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    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

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Violent Behaviour - What Help

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by EONONLY, Nov 26, 2007.

  1. EONONLY

    EONONLY Registered User

    Nov 26, 2007
    23
    Kent
    My good friend is in very advanced stages of Alzheimers and is also suffering with some Parkinsons. In short he is unable to walk more than a few paces unsupported, cannot speak and has not communicated legibly for a year. He is completely confused now and recognises (as his Mother) just his wife. They are both over 70. This in itself is enough for anyone to contend with, but he is increasingly violent in his outbursts - likely to harm his wife almost certainly and himself. He is very close, if not beyond, requiring full time dementia care. His poor wife is struggling valiantly on, but it cannot continue as she is at her witts end. Friends help, but she is left to carry an increasingly heavy can for 95% of the time.

    The time to enter care of some sort is very close, in fact - overdue. I know she has paid for the odd week of respite from time to time. How should she proceed - They have their own home and some savings.

    Any help appreciated
     
  2. gigi

    gigi Registered User

    Nov 16, 2007
    7,788
    East Midlands
    Surely the first thing to do is for someone to contact the GP and make him/her aware of the situation. GP should organise immediate assessment of home circumstances and it should all unfold from there-apparently it can vary according to area-but can't stress enough that first point of contact should be GP. If your friend's wife is unable to do this you could do it on her behalf-telephone conversation or arrange an appointment as a matter of urgency. If situation is out of control local social services have a duty officer on call. You are a good friend to have..
     
  3. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Hi EONONLY, welcome to TP.

    Does you friend see a consultant? If so, his wife should ring his secretary and request an urgent assessment.

    The same with social services. She should not have to carry on like that.

    If she can't get any satisfaction, she could try the local branch of Alzheimer's Society, ot Princess Royal Trist for carers. Either of those would put pressure on SS for a new assessment.

    Has the wife had a carers assessment? She's entitled to one, and she should be getting some support herself.

    There is help out there, but you have to ask for it.

    Thank you for your post, it's good of you to want to help.

    Let us know how it goes, and if you've any questions, just ask.

    love,
     
  4. EONONLY

    EONONLY Registered User

    Nov 26, 2007
    23
    Kent
    Thanks so much for your replies. I will contact Social Services in the morning.

    I've just got back from them and he was just lying on the floor and was refusing to go to bed or take medication. He was fighting, kicking and screaming and trying to bite his wife. He has in the last few days started this awful grinding of his teeth and he must be doing some dreadful dental damage. Can anyone advise any specific department I should contact in Social Services - I'm sure his wife would know but I think some external input would inject a little more urgency? There is definately a dramatic change in the last couple of days in his behaviour.
     
  5. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,722
    Kent
    Social Services, County Duty Service
    [out of hours] 08457 626 777

    This is the number I was given for emergency Social Services for Kent. Please try it. I hope you will get some help for your friend.
     
  6. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    When you ring, stress how urgent it is. Paint as black a picture as you can, it's the only way to get instant action.

    If they say you have to wait, do try AS or PRT. They'll ring SS for you and chase them up if they don't respong. Either will help.
     
  7. EONONLY

    EONONLY Registered User

    Nov 26, 2007
    23
    Kent
    Thanks for the fast reply Sylvia. I rang it and they advised it is a messaging service for emergency Social Services, if I wished they would get someone to call me back this evening. As he has settled I will keep hold of that and if anything develops further tonight I will give the out of hours number a call. They said I could call the same number in the morning and speak to them then. At least there is an understanding contact - If i'd have had it earlier (ie before I posted!) I would have called and started some sort of ball rolling.
    Thanks again
    Ian
     
  8. EONONLY

    EONONLY Registered User

    Nov 26, 2007
    23
    Kent
    Thanks Skye,

    What is AS and PRT please?

    Thanks
     
  9. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Sorry, Alzheimer's Society, and Princess Royal Trust.

    Look in your phone book for your local branches, you'll find them so helpful.
     
  10. EONONLY

    EONONLY Registered User

    Nov 26, 2007
    23
    Kent
    Ok Thanks

    Regards
    Ian
     
  11. EONONLY

    EONONLY Registered User

    Nov 26, 2007
    23
    Kent
    Well it has all kicked off again over the last few days. I contacted SS and they have called round and seen both of them.He headbutted a carer at the Jasmin Centre and they called in his 73 year old wife to collect him as they won't have this. How she is supposed to cope if they cannot god only knows. Tonight he has been punching, kicking and biting his wife - he wiped off a table top of plates and a computer sending it all crashing to the floor. I phoned the out of hours number and they called back but don't appear overly concerned - To all intents it appears that the Consultant is happy that she is able to cope, he is not supporting any additional action.

