What does the end look like?

AngelaClancy

New member
Apr 11, 2024
1
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This is my first, and I’ll say…and a very difficult post. My mom has Lewy Body dementia and Vascular dementia and has been in hospital for the past 3 months. She barely ate anything over the past 3 months, and has a catheter. During the 3 months she has been in bed and has a massive bed sore on her bottom that causes her excruciating pain. They turn her regularly and the hospital staff are great and quite kind. The doctors advised us a few days ago that my mom had been moved to comfort care measures. She is no longer taking any food, and barely any water. They are medicating her for pain and keeping her comfortable. We are told different things from different doctors. One will say she will pass any day, another will say it could be weeks. She forgets how to swallow and coughs when she does drink water. She hallucinates almost all the time. I hate this disease. My mom was a strong Scottish woman and I know she would not want to live like this. Now that she has been moved to comfort care measures, how long does it typically take for a person to pass? What are the signs? This is just awful. Has anyone experienced this? This is what my mom looks like in her bed. I’m heartbroken.
 

Louise7

Volunteer Host
Mar 25, 2016
4,825
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Hello Angela, welcome but so sorry to hear about your mom, such a difficult time for you. It's good that the doctors are ensuring that she is pain free and comfortable but it's so hard to answer your question about how long it takes for a person to pass. Sometimes people can go for several days or even weeks without eating or drinking, others can go very quickly, so that is why even your mom's doctors can't really say. My mum hasn't yet reached this stage but others here will hopefully be able to share their own experiences with you. Wishing you strength for the days ahead, you will find support and understanding here.
 

DeeCee7

Registered User
Oct 13, 2023
321
0
Hello @AngelaClancy this is an agonising time for you both. There are no definitive answers as everyone is different. There are many posts under “end of life care” that show this. All you can do is keep on keeping on. The truth is that, eventually, it will end. You are doing all you can.
 

Gill Arbon

New member
Apr 13, 2024
1
0
Hi Angela,
I am so sorry that you are about to go through the final stage of this horrible illness. I lost my own mum on the 17th of March. After a week of being by her side and watching her fight so so hard against her own body trying to shut down (also a strong Scottish woman). No one can prepare you for this time, no amount of questions before helped me prepare for this. I knew what signs to look for etc but being there by her side when she took her last breath will never ever leave me. Would I change it? Absolutely not. I would never of let her go alone.

But I now need help with the questions I have in how to move on (close my eyes) and know if what I seen her go through was 'normal' end of life. I am a member of daughters against dementia support group on social media and I've tried to ask other daughters who have comforted their own mums to die what that was like for them. However no one seems to of seen the struggle that I did.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
74,641
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Dundee
Welcome to the forum @AngelaClancy.

I'm so sorry to read about your mum. Such a difficult time for you. Others have given good advice. Everyone is different and all you can do is to be there for your mum. I'm glad you've found this forum and hope the support you will find here will give you some strength.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
74,641
0
73
Dundee
But I now need help with the questions I have in how to move on (close my eyes) and know if what I seen her go through was 'normal' end of life. I am a member of daughters against dementia support group on social media and I've tried to ask other daughters who have comforted their own mums to die what that was like for them. However no one seems to of seen the struggle that I did.
Welcome to the forum @Gill Arbon .

I'm so sorry to hear aout your mum and send my condolences.

I'm glad that you too have found this forum. You might find it helpful to start a thread of your own in perhaps the Difficult Feelings area of the forum. Have a look at the area see what you think. I'm sure you'll find understanding and support here no matter where you decide to post.

 

Muggers

Registered User
Mar 18, 2024
62
0
I’m going through the same with my mum, we are into our sixth week with the doctor telling us she only had two, she still has sips of tea, says the odd word, hasn’t eaten a thing in four weeks, we watch and wait and it is heartbreaking, sometimes she looks at me with her sunken eyes like she is saying ‘help’, my precious mum, skin and bone, no one should have to suffer like this. Thinking of you and all the other poor souls who are dealing with this cruel illness. Xx
 

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