1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

    Sam, our Knowledge Officer (Legal and Welfare Rights) is our expert on this topic. She will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 26 June between 3:30 - 4:30 pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

  1. susan.wisdom

    susan.wisdom Registered User

    Oct 8, 2005
    20
    As previously mentioned my aunt has dementia and is an insulin dependent diabetic. She needs carers to make sure she eats her meals, but she has no insight into this and all she says is that I have been ok for 6o years. She is in hospital at the moment, what should we say to her to try and make her see that she needs carers when she says she doen't? If she doesnt eat she will have a hypoglycaemic attack and end up in hospital again, unlike non-diabetics it does matter if she misses the odd meal. How do make her see reality when she has no insight. Any advice welcome please.
     
  2. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Susan, my own opinion is that you must just go ahead and put/keep carers in place with regards to regular meals.
    As you say you cannot reason with Auntie on this problem, she does not fully understand and does not remember.
    If you take carers away it just seems she will soon be back in hospital.
    How you manage this is another matter. I probably haven't helped, but just wanted you to know someone was listening.
    Take care, Connie
     
  3. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    4,348
    Birmingham Hades
    Susan
    I agree with Connie.
    You must ignore the protestations and send in the carers,Auntie will accept it eventually.
    Remember you cannot reason with the unreasonable
    Norman
     
  4. rummy

    rummy Registered User

    Jul 15, 2005
    700
    Oklahoma,USA
    This thread will help me too as we are preparing to have someone start coming in to help my Mom. This is a baby step though for now and not health critical like your situation. I know my Mom will pitch a fit though and am dreading it. Guess this is one of those tough love situations?

    Debbie
     
  5. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    15,982
    Toronto, Canada
    Yes, it is a tough love thing. Unfortunately, there comes a point when we have to choose between allowing the AD person the dignity of making their own decisions and stepping in.

    Susan, with your diabetic auntie, just go ahead & put things in place. One thing - do you or another family member have PoA? Not sure how it works in the UK, but in Ontario it can be very difficult to get anything done without one.
     
  6. KarenC

    KarenC Registered User

    Jun 2, 2005
    122
    Los Angeles, USA
    Debbie, I don't know what state your mom is in, but if she is borderline as to needing help, you may be able to start slow with a lot of "control" on her part, which might go over better with her. When my mom started needing help (she was then in the "independent" level of a 3-tier retirement community) we hired a companion/caregiver for one morning a week. We made it clear that Mom did *not* have to have this person looking over her shoulder if she didn't want. The caregiver would report in, and if Mom told her to go away, she would go sit in the lobby, and just check a couple more times during the morning. At first what went over best was if there was something specific to do, like a doctor appointment to go to. Mom *did* get used to the lady, and in fact got very fond of her and looked forward to her visits because the lady would take her out to get a hamburger for lunch, etc.

    (Later it ceased to work, as Mom had less energy and didn't want to be prodded to do things like go out to lunch, but by that time she was in Assisted Living ... things keep changing ... )

    Karen
     
  7. rummy

    rummy Registered User

    Jul 15, 2005
    700
    Oklahoma,USA
    Thanks Karen,
    Mom is in advanced stage, can't be left alone but is living with my step Dad. The psychologist wants someone to come in to get her used to the idea. I think your suggestion of finding someone to begin by visiting/companion each week and let it grow from there is a good one. It is getting clear that she is going to need more care than the two of us can give her. Last week she soiled her pants, put them in a trash bag and into the mail box. Fortunately my Dad found it before the postman arrived! :eek: So you can see this is going downhill and I'm wanting help before it is an emergency. I'd love to get her into an adult day care but she is stubornly opposing it. She has this huge dog that she will not leave ! I don't think many day cares would like a visiting Great Dane.
    Day by day,
    Debbie
     
  8. susan.wisdom

    susan.wisdom Registered User

    Oct 8, 2005
    20
    auntie

    took auntie home from hospital yesterday - she was in an absolutely foul mood, stranage as she has been in a good mood the day before. She didn't see why she should have a care- she had managed ok for 60 years, and didn't want the nurse coming in to do her insulin, again as she has been doing her insulin for 60 years, and according to her had never had a hypo attack in all that time.
    Today my mum phoned her as the carer had asked mum do do this as my aunt was feeling thirsty, another side effect of diabetes. My aunt then launched onto another attack on my mum saying she didn't want all these people coming in for the rest of her life and that her and my aunt were finished. As far as we are aware she has not been rude to the nurse of carer - yet?
    Any ideas how this may develop and is the any comforting advice to give my mum, she is 80 herself, with high blood pressure and the situation is not helping that. My mum, I know, will never let go of helping when she can, but I do worry for her. I help when I can, but sometimes you just don't feel like helping someone who is so horrible to you when you are trying to help.
    Many thanks.
     
  9. rummy

    rummy Registered User

    Jul 15, 2005
    700
    Oklahoma,USA
    Hi Susan,
    Read "The Validation Breakthrough" by Naomi Feil. It gives excellent advice for dealing with and communicating with aggresive and negative behavior. Has really helped me in dealing with my Mom. I'm going to reread it as I need the refresher.
    Take care,
    Debbie
     
  10. SmogTheCat

    SmogTheCat Registered User

    Sep 1, 2005
    45
    Italy
    I've a similar problem.
    Grandmother is diabetic (non insulin dependent) and granfather too. grandfather need assistance for walking and he is incontinent. She can't care of him.
    She's Alzherimer ans lot of time she's very aggressive.
    We changed 4 people for care of them but she continues send them away (she sent away mu Mum and my Dad too a couple of days ago).
    She tought to be able to cook and do every kind of work like a normal housewife but she isn't able. She says she's no stupid. She wants to be free to live her life regularly.
    Grandfather is scared about her. She didn't cook or cook very stange and bad foods (like frozen sausage, tomato salse and tuna mxed together and eaten without cooking them! :eek: ).
    Everytime she's angry she refuse to eat and drink and so her glicemy slows down.
    She refuse to drink also drops for keeping her a little calm!

    What can we do with her?

    We are waiting to put her in a nursery home but... what we can do in the meantime?
     

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