Short version. Booked 2 weeks' respite for my mother (90, vascular dementia) so we could have a break (we're exhausted by being awake/alert 24/7). We also booked 4 days away - my OH is retiring and is giving some final lectures/seminars (in the UK) and I'm going along. Care home 1 couldn't cope as mother agressive, wandery and felt they couldn't keep her safe; care home 2 (dementia specialist) also couldn't cope after 2 nights as v agressive (including hitting staff and causing injury), 8 falls in two nights and cut herself in several places, and seems to have UTI. Dementia team managed with GP to get her admitted to hospital - so far (in 28 hours) been in A&E and two wards and about to go to another (I won't moan about the lost walking frame and hearing aid!). No diagnosis yet and she is v confused. So far of our 14 days respite I've spent the first 5 still on the ceiling with worry and having to deal with the various challenges albeit not without support. Dementia team adamant that we shouldn't have her back home and that they will find her somewhere that will take her, agression and all. They're also clear that we need our break and should not cancel. My problem. We are booked on a train at 10am Sunday, away until 9pm Wednesday. Dementia team not around over the weekend. Can I, in all honesty, assuming my mother is no worse tomorrow when I go to see her, just leave her in hospital and say that they need to talk to the dementia team when they want to discharge her? It feels callous and uncaring of me but we really need a few days break and I know she is in a safe place and will be looked after. I'll be on the end of the phone and would be able to get back within half a day if necessary. Am I a dreadful daughter even thinking of this? Am I abandoning my mother when she needs me? What's worse is that I don't think I can cope with her coming back here and would certainly want to know that this agressive behaviour is not going to be the norm - she doesn't half pack a punch with her walking stick! I'm not asking for validation just thoughts.