXXX
    Take care, my friend XX

    Dear Christine that's very touching. You can only sort things out when YOU are ready. My brother and SIL sorted mums things cos I couldn't face it!
  15. maryw

    maryw Registered User

    Nov 16, 2008
    Hi Chris, well I have the old cardigan too (and yes, it remains unwashed). It hangs in my wardrobe, I give it a hug on bad days and it makes me feel close to Mum. I won't part with it either. I am glad I did most of the sorting out pretty soon after her funeral otherwise we really would have had to move house! As it was we sold our dining room furniture so we could accommodate my grandfather's old oak table and carved chairs and somehow we found space for a lovely cosy chair in which I would sit and chat to Mum. The chair is much used and I feel its warm, happy memories when I sit in it.

    But the loveliest thing I have is this hand carved angel playing the harp. Mum bought it in Germany when she was on holiday there in the 1930's. As the legacy I received from her bought the harp that I had always wanted and am now learning to play, it feels like this was always meant to be. It stands on a shelf nect to a collage of photos of her and I play the harp to my Mum and thank her for everything. I hope she knows :):)

    Sentimental old thing I am...

    Attached Files:

  16. CaPattinson

    CaPattinson Registered User

    May 19, 2010
    West Yorks
    OOH Mary

    How lovely! Its soo good that you have kept these things and can Have happy memories instead ohf hiding things away. Love the photos, thank you for sharing them with us. My mums cardigan is now out of sight again until I can look at it with fond memories instead very deep sadness. :(
  17. Heather777

    Heather777 Registered User

    Jul 24, 2008
    My mum died last year and I am just doing some housework today and came across some of her pictures. We sorted her flat out before her funeral and took most of her stuff to a charity shop. But I know that in my spare bedroom I have a black bag of clothes that we took from her nursing home. Every now and again I look at and wonder what is in there then I look and remember and what it is. I can't really bear to look at it and I can't bear to throw it out. I was supposed to be taking it to a local charity shop but decided I would freak out if I saw someone wearing it!

    We were ruthless with clearing her flat but the one thing we have kept is her wedding dress, from 1954!! Not sure what we really want to do with that, her marriage wasn't a great one but we have lots of memories of looking at it when we were growing up!!

    I have a few pictures dotted around my house including one of the house that she grew up in. Isn't it strange that sometimes you don't take any notice then suddenly you look at the pictures and it makes you so sad. I often talk to her when I look at them-they make it feel like she is around!!

    Heather xx
  18. mad mel

    mad mel Registered User

    Jan 21, 2010

    Dear Chris
    I think my problem is I have too much of Mum's stuff.We moved into her home to care for her and got rid of a lot then but the majority went up in the loft.
    My husband is afraid the ceiling will come down and says whats the point of keeping it when you rarely look at it.
    I always think maybe some of its valuable but never get around to trying to sell it.
    I wear a little cross of hers,it wasn't special to her but it gives me comfort.It has a dodgey catch and I have lost it twice but it has a way of finding its way back to me.
    Mel x
  19. Clive

    Clive Registered User

    Nov 7, 2004
    I saved mum’s very very old cloths-peg bag, which has a hook to attach it to the washing line. The old wooden pegs work a treat and are much better than the plastic ones we had ourselves.



    Why did mum bring me up to be practical rather than sentimental :)
  20. creativesarah

    creativesarah Registered User

    I have got my mums sewing box and my dads ring which I always wear he wore it on his little finger and some photos of course

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