Went to see Nanna today.


Registered User
Oct 16, 2007
manchester, uk
Hi all

I haven't been to see my Nanna for just over a week as my son has been ill with his condition.

Wow nothing could have prepared me for the way she has changed in such a small space of time. I had been told that the staff are having to feed her, becuase left to her she'd eat nothing. When I walked into the lounge where she sits she looked 10 years older. Her eyes bulging out and her hands and arms are just skin and bone now.

She tried to talk but all that came out was mumbling. She kept figiting so I just held her hands. We didn't stay long as my son was with me and I didn't want him getting upset. So when we got ready to go my son blew her a kiss and I gave her a cuddle. She pushed me away telling me I smelt horrible. I had to laugh as I was wearing a perfume she use to love.

The staff have told us we need to move Nanna now to a home where she will get one to one care 24/7 as she now also refuses to take her medis, and keeps attacking the staff.

This time last year she was such an independant person, it hurts so much to see her like this.

Thank you for listening.

Hope all is well.
Take Care


Registered User
May 14, 2006
Dear Clare,
So sorry to hear the news about your Nanna, but glad you found a little bit of humour about your perfume! Wish there was some way to help, other than just lending an ear.

Best wishes, Chess x

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Dear Clare,

It`s very difficult to see such a rapid decline. It seems to come without warning and there doesn`t seem to be an explanation.

Nothing to add really except sympathy and understanding of how painful this must be for you.

Take care xx


Registered User
Jul 31, 2007
Dear Clare,
I am so sorry that your Nanna has deteriorated in such a short time. For many of us we have gone through it and no words can really give you comfort. I though it was lovely that your son blew her a kiss. She might not have liked your perfume but you did give her a cuddle. You never know with A.D. a cuddle, holding hands, a kiss and a smile goes a long way. If you don't wear the perfume next time, your Nanna might say why aren't you wearing that perfume I bought you. I have been there and have the tee shirt and it never fails to amaze me what they do and come out with.
Do hope your son is feeling better. Best wishes. Christine

Margaret W

Registered User
Apr 28, 2007
North Derbyshire
Dear Clare

I'm afraid lots of us are going to be in the same position at some time, when we have to recognise that our loved ones need a different level of care.

Just be pleased that you are able to see her, and keep on giving the hug even if it isn't apparently appreciated - cos it will be, underneath.

Much love



Registered User
Apr 15, 2007
Dear Clare,
I am sorry to read that your nanna isn't doing so great. Maybe, when she is moved to a higher level of care things may improve for her, we can hope that will be the case anyway.

I also hope that your son is recovering well.

Take Care Taffy. :)


Registered User
Dear Clare,
This will be the first time I have joined someone else's thread, but your short message touched me and touched on so many things that are like my Mother that I felt I had to write and say something.
My Mother has done the same thing, not about perfume, but she has pushed me away several times and the wild glares she often fires at me are very deeply upsetting. My Mother does not feed herself and I too was horrified at the weight loss she has suffered, but she has now been placed in a proper nursing home and they have the time and facilities with which to tend to her needs. She had been in two weeks when I saw her and she was clearly happy there. Another resident often helps Mum feed herself and in some way this preserves her dignity.
Sure, she still fires off these wild glares and clearly doesn't know who I am other than I mean something to her, she's just not sure what and I have to settle for that,, next time I see her she will probably be worse, but don't be afraid to move her, I was and now I am glad she is in a place where they can and will look after her properly. I am sure your Mum will be happier when she gets the treatment she needs and the comment is right, next time she may well ask where the perfume is that she bought you. It's all part and parcel of this awful disease and we have to learn to cope with it.
Being pushed away is dreadfully painful I know, but she's still your Mum deep down. Blame the illness not her.
I don't know if what i have written is of any use at all, probably not, but my heart goes out to you anyway and I understand, I am there myself, Keep strong!


Registered User
Jul 6, 2007
leigh lancashire
Please forgive me if my post seems harsh,it is meant in a positive way.Can i begin by saying that if staff at the home have expressed concerns you must take them onboard.Its hard to admit that our loved ones are going down,but what would you rather have?carers that want to care and are unable(lack of training) or carers who are fully trained?care is objective to individuals.tough times.love elainex


Registered User
Jan 31, 2004
near London
elaine02 said:
care is objective to individuals
to elaborate...I think you mean that paid carers can take an objective view of a person's condition and evaluate in a way that those related might be unable to do so quickly - but that the provision of care related to the needs of a particular person/resident should then be subjective to that person's condition.:)