What do you when you go on holiday?

[Happyone]

Hi All,

What do you do when you go on holiday? My hubby and I are the main carers for my MIL & FIL (one with Alzheimers and the other with vascular dementia). They live in Sheltered Accommodation so have pullcords etc for emergencies but no other help. We visit daily to ensure medication is takne correctly and take them a hot meal every day. On top of this, we ring them several times a day to prompt other medication, remind them to have breakfast etc etc. Neither are now able to prepare anything other than cereal or make a sandwich (with help). My sister visits them 3 mornings a week to help out too.
We have just about managed in the past to take our holidays without too much going wrong. Last year, although they needed much more help than previously, my mom (much younger and very active) and my sister took over the caring while we were away. Things have got much worse in the last 12 months however and I they need much more assistance now.
My inlaws are totally against having help from anyone outside the family - they refuse to let us involve Social Services andto be honest, we have always done it for them so we have made a bit of a rod for our own backs.
However, we really do need our 2 week break - to recharge our own batteries!!!
I presume that we could get private care agencies involved or i have considered respite - but they would have to agree to that and i dont even know if there are any places where couples could go!
Any suggestions would really be appreciated.

Tracey x

 

[Canadian Joanne]

Hi Tracey,

At this point, before you go on holiday, what about bringing a 'friend' with you when you do all these things? The 'friend' being a professional care-giver, of course. That way, although it may cost for a few extra visits, your MIL and FIL would become more familiar with the person & so not have such a negative reaction.

Do they currently turn people away from their door? Do you think they would accept help from one of your 'friends'?

Would you consider paying your sister and mother to take care of them while you are recharging? Is it that you don't want to impose on your sister and mum or is it that the help your in-laws now require is too much? If you think your mother and sister can handle it, why not pay them instead of professional carers?

My mother is in a nursing home so this hasn't come up for me. I'm sure others will have many and better suggestions for you.

Let us know how it goes.

 

[Winnie Kjaer]

Hello Tracey,
How about suggesting they have a holiday too. Vitalise have several Homes/hotels where they have carers available included in the price. The have theme weeks, and I have heard from several sources that they really do care. If you could arrange transport there and back you would have no worries at all hopefully. Just a suggestion.

 

[Bristolbelle]

Could you take them....

I research day care in the area we're going to then take Mum along and pop her into day care a few times whilst we are away. So we have the best of having a holiday together AND some time to ourselves. Alternatively you might be able to recruit a friend or professional carer to take along with you on the proviso they do so much caring in return for a free holiday. NOt sure if your staying in uk or going abroad?
Maybe it is time to get some professional help anyway and possibly day care for them both. They might actually enjoy being able to go to a dementia day centre together. As for shared rooms I know of at least four care homes locally that offer the option of double or twin rooms for couples or friends to share.
Is there time to get them used to day care before the holiday. Sometimes centres will offer something like a weeks day acre to allow carers to go on holiday, but respite might take out the worry of anything happening at night.

 

[Happyone]

Thank you all fopr your replies - I will look at the Vitalise option I think.

We don't really want to put the onus of care onto my mom and sister while we are away to be honest so have to find alternatives.

The idea of taking a "friend" along may well work though.

Thank you all.