Well meaning friends

[PalSal]

@Canadian Joanne ...My pet hate.... “But he looks alright he’s smiling and chatting “ ... I do appreciate people just don’t always understand but please think before you speak. Stay strong A x
PS..the smiling is fine but the chatting could be just about anything really or perhaps nothing at all

I love that one "He looks great....Or he answered the telephone and he sounds terrific! He said hello!! That was a 1 in a million chance he picked up the phone. Most of the time he does not even know where the phone is let alone to pick it up. Oh well, moan moan moan

 

[SoAlone]

Totally agree...I was absolutely adamant and said so vocally to friends who suggested in a kind way that for my health and to look after my OH who had then recently been diagnosed with a seeious illness...even so...there was no way he would ever be looked after in a home. Then the decline...the increasing challenges...the cruel reality.....all of it imploded and I had to agree with them that in my early days of naivity of what was to come...they were right.

I felt this too. OH is 17 years older than me and we had the inevitable ' you may be left alone earlier than many' conversation, but in both our minds he would be here with me then 'gone'. Since diagnosis OH has deteriorated quite quickly and within 2-3 years and after a lengthy stay in an Assessment Unit, he has now been in a Nursing Home for 4 weeks. And it is now that I feel so sad and bereft and as we all do guilty at my own lack of ability to keep him at home. And I still have little daydreams as to how I could manage it. Reality is that I couldn't. It took a carer breakdown, helped in part by lack of action by Social Services, for me to relinquish the sole carer role. I was advised within a few days of him entering the Assessment Unit that he would not return home. But as you all say unless you really do have this T Shirt you can't know what it is like.

 

[PJ]

In fairness (and to clarify), my BIL is a really nice bloke and this was right at the start of our "dementia journey" over 4 years ago. Like a lot of folk, I just don't think he thought about what he was saying and they have been fairly supportive since.

My skin has got considerably thicker over the last few years, which is I guess a bit of a defence mechanism. Just occasionally something, be it a remark or something on TV, will pierce that thick skin and the tears come - usually in the quiet of my own home.

I am off abroad on holiday on Thursday for a week, with my mate and his wife, to celebrate his 50th. My wife is going for a respite stay at the Integrated Care Centre where she goes one day a week for day care. It's the first time we have been separated (apart from when I used to go away with work) so I have very mixed feelings about it. I know she will be fine but I am still apprehensive.

I am hoping that the break will "top my batteries up", providing I survive the birthday celebrations in Magaluf!

Have a wonderful time in Magaluf @Philbo I’m sure your wife will be fine & when you get back you can tell her all about it

 

[EdgsonW]

It is hard reading, but it is necessary and helpful to release these feelings.
I said at the start, only one plus years ago , that I would treat it as a new career.
But each day brings me so many new situations to deal with, I can't keep up . Note, diaries, appointments to update and keep up with.
Sleep does not give me rest any more. Still loneliness is my greatest fear so thanks for all your discussions glad or sad.
And it is us Carers who are the only ones who can really understand.
Bless You All
Chris at 79 years old and of course My Dearestxxx

 

[Philbo]

Have a wonderful time in Magaluf @Philbo I’m sure your wife will be fine & when you get back you can tell her all about it

Yep had a brilliant and relaxing time and wife was well looked after in the respite unit.

Thanks
Phil