What a decision

[paris07]

Hi all,
my worry is not a new one it has been with me for several years , until now I have been able to control the pain with medication but I am finding that I have to consider having my both knees reconstructed one at a time, due to sever arthritus, which leads me too my worry of who will look after mum?
The thought of putting her in respite care again is a big worry for me ,even though the doctor explained I would be eligable for emergency respite the thought of mum being upset again is very hard to cope with.
mum did not like her resent stay for 2 weeks in respite so I can imagine this time will not be any better. When I mention it to mum she always says, " I will be alright on my own" I then feel more guilty as she does not realize she has to have 24/7 care .
I think we would be looking at 1month ,I understand that I am not indispensible and I know that she would have good care so WHY am I worring?

Also I have arranged for a psycholigist to visit mum at home ( not sure when as they are very busy ) hope its this side of christmas .

Regards paris07

 

[Skye]

Hi all,
,I understand that I am not indispensible and I know that she would have good care so WHY am I worring?

Hi Paris

I'm sorry you're having these problems with your knees, but of course you have to have them done. It will make such a difference to your life.

I think the problem is that to your mum you are indispensible, and you don't want her to be upset.

But you will be able to care for so much longer if you are free of pain, so it's in her interests too, isn't it? And you're right, she would be well cared-for.

There isn't really an alternative, is there? I'd say, go for it, have the operations, and live your life free of pain.

Mum will be OK.

Love,

 

[lovdn2]

Hello Paris

I agree with Hazel, you will both benefit when you are mobile and pain free.

Of course you are worried about respite, but it will be a few weeks at least until your first op, so her reaction may be different by then.

Go for it, you need to look after yourself in order to care for your Mum.

 

[Taffy]

mum she always says, " I will be alright on my own" I then feel more guilty as she does not realize she has to have 24/7 care .

It's so hard for the carer in cases such as yours. My uncle had both knees reconstructed and wishes that he had of taken the specialist advise and done so, years ago. My mum also felt she was capable of looking after herself and I would agree with her to keep the peace, but, I would tell her that the government won't let the elderly stay at home alone as it's not safe, for some reason she'd related to this, not happily though. Maybe, you could tell your mum the doctor said you need knee surgery and you want this surgery because of the pain, but, you cannot leave her alone, with alot of reassurance, she may consider respite. Just a thought. I hope things work out well for you. Taffy.