Utter despair and desolation

[Norrms]

Hello all, mid afternoon yesterday i felt as though someone had come behind me and covered me in a lead overcoat. When i was diagnosed with heart failure i knew i was starting to get depressed and sought help, but since being diagnosed with Alzheimers 15 months ago i have noticed lately it has become much worse, though sometimes not that evident through my posts.
The feeling of utter despair, emptyness and desolation is sometimes so much its like having a complete blackness thrown over your eyes and weights placed around your shoulders. I have been prescribed some very good anti depressants a short while ago and wouldnt like to take any more so not to become (Slowed up any more than i already am is the polite wordage i think)
I often wonder if others who also have this horrid disease at my stage or indeed the later stages also suffer from this disabiltating depression but isnt recognised as such because we have Alzheimers?
There are days when i will go for hours without speaking of become so down all i want to do is sleep when this depression hits and i wondered if anybody else is in this position, especially in the later stages but unable to tell anybody how they feel?

Alzheimers and dementia is such a complicated disease with many factions added in and i thought it just might be worth a mention, hope this helps in some way.
Still feeling very low but a little better than yesteday, best wishes to all, Norrms and family xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[hazytron]

Hi Norms
I wish you and Mum could have a good chat together, she suffers terribly from depression, and from the way you have described your symptoms, she sounds the very same
Maybe it could be arranged???????? I think she would benefit from talking with you, hopefully you too.
Regards Hazel

 

[Norrms]

Hiya

Hiya Hazel, sorry to hear your mum sounds like she has something similar and thats exactly the point i was trying to make, i wonder how many others are in this position without knowing it?
Maybe sometime soon we could chat but as you can understand i have to be in a more positive frame of mind before i could consider that,I certainly dont want to make anybody any worse, but its a wonderful thought and one that may happen in the future? best wishes, Norrms and family xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Lynne]

Dear Norrms, I'm sorry you are feeling so down today, must be something in the air as I'm a bit low myself, even though my life should be getting back on track by now.
.

 

[Michele]

Hi Norrms.

I just wanted to say that I think you are an amazing man. You are always there for everyone, and I think it is wonderful that you share your experiences with us, it helps a lot.

Sending you a really really big big ((((((((((HUG))))))))))

Love
Michele
xx

 

[Grannie G]

I`m also sorry you are so low Norms.
Dhiren took antidepressants until this month when the consultant took him off them. I think they helped. I wouldn`t like to think how he ould have been without them.

 

[beech mount]

Now Norrms this is not like you,dont get depresed over possible heart failure there are many people walking around not knowing they have it, i can understand the depresion over the AZ my wife also is depresed a lot of the time.
Could it be withdrawel symptoms from Meat and potato pies and black puddings? or,you havent been smokeing those funny cigs have you?
Come on norms !!!
John.

 

[Norrms]

hiya

Hiya john, i have absolutley no idea what you mean by fuuny Cigs???LOL your just trying to get me i trouble again arnt you ?? LOL Havent smoked in seight years,i was a fifty a day man but best thing (apart from meeting my angel) i ever did was quit, most recommeