What a day!!

Kate P

Registered User
Jul 6, 2007
Mum is being reassessed today - our new CPN is not happy so has asked the consultant to come out and see her again - I think they'll be pushing the assessment ward idea again.

I'm torn - on one hand things can't continue like this on the other I hate the idea of her being in somewhere like that. I don't see it happening because she won't agree to go and dad will dither - I think he wants someone to tell him what to do but no one can do that for him.

On the "plus side" the CPn has informed us that they've now read up on mum's condition so understand it a little better - how helpful - might have been more helpful if they'd done that how many months ago but still, we can't have it all...

I'll let you all know how it goes. Wish us luck!


Registered User
Mar 7, 2004
Kate, when you start a sentence with "I'm torn", you need more than jusr luck.

Wishing you luck goes without saying, I just hope as a family you get some support and understanding too.

Take care now.


Registered User
Jun 27, 2006
Dear Kate

Indeed I do wish you luck. Like you I find the "reading up on it" comment more than a little mind-boggling but I suppose better late than never.

As to the assessment idea - I do think there are assessment wards and assessment wards. Unfortunately you don't know what flavour your've got in your area until you've experienced it. Theoretically they are a good thing, but practically they don't seem to be so great.

Kate P

Registered User
Jul 6, 2007
Is there blood gushing out of my ears?

Cos there should be!!

Once again a complete and utter waste of time.

My sister had gone to chaparon the event but ended up taking mum into a different room because mum was being so aggressive towards the consultant and the CPN (growling and jabbing her finger in their faces).

Anyway, because they were in a different room she didn't know what had been said or what the outcome was. So I ring dad and the conversation goes like this:

Me: Hi are you okay. Amanda told me that mum was really mad.
Dad: Oh I think it was only because they were there.
Me: How did it go - what have they suggested or what do they want to do?
Dad: Nothing.
Me: Well what did they come round for?
Dad: To see if she's alright.
Me: Well she's not is she?
Dad: ..... Well I suppose not
Me: What about changing her medication?
Dad: Well they know she doesn't like taking it so they're leaving it as it is.
Me: Dad I really think you need to start seeing Dr **** because things just can't carry on like this, it's ridiculous.
Dad: Hmmm.
Me: Well you know as things are she can't carry on going to the playgroup.
Dad: Yes but your mum doesn't know that and how can I tell her?

So basically my interpretation of this is he's told them she's only mad because they are there - a whopper of a lie - and that her medication is fine and although he needs a little help they're managing fine - another whopper of a lie.

He's going to keep letting her go to the playgroup because he doesn't want the confrontation of telling her she can't go and because he doesn't want to lose his "alone" time.

I do think I've finally reached my limit. I want to kick him in the shins and call him names - none of those actions being helpful but nothing else works.

Time for some serious tough love cut off - it'll be the hardest thing I've ever done and I feel pangs of guilt already but I can't think of anything else to try.


Registered User
Jun 27, 2006
I'm sorry Kate, but I think you are correct. While you and your sister continue to take up the slack, there will be no changes in the situation. And you know that playgroup thing has to stop.

So very difficult for you both but I can't think of any alternative.


Canadian Joanne

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 8, 2005
Toronto, Canada
No, you certainly can't go on this way. It must be heartbreaking for your father though, as frustrating as he must be for you.

Can your father tell a big fat whopping lie? Perhaps say there's been a plumbing problem at the playgroup so it's closed for the next 2 or 3 weeks? If not plumbing, pick something else, anything else. One child has pink eye, the heating's not working, something along those lines that your mother might accept.

Someone has got to tell your mother something. She must be quite feisty - everyone seems afraid of her!:)


Registered User
Sep 27, 2006
You do seem to be 'betweeen a rock and a hard place'. You know things have to change but your dad, like all men I think, wishes secretly that all will turn out well in the end and if he sticks his head in the sand, this will go away.

I do understand where your dad is coming from. It is so very hard to accept that this disease is causing such changes in his wife and his life. Perhaps he needs to be worked on by both you and your sister, bearing in mind that this disease is turning his world upside down. I often felt pressurised by my family into seeking more help then I felt I needed. They could see the things I couldn't and I did need their input, although at the time I was often resentful and didn't want their ' interferance' but at the same time as I felt all of this I knew they were saying such things becaused they loved both me and my husband and wanted me to accept help.

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
And I understand where your father`s coming from too Kate. He just can`t face it.

The only difference is his failure to make a decision is impacting on your lives and it isn`t fair. I wouldn`t like to think I was affecting Paul` life in the same way.

So you will have to tell your father he is expecting too much from youYoureally do neeed to take care of your own health, now more than ever, and this stress cannot be doing you any good.

I wish Your father would come onto TP. He would see how others cope. What happened to that? Did he ever?

Love xx


Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
SW Scotland
Dear Kate

I'm so sorry the 'assessment' was such a failure.

I think you're right about the tough love, Kate. I can understand your dad not wanting to upset your mum, but this just isn't fair on you.

Did you manage to talk to the vicar? he could well be the answer to your immediate problems. But your dad is going to have to come to terms with things soon, you can't carry on like that once the baby is born.



Registered User
Aug 9, 2007


I do think that your Dad is not realising the imapct of the illness. Just a thought - would it be possible for you and your sister to speak to the consultant without your Mum and Dad around and explain the situation.

You really do have to stop your Mum helping at the playgroup and that would probably be best coming from someone other than family but if the vicar and or playgroup leader know that they have yours and your sisters support they will probably find it a lot easier.

THnking of you at this difficult time