Hi. My mum has vascular dementia, we got the diagnosis 3 years ago. Fortunately, my husband and family, especially my daughter, have fully supported me in keeping mum with us at home. My daughter is her full time carer during the day when I am working. We are having issues with mum now over using the toilet and emptying her bowel. She just doesn't want to do it. It makes her very confused and distressed. She recognises she needs one and we take her, helping with undressing and helping her to recognise the toilet itself. But she just panics when nature starts to happen. I don't think she likes the feeling and she gets so distressed its heart breaking. She often says you do it for me. Help me. We try to talk her through it, but she tries to stand or grab at things. The nurse has said that she should go on laxatives but won't that just make her mess herself? She does on occasion now and that makes her cry too. Just don't know what to do for the best. We want her to be at home for as long as possible.