Visit to my daughter in Germany

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by Lucy Grace, Nov 12, 2015.

  1. Lucy Grace

    Lucy Grace Registered User

    Jul 24, 2015
    17
    I have not been on Talking Point for a while as I felt totally suffocated with my situation.

    I have just got back from a week visiting my daughter and husband in Hamburg and felt for once I was in the 'real world'!!! I had to get away from my husband as I was at breaking point as he is slowly deteriorating. To be able to get away in the first place was like a military operation! I have carers popping in every day to check on him - his sons came down at the weekend - post-it notes everywhere and lists - my polish cleaner - her mother popped in to check on him one day - all the food ready for him etc., etc.,

    I know it most probably will sound terrible but I did not want to come back from Germany. I feel now my home is my prison and with A taken off the road he is always around me.

    Lucy Grace
     
  2. chick1962

    chick1962 Registered User

    Apr 3, 2014
    11,282
    Female
    near Folkestone
    Hello Lucy Grace , I am sure we all feel like that at one point during our journey so don't feel guilty . Caring is hard and can be very isolating. Hamburg is beautiful , my aunty lives there and it sounds like you had a wonderful time :) sending a big hug xxxxx


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  3. thebes

    thebes Registered User

    Feb 10, 2014
    163
    London
    I am glad you came back to TP to share how you feel, I have found it very helpful to know that others are out there stoically carrying on too. It doesn't change how hard it is, but for me it does help ease the isolation and sense of being cut off from the real world. I also get ideas from other posts about how to manage better, and to forgive myself for my mistakes and frustration.
    You don't say what help you get if any, or whether you OH goes to any sort of day centre or group. Both of those types of support have helped me keep going, as it has helped me keep up my hobby which is such a source of relaxation.
    It is good to hear you have had a lovely week away, please don't beat yourself up about your difficulties in fitting back at home. Enjoy the memory of the trip and plan the next one. In the meantime do work out how to escape more often during the ordinary days and weeks.
     
  4. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,731
    Agree with thebes. welcome back too :)
    perhaps this is your internal warning sign that whatever help you have in place at the moment you need some extra? Everyones needs are different and from what you are saying you need much more time to yourself, maybe with friends or family or whatever you choose. Perhaps it is the right time to listen to your internal voice.
    Even if he doesn't want to go to a day care or lunch club it seems to me that you need him to go in order to recharge your batteries and have a bit of 'fun' and relaxation and be ready to care again when he comes home. Perhaps 3 days a week?
    take care and keep posting everyone is here to support you xx
     
  5. Lucy Grace

    Lucy Grace Registered User

    Jul 24, 2015
    17
    Thank you for your reply. I know I got very depressed because in August I had a terrible accident and with trying to get myself fit again and cope with my husband it proved all too much. I think Hamburg is a beautiful city and my daughter and husband live by the river near Effendorf!

    Take care
     
  6. Lucy Grace

    Lucy Grace Registered User

    Jul 24, 2015
    17
    Thank you for taking the time to reply. I know I got very depressed because back in the summer I had a terrible accident and with trying to get myself fit again and looking after my husband proved all too much. After my accident my husband deteriorated a lot and even though there are plenty of places he could go he is just very stubborn and digs his toes in and won't try anything. I have just had to cancel his golf membership because he never goes and in the last couple of months has been taken off the road.

    Luckily I do have a life but with my accident I was tied to our home. I play bridge and try and see my friends as much as possible. I am very lucky with our neighbours as they always keep a look out for my husband.

    I don't know about you but I miss scintillating conversation - everything gets repeated time and time again and I do feel I live in a world now that does not make any sense at all.

    Take care
     
  7. chick1962

    chick1962 Registered User

    Apr 3, 2014
    11,282
    Female
    near Folkestone
    Aww Lucy it's such a struggle sometimes and I wish I could make it better for you . Have you got support as in carers and a carer assessment? Admiral nurses are fantastic but don't know if you got them in your area? I tend to take it day by day and as you know, some are better then others . Sending lots of hugs your way and wishing for brighter days xxxxx


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  8. Lucy Grace

    Lucy Grace Registered User

    Jul 24, 2015
    17
    Thank you for replying. I realise Talking Point is a great place to air all our frustrations - it is just finding the time to go on the site.

    Back in the summer I had a terrible accident and with trying to get myself fit and looking after my husband I did get very depressed but I am determined now to take more breaks. I am very lucky as our neighbours are wonderful and when I go away I make sure my husband has people popping in and out. The trouble is his whole world has shrunk and I sometimes feel I am living in a world which makes no sense at all.

    Take care

    Lucy Grace
     
  9. Trisha4

    Trisha4 Registered User

    Jan 16, 2014
    2,440
    Yorkshire
    I also understand and share your frustration and feelings of being a prisoner. My husband will not let me out of his sight. At times I feel very resentful towards the illness and it is easy for that resentment to become towards husband even though I know it's not his fault. I don't have things in place to give me any time away from him but I'm working on it for both our sakes.


    Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
     

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