1. PurplePoppy

    PurplePoppy Registered User

    Oct 3, 2005
    53
    Hello Everyone,

    My mum is having her assessment next Wednesday. The next step is finding a home. When we do, what do we say to mum? She doesn't know that home is home, so hopefully she won't be upset at leaving. She doesn't know who my dad or I am, so again I'm hoping leaving us and only seeing us when we visit, won't be distressing to her. Often now she seems to think she is in a hotel on holiday, so is it best to let her think she's going to stay in another hotel? I think in my mums case ignorance is bliss. Any suggestions would be gratefully received.
     
  2. DickG

    DickG Registered User

    Feb 26, 2006
    558
    Stow-on-the-Wold
    Hi PurplePoppy

    This situation needs the usual AD lies, deception, pretence, whatever. Do what is the esiest path for all of you and do not feel guilty. keep us posted.

    Dick
     
  3. Kayla

    Kayla Registered User

    May 14, 2006
    621
    Kent
    Dear Purple Poppy,
    My Mum still doesn't seem to really understand that she is in a NH and she's been there 7 months. She says that the room keeps changing and the doors are moving around. She has been distressed when taken to another room for meals or a social activity, because she is worried that I won't be able to find her.
    Mum has a soft toy dog which she likes to hold and touch. If she is upset the staff always give it to her and sometimes it helps. Perhaps your Mum has a teddy, a small blanket, cushion or a familiar object which would comfort her if she felt very confused. I find that I can explain things again and again, but Mum doesn't necessarily understand or remember.
    Now that Mum knows the staff and the routine, she seems to be much more settled and she trusts the nurses to look after her. It does take time to get used to a new situation.
    Kayla
     
  4. PurplePoppy

    PurplePoppy Registered User

    Oct 3, 2005
    53
    Thanks Dick G and Kayla for your response to my post.

    I must admit to feeling very apprehensive about mum going into a home. I know it is the best thing for her and for my dad, who has been tremendous in taking over the household tasks, including cooking.

    I do find it particularly annoying that my dad will probably have to pay for this care. The difference between nursing and non nursing seems so blurred. I swear they move the goal posts to suite. It annoys me that dad has to worry about how much it will all cost and whether he'll have to sell the bungalow, or remortgage it. He's worked hard all his life, and made a point of putting by for a reasonable retirement, now this could all be taken away from him :mad: .

    Kayla, the little stuffed toy is a good idea. I think when mum moves I'll buy her a little bear or something.
     
  5. Áine

    Áine Registered User

    I guess Dick is right. Tell whatever lies you need to. Though I still find that sooooo hard.

    One thing I think helped for dad was to put some of his familiar objects in the room before we took him. We took his armchair cushions, a blanket mother had crocheted, a barometer clock that he's really fond of, and a painting he had over his fireplace at home. And of course, photos, and some of his familiar books/magazines. Went round the house looking for things that he treasured or meant something to him, and so far as possible made sure we took those things for him.

    best wishes

    Áine
     
  6. Libby

    Libby Registered User

    May 20, 2006
    625
    North East
    Hi

    When mum moved into a home last year, we took some of ther favourite pictures to put on the walls, photos to dot around the room and a small table and tablecloth.

    It didn't take long before she kept putting all the photo's in her handbag, pictures were propped up against the wall ready to take home, and clothes wrapped in bundles, again, ready to take home. She's been doing that for about a year and is no more settled now than she was then.

    I hope your mum settles in better purplepoppy - obviously everyones different - there's a lot of settled people in the home, but a lot who are contstantly wanting to go home (not that my mum knows where home is any more - she's reverted back to her second house when she was about 14 to 16.)

    I think it's shocking that people with Ad have to pay for nursing care - we've just sold mums house and her share will be used up in fees until her savings drop down to about 19k. It's so unfair when people have worked hard all their lives.

    Libs
     
  7. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Hiya Purple Poppy,
    I think the move into a home is a big one, but it will make it easier for your dad, and mean that you won't spend all of your time worying how they are.
    If the bungalow is jointly owned and your father lives in it, he cannot be made to sell to pay the NH fees, nor does he have to remortgage. My understanding is that the council will pay the fees, but take a charge over the property - I am not certain whether that would become enforceable on your mother's death, or your father's. Rather than worrying, phone up the AS helpline, or go along to the CAB, and find out what the situation is.
    Another hotel sounds fine to me! Your mum may be a little unsettled at first. Although you may not feel she recognises or knows you, you will be familiar faces to her.
    Tae care ,
    Love Helen
     
  8. Helena

    Helena Registered User

    May 24, 2006
    715
    Libs

    I could not agree more that its a total disgrace that those who have saved all their lives are robbed blind if they dare to have AD and therefore deemed to only need social care and are forced to pay for every penny of NH fees

    Far better to have spent your life squandering money at Bingo all you life and live in rented property then you get everything put in your hand

    Justice in Britain ......forget it
     
  9. Libby

    Libby Registered User

    May 20, 2006
    625
    North East
    Well said Helena - I think I'll go out and blow my savings now!