    I have not contacted AS or Princess Royal Trust, would they bring pressure to bear anywhere? She really is at her witts end now.
     
  12. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,722
    Kent
    I`m sorry but I have absolutely no idea how a situation like this should be handled. I can only suggest you contact the Alzheimers Society tomorrow. The Helpline number is;
    national helpline on 0845 300 0336.
    perhaps they will be more helpful.
     
  13. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,419
    Oh dear. I'm sorry to say this but I suspect the only way you'll get action taken on this is if his wife calls them in tears, and then I'm afraid the only action that can really be taken is sectioning - is she prepared for this? I think one of our members was in this position once and she went to social services and refused to leave until they took action. If you think it's a matter of them no realising just how bad this is you could try recording him in one of these destructive episodes - even a sound recording would I think give someone pause. As a last resort, all I can think of is to call the police - we know it's the disease that's doing this, and it's not his fault, but it doesn't mean she has to be seriously injured before action is taken. Did someone back up in this thread tell you about elderabuse (elderabuse.org.uk)? - they may be able to make suggestions.
     
  14. alfjess

    alfjess Registered User

    Jul 10, 2006
    1,213
    south lanarkshire
    Hi

    I was told by SS that if no one was available to care for my Parents, then SS would have to do something.

    At the time I was only looking for care to go to a wedding, but I would think that, if your Mum said she had, had enough and was moving out, leaving your Dad on his own, then they are duty bound to provide care

    I think if you tell SS that Mum is giving up and will no longer care for your Dad, then they have to put something in place for your Dad's care.
    Worth a try, even if you don't mean it.;)

    Take care

    Alfjess
     
  15. christine_batch

    christine_batch Registered User

    Jul 31, 2007
    3,388
    Buckinghamshire
    Just a thought. If I was in that position when Peter was at home I would have called out the Doctor as an emergency.
    Best wishes and Good Luck. christine
     
  16. EONONLY

    EONONLY Registered User

    Nov 26, 2007
    23
    Kent
    Thanks again for your replies everyone. Practically, in fact on any level, he could not survive more than minutes on his own and it seems outrageous that the "Authorities" are happy to allow abuse, violence and anything else that happens to this defenceless over 70yr old Woman and her Husband.

    Does anyone know if this is a "phase" - something to get over in this dreadful condition of Alzheimers? - If it is, and it was straightforward care (and that is clearly a real understatement forgive me) then it would be manageable with assistance and respite from time to time.
     
  17. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london

    I cant believe that no one in authority has not told her what to do in an emergency like that

    you get out of the room , lock your self in a room putting yourself out of danger or just get out of the house and let him get on with it hopefully a phone near you calling 999 .

    police ambulance will come if they still feel his a danger to the person around him and himself they take him to the local emergency mental heath unit
     
  18. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    I know it sound horrible and its not her husband fault his got a brain disease like AZ that making him so violent , but calling 999 is the only way she going to get the support she needs , sound like it at braking point with her if she does not reach out tell someone in Authority how bad it is , they just can't do any thing for her , even if they seen it happen at that center when he head butting someone.

    The wife has to reach out for
    support then she get what you said she needs
     
  19. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,419
    "Is it a stage?" you ask. Well it might be, but it might not. Sorry. This is, I'm afraid, the point where most people either end up placing their loved one in care or getting an increase in medication, normally both. Frankly, at the very least the consultant should be looking at medication to break this cycle. There are no guarantees that it will work, but they should be trying. If he was placed in care and was violent, I'm certain that there would be a prescription for anti-psychotics in place - no care home staff would be expected to withstand this sort of thing and neither should his elderly wife.
     
  20. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #20 Margarita, Dec 1, 2007
    Last edited: Dec 1, 2007
    your so right when you say that


    that why I say .... so calling 999 in those kind of
    violent situation even if by the time they turn up his crammed down it is the only way to get proof that his that violent toward his wife at home , they police keep report that the wife can show SS so they can put him in a dementia care home , or NH or an assessment unit what ever the wife wants
     

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