1. rcw444

    rcw444 Registered User

    Dec 28, 2017

    I haven’t posted on here for a while but tonight I am at a loss of what to do.

    Just to recap; I’m 22 and my mother has Alzheimer’s, she was diagnosed in 2011 and I had to care for her for a long while. Now my step-dad and a part-time carer care for her, I could no longer care for her because the strain on my already bad mental health became literally life-threatening.

    Tonight I hear my step-dad and mum coming upstairs to bed, firstly I hear banging like someone falling downstairs and then I hear her screaming.
    Soon after I get a knock on my door from my step-dad. He asks me to come into their bedroom, so I do...
    What I then see, is what I can only describe as the most disturbing thing I’ve ever seen.

    My mum is sat on the edge of the bed, completely crippled over, shaking, wrists/hands bent backwards and her head just hanging down. I couldn’t see her face. All I could see was this crippled body. It honestly looked like the image of death.

    I ran back into my bedroom and burst into tears. I don’t know what to do. I can’t get it out of my mind. I don’t know if I ever will. I’m scared to go to sleep because i know I’ll have a nightmare.

    I think that the only thing worse than having your mother die, is watching her slowly and painfully disintegrate into a dying skeleton and basically get closer and closer to death every day.

    She is so underweight. I think her BMI last time it was calculated was 15 something.
    But honestly seeing what I’ve just seen wasn’t like seeing a person, it was like seeing a skeleton.

    My step-dad did knock on my door again and he told me he is incredibly stressed and she is very very unwell. I told him I love him and gave him multiple hugs. He said he just wants me to be happy which made me cry even more.

    I am in SO much pain. I’ve been struggling immensely with my own mental health over the past few months and right now I am struggling to stay strong.
    This is just too painful to even write in words, how am I ever supposed to do anything with my life when I’ve now got a clear image of my mother like that in my head?

    I’m also very worried about my step-dad. When I cared for her it drove me to the edge, I just don’t want it to do the same to him.
    Nobody should have to go through this. Nobody.

    I don’t know if anyone can help but i thought I’d write this anyway.

    Thank you for reading

  2. Cazzita

    Cazzita Registered User

    May 12, 2018
    Oh my goodness, that must have been a terrible shock! I wonder why your step dad wanted you to see that. So sad for you all. You need much more help and must get yourself assessed and your stepdad too needs lots of help. Maybe it is time for your mum to be in a care home/hospital/hospice?? I don't know as I'm no expert but hopefully others will point you in the right direction. Very hard to say to someone to 'be strong' when they feel low but you must ask for help from somewhere. Can the carer advise you how to move on?
    Please see someone about your own mental health - you are too important not to.
  3. nellbelles

    nellbelles Volunteer Host

    Nov 6, 2008
    Hi @rcw444 I’m glad you could open up here on TP and I hope it helps you feel less alone.
    Could you see your GP and maybe be referred for some counselling, I realise that won’t change how ill your Mum is but it might help you cope a little better.
  4. pixie2

    pixie2 Registered User

    Jul 21, 2018
    All I can do is empathise. My mother screaming she hates me and to leave her alone to die. I will never get these words or the memory of her slapping me out of my mind so I know what you are going through x
  5. Lindyloo17

    Lindyloo17 New member

    Sep 10, 2018
    So sorry to read your post.
    I'm very new here (2nd post ) just wanted you to know there are people thinking of you.
    Please get support from friends work college other family and GP.
    Your mental health and happiness is very important.

    Big hugs x
  6. Norfolk Cherry

    Norfolk Cherry Registered User

    Feb 17, 2018
    What a dreadful experience. You and your step dad must get some help, you can phone Social Services and report this as an adult at risk (both you and your mum) As ppl above have suggested, your GP can refer you for counselling, it has helped members of my family no end. Wishing you well.
  7. witts1973

    witts1973 Registered User

    Jun 20, 2018
    Leamington Spa
    As mentioned above I would call social services and ask for an assessment an urgent one,don't worry they should be able to help get something in place that will help you mother and take some pressure of yourself and your step dad
  8. Bod

    Bod Registered User

    Aug 30, 2013
    Not much more I can add.
    Should a Care Home be necessary, consider that to be the best care you and step Dad can provide. Mum will never agree, but that is normal.
    Be strong, once she settles, you will see that it was the right decision.

  9. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    Sweetheart, I am so very sorry. Something very similar happened to me when I was your age regarding my poor mum. Over life, these awful memories will get less, but this is a trauma and such a shock for you. Yes, you must get help. Your GP will probably be able to put you on the path for counselling, just to talk, give it all the light of day. The shock will pass and you will be able to lead your life, but it really would be best if you got help as soon as you can. I know, the situation is dreadful, as you say, nobody should have to go through this, nobody. with warmest wishes, Kindred

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