What do you tell the PWD

[Thethirdmrsc]

Just talking to my OH about his sister in law, whom we saw on Saturday, and it would appear she has some form of dementia, and is going through testing. He said “what are the symptoms”, so I said it starts with memory loss and often repeating things. “Oh I don’t repeat things” he said, yes you do sometimes, says I, but not going into details, then a wee huff ensues.
They just don’t want to know do they?
Every day is a different scenario. I made the mistake last week of saying that it wasn’t him saying horrible things, that it was the disease. That was the wrong thing to say!
No wonder I can’t give up the gin. Which makes me sound like an alcoholic. Is anybody’s PWD still drinking by the way?

 

[marionq]

My husband has no interest in alcohol these days. I do give him a small glass of port or sherry if I think he is cold but he often takes a sip and leaves the rest.

As far as telling him about other people or myself for that matter - he cannot hang on to a thought long enough to make sense of it. This morning I got a phone call from NZ from the friend who was bridesmaid at our wedding. He spoke to her for a few minutes and seemed to remember who she was. She was thrilled! If the conversation had gone on longer she would have realised his limits. Better to keep your expectations low.

 

[Lawson58]

We don't talk about any of these aspects of my husband's illness mainly because I don't believe that it achieves anything. He sort of knows that he doesn't function very well but I have come to the conclusion but he doesn't understand just how it is different to the way he used to be.

How do you know you have forgotten something? You either need some information for a purpose or try to recall something that is triggered by something such as a conversation, an event or something similar. Or perhaps you are told by someone that you have memory problems.

At the end of the day, reminding someone that they can't remember is a bit of a waste of time and maybe will create a little extra and unnecessary stress.

My husband has had no interest in alcohol for years.

 

[Duggies-girl]

There was something on TV last night, I don't know what it was because I wasn't watching but dad suddenly announced that 'there are over 500,000 people with dementia in this country' then he said that he doesn't believe that and if there is that many then 'where are they' because they can't all be in homes and who looks after them all.

I switched over at this point and disappeared into the kitchen for a short while, he had forgotten all about it when I came back. In fact he had forgotten I was even there as is usual. Every time I enter the room he say's 'Oh I didn't you where here'

I have been here since Friday and will be here until Saturday.and dad will be surprised every time I make him a drink or a meal.

 

[maryjoan]

Just talking to my OH about his sister in law, whom we saw on Saturday, and it would appear she has some form of dementia, and is going through testing. He said “what are the symptoms”, so I said it starts with memory loss and often repeating things. “Oh I don’t repeat things” he said, yes you do sometimes, says I, but not going into details, then a wee huff ensues.
They just don’t want to know do they?
Every day is a different scenario. I made the mistake last week of saying that it wasn’t him saying horrible things, that it was the disease. That was the wrong thing to say!
No wonder I can’t give up the gin. Which makes me sound like an alcoholic. Is anybody’s PWD still drinking by the way?

My OH has just bought himself 4 bottles of wine, which might last a week - I refuse to buy alcohol, as I don't drink. The Dr says its OK, as OH is in a 'life limiting' situation anyway..... not sure how to take that.

 

[Canadian Joanne]

My mother had a major block about having Alzheimer's so I would simply say her memory wasn't what it used to be. I don't think there is any point in telling someone they have dementia if they are resistant to it. I only ever met one person who knew he had AD and it was awe-inspiring to me that he was so aware.

 

[Grahamstown]

Just talking to my OH about his sister in law, whom we saw on Saturday, and it would appear she has some form of dementia, and is going through testing. He said “what are the symptoms”, so I said it starts with memory loss and often repeating things. “Oh I don’t repeat things” he said, yes you do sometimes, says I, but not going into details, then a wee huff ensues.
They just don’t want to know do they?
Every day is a different scenario. I made the mistake last week of saying that it wasn’t him saying horrible things, that it was the disease. That was the wrong thing to say!
No wonder I can’t give up the gin. Which makes me sound like an alcoholic. Is anybody’s PWD still drinking by the way?

Yes my husband is still having a glass of wine after a battle all last year to keep it within bounds. I buy one bottle a week and we share it over the course of a weekend. One glass is never enough but I give him something else instead and he accepts it. I also have a locking cap because otherwise he would drink the whole bottle, often actually out of it. I can’t let him drink as much as he wants because he would not tolerate it and end up in A&E again, which is when the diagnosis was made. All that is now under control as his condition has worsened. He is unaware of his diagnosis because he can’t remember it, and if necessary I just say your memory is poor now isn’t it and he says yes at his age it’s to be expected, and that’s what we say in front of others although many friends and ex-colleagues know what he has. I have noticed that people are much more aware of this disease now, perhaps because of publicity. Yesterday there was a reference to dementia on the TV because Barbara Windsor’s husband and friends ran in the London Marathon to raise money for dementia research, and that may be what your father saw @Duggies-girl .

 

[Duggies-girl]

Ah yes that could have been it @Grahamstown l did see Barbara momentarily because I was in and out of the kitchen surprising dad every few minutes each time I appeared back in the room. I suppose I am lucky that dad is always pleased to see me multiple times a day.

I was just bemused at his comment. He said it can't be right because he doesn't know anybody who has dementia.

 

[Justmary]

Around the time of diagnosis, 3 1/2 years ago, OH was regularly drinking a bottle or 2 of wine in an evening, ending up by falling asleep on the dining room table. He then changed to beer but still drank far too much. But then he lost the ability to understand money and therefore couldn't go out and buy any drink on his own. So it got easier in that I could control it a little by not going shopping every day. Now there is another change happening - he has started moving/hiding things around the house. And sometimes he hides his beer and forgets all about it! Last week our son brought a bottle of wine and OH started drinking it as if it was beer, gulping it down at an alarming rate.