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We lost my grandad earlier today

MeganJackson

New member
Feb 21, 2022
7
0
My grandad passed away at 12:45 today. I am at such a loss. I feel so empty. My whole world has just come crashing down. He stopped eating and drinking just over 3 weeks ago and he has held on for so long. I am so unbelievably proud of what he achieved in his life. The memories I will cherish forever. Please tell me it gets easier because I can’t stop crying. I’ve not only lost my grandad. I’ve lost my best friend and my dad. ❤️
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
18,448
0
South coast
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) @MeganJackson
I am so sorry. Everything is so recent and raw for you. It will get better, but will take time.
Be gentle with yourself and dont expect too much from yourself.
 

RosettaT

Registered User
Sep 9, 2018
786
0
Mid Lincs
Oh Megan I'm so sorry. Please don't pressure yourself in any way. How we react to grief is individual to each any everyone of of us, take it at your own pace.
It will get better but it will take time.
sending (((Hugs)))
 

GillP

Registered User
Aug 11, 2021
1,426
0
Sincere condolences Megan. Such a difficult time. Try to remember the good times and smile as you do so.
 

Bunpoots

Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
6,321
0
Nottinghamshire
So sorry for your loss Megan. When my dad died my girls felt they had lost their dad as well as their grandad. Things will get better.
(((Hugs)))
 

jaymor

Volunteer Moderator
Jul 14, 2006
14,980
0
England
My condolences on the loss of your granddad. It will get better overtime but right now you deal with it in your own way.
 

MeganJackson

New member
Feb 21, 2022
7
0
So sorry for your loss Megan. When my dad died my girls felt they had lost their dad as well as their grandad. Things will get better.
(((Hugs)))
He was my dad and my grandad. I didn’t have a dad growing up he filled those shoes. I feel like a huge part of me has been ripped out 😭
 

SamanthaS

New member
Mar 1, 2022
2
0
My grandad passed away at 12:45 today. I am at such a loss. I feel so empty. My whole world has just come crashing down. He stopped eating and drinking just over 3 weeks ago and he has held on for so long. I am so unbelievably proud of what he achieved in his life. The memories I will cherish forever. Please tell me it gets easier because I can’t stop crying. I’ve not only lost my grandad. I’ve lost my best friend and my dad. ❤️

My condolences to you and your family Megan. I understand it would have been a very difficult time for you these 3 weeks but your mind and body will need to go through the grieving stage. You will cry a lot and this is normal, just release all of your emotions and allow your body to grieve, in time you will learn to manage the pain and will look at memories and be able to smile again :) <3
 

Whisperer

Registered User
Mar 27, 2017
318
0
Southern England
Dear @MeganJackson

Please let me initially express my condolences on your loss. I could not move on without trying to help you with a few pieces of advice offered with the best of intentions.

1) Having lost my mum in early February 2021 I discovered in the intervening period that mosBritish people do not handle grief very well. Time to “move on”, get “over it”, etc, are hackneyed cliches which are meaningless. When people asked me how I was doing I thought they really wanted to know, but in reality they rarely wanted to know how **** my world was. Take no notice of anyone who tries to put timetables or limits on grief. They are either talking about something they know nothing about, or never properly processed any meaningful grief they have experienced. Allow yourself time to process what has happened, particularly as right now the grief you are feeling will be so raw.
2) There is an old saying “when you have met one person with Dementia remember that is all you have done”. Each Dementia experience is different. I now believe experiencing grief is the same. Even within a family different members will grieve in different ways for different time periods. There is no set path.
3) In truth you never do get over grief fully, but you learn to live with it. The initial intense grief eases. The only grief cliche I believe to be true is that “time heals”. Not because the grief ever fully goes away, but you gradually learn how to manage it, you build memories of your loved one into your life, the sadness remains but you can inwardly smile when you remember better pre Dementia days. I talk to mum each day, have her pictures up, remember and now use some of her old sayings. In that way part of mum goes forward with me. You say your grandad was in reality also your dad. You must have some lovely memories of him and you as a child. Painful maybe now but in time, when you remember them, there will be sadness but also more positive emotions linked to the experience, as it happened, will also be present.
4) I am not really sure I accept the idea that grief has stages. To me it just seemed a muddle if ups and downs, emotional turmoil and numbness. On 2/2/2022 I went to the Garden of Remembrance on the anniversary of mum’s death. I thought I had made progress over Xmas, but god it hit me like a brick wall. Sitting on a park bench crying my eyes out, holding my mum’s long loved teddy bear. The next week was grim but since then I have I think made lasting progress. My sister says I am now-at the stage of Acceptance of mum’s death. Going to the gardens really drove home mum has gone. Her funeral had been severely limited by COVID restrictions and did nothing to help me process events. Please just accept that as you move through grieving there are ups and downs, not a straight line. With time you will process the grief, learn to accept it is now part of your life.
5) I subscribe to a free grief website run by two ladies who lost loved ones in tragic circumstances. It is very well run and full of useful ideas and suggestions. I am not saying everything in their monthly emails resonates with me, but I wish someone had shown me that website earlier in my grief. Some of my feelings would have made more sense to me. I am not sure if I can mention the website directly on this forum, but if you agree, I will privately message the details to you. One point they make is to learn to live with your grief by seeing it as part of the new you. Not something to push away, but to see as just a new part of you. Your grief is the physical and emotional face of your sense of loss. Please understand trying to push it away will not work, it will just stay put at the same level. Recognising it as the price we pay for loving another person, I started to make progress. Sorry I am a bloke and hope I have made sense there.
6) Finally I think you may have a lot of trouble with some people because your grief can only be understood, with knowledge of your background. You say your grandad was like a father to you. Anyone not knowing that fact may wonder at the intensity of your grief. I am not saying they have the right to do that, I just refer you back to point 1). Yes I lost my mum. Additionally I lost the person I lived with for 32 years as an adult, my best friend, my trusted confidant, the lady I cared for over six years, the person I spent almost a year shielding with. My grief is no more special or noble than another”s, but only when I put it into that context do I realise it was bound to be more intense. Others who lost a mum they hardly ever saw in adulthood, cannot understand the intensity and length of my grief. Be gentle with yourself. You not only lost a loving grandad but also a father figure. The man who wiped away the tears of a hurt child, held your hand, offered advice and support, taught you many of the things that make you who you are now. That is a lot to grief.

Well I have done it again. Started off saying keep it brief but failing to do so.. I hope my words are of some help to you. Take your time to process what has happened. Remember your grief will ease in intensity over time but never fully go away. It will always be a part of you going forward. You will come to terms with that. There will come a time you will think of your grandad, the initial feeling will be of sadness at losing him, but then a smile or joy as you go on to remember a special memory. I have built up a memory book of better pre Dementia times with mum. Initially I feared I would forget her over time. Now it is a positive thing in my life, I can read through whenever I get a sad period. Please consider doing the same. I close wishing you well for the future. If you private message me about the grief website there maybe a short delay in my answering. I now work long nights so about half the week I do not go near the internet. Please look after yourself and I wish you a long future.
 
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