    Libs
     
  10. Helena

    Helena Registered User

    May 24, 2006
    715
    Under the current regime ......... You are severely punished for prudence and savings

    Everytime I here GB speak about prudence and rewarding savings i could ram it straight back down his throat ........The scots are notorious for being mean but he really takes the biscuit and the cake as well

    I am sure as heck determined to blow every penny on World cruises or whatever I fancy rather than allow the rotten government to snatch 40% in Inheritance tax or swallow it all in NH fees

    I have paid more than my share in tax already
     
  11. linda a

    linda a Registered User

    Jun 13, 2006
    48
    suffolk
    Selling the house

    I was on the understanding that if you lived in your home and say i needed for my husband to go into a care home they would take any pension he had and the goverment would make up the diff,
    but i would be able to live in my house i would not have to sell as i would need a place to live well thats what i have been told as this has been a worry to me.
    i have been told i do not have to sell the house.
    Linda a
     
  12. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    12,413
    near London
    my understanding is that if the house is in joint names [may be so if not in joint names too, but I don't know], then you don't get turfed out to pay for care fees.

    However they may put a charge on the house such that when you eventually sell it, they then recoup whatever they feel they can take from his half.
     
  13. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,419
    #13 jenniferpa, Jun 30, 2006
    Last edited: Jun 30, 2006
    The way the system works at the moment:

    If your spouse needs to go into a care home, the house that you both live in will not be counted as part of your capital. The only possible problem is if for some reason, your jointly held saving are not easily liquidated, but the remaining spouse does not wish to sell the home (and why should they). In this case, it is possible to get a "deferred payment agreement" which places a lien on the property. Note though, it's actually a charge based not on the value of your house, but on half your savings. The other thing to remember is that if your spouse does have to go into a care home, it's a good idea to split the savings at that point (putting them into a different account), because the care home resident will spend down their savings much more quickly than the spouse (probably). Also half an occupational pension paid to the resident will be ignored.

    So, in the case of the original poster, your father will not have to sell or remorgage the bungalow, nor will a lien be placed on it. Furthermore, although the current regs say that the LA can assess liable relatives payment, these regs are due to be changed in April 2007, and the government has issued an advisory to LAs, stongly suggesting that they should not try to enforce these payments. About the only way a lien could end up on a property is if, after your Mother goes into a care home, your father simply didn't pay the assessed portion of the fees.

    Also, don't forget that the remaining spouse may now be enitled to pension credit.

    Jennifer
     
  14. Helena

    Helena Registered User

    May 24, 2006
    715
    " If my husband needed to go into a home they would take his pension and the govt would top it up "

    If you were a non working wife and do not have anything other than a tiny pension based on your husbands NI contributions but you both lived on your husbands company pension ...........just what are you going to live on when they steal all his pension ?????????

    I know several people that has happened too
    Not only are the wives living in abject poverty they also face a charge on half the house so their entire life and future is ruined
     
  15. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,419
    I'm sorry Helena, but that company pension should be split 50/50. If it hasn't been, the people you know have been cheated, and should appeal. The rules are quite clear.

    Age concern do a very good fact sheet on this subject http://www.ageconcern.co.uk/AgeConcern/Documents/FS39May06.pdf
     
  16. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Hiya Jennifer,
    Thanks for your posting -you have obviously done some research, and thanks for the link to Age Concern. I think it would benefit a lot of us to read it, as it is an area that causes a lot of distress and confusion.
    Thanks.
    Helen
     
  17. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,419
    Sadly, I think the confusion sometimes extends to the people who are supposed to help us. I have myself received extremely suspect information from so called professionals, so I've learnt to check EVERYTHING.:)

    Jennifer
     
  18. Helena

    Helena Registered User

    May 24, 2006
    715
    I will tell them that .........clearly some people have been cheated

    However if it needed all of the company pension to run the house in the first place to even rip 50% away would put many many spouses in dire straits

    I sure know it would for me

    The household bills , council tax etc account for 90% of my husbands company pension so rip away 50% what am supposed to pay the bills with ?
     
  19. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,419
    #19 jenniferpa, Jun 30, 2006
    Last edited: Jul 1, 2006
    Yes, that would be very unfortunate (to say the least). Not to minimise the problem, but the stay at home spouse would most likely be eligible for a variety of means test benefits including pension credits, income support and council tax benefit. From what I've read, there is very poor take up of pension credits in particular. This is the link to the pension credit calculator - you can enter a variety of figures to see how different scenarios would affect you
    http://www.thepensionservice.gov.uk/pensioncredit/calculator/home.asp

    You've paid for this everyone - make sure you get what you're entitled to!

    Just to add to this, if you use the calculator to see what would happen if your partner was in a care home, run the caculations as if you were single, with the halved income and savings - the calculator tells you to call if you have a partner in a care home (and of course you can) but essentially, they treat you as if you are single, so that will give you an idea what you're entitled to.
     
  20. Helena

    Helena Registered User

    May 24, 2006
    715
    I have already looked at that both for my mother and myself

    Thanks to my Mothers very small work pension added onto her state pension she is not eligble for any means teasted benefits

    Theres no way anyone in the South with high Council Tax etc can possibly live on the maximum the state will top you up to or allows you to have before the cut off point

    So the government is indeed wrecking 2 lives especially for my generation who did the right thing and stayed home to care for their children and in my case my grandchildren too

    If my husband lands up in a home I will have no option but to sell a house i love and live in a rented poky little flat
     

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