Nikki Noo said:Hello I am new today.
My nan has Alzhemiers, she has lived away for 12 years (when my grandad retired) with my grandad and 2 years ago they moved back to be by their family. We thought they were moving back because of my grandads health (he has had various forms of cancer and goes for 3 monthly visits to remove new growths). It turned out my nan has Alzhemiers and my grandad wanted the support of his family.
When they moved back she was just a bit forgetful but now she has deteriorated so fast.
She doesn't drive and never used to be one to go out on her own but she used to cook us grandkids lovely treats and fantastic cakes. Now though she doesn't cook, clean (the house), wash regularly or general hold a conversation. She says things all mixed up and none of it makes sense. She has gone back 30 odd years and still thinks her parents are alive (although my nan is 72).
All my nan wants to do is go for drives constantly, grandad takes her out every day and he says when the place they were heading for she is asking why she is out and she wants to go home, they return home and she is asking him why he hasn't took her out.
As I said above grandad is not in great health himself but he says he is "old school" in that he married her and he has had 52 wonderful years of marriage and he should remember that when she turns on him (she hits and pinches him - saying she is joking but its for no reason).
All of our family work, my mum gets home the earliest at 2pm and they are round at our house at 3pm, they go home for about an hour and come back about 5pm for half an hour and come back at 7pm till 9.30pm usually.
Nan is always on the edge of her seat asking when they are going home (even though grandad said as soon as they get home she is asking to come to our house).
My grandad is completely worn out as is my mum. I have two sisters and one of them has experienced a nasty side of nan when she was looking after her and now unfortunately this has really affected her relationship as she says this person is not her nan and she wants my grandad to start thinking of himself as nan doesn't know what she is doing and he is killing himself trying to cope with it all.
Grandad said he was going to get respite last week and when my mum went to take my nan shopping out of the way so he could phone for the help he had changed his mind. He doesn't know what he is doing from one day to the next - he said he feels like his head is going to burst.
What can we do to help him? Half of us think a few days away a week for nan would be best and grandad definately needs a rest, but the other half think how can we put her in a home for those days - it would break grandads heart and I think it would kill him living without her if it turned out he couldn't cope and she had to stay there.
Our family isn't coping very well, we all love them so much and it is so hard to see grandad looking worn out and nan being horrible to him when he is 5* angel but yet he doesn't seem to help himself. He doesn't realise he is 78 and help is out there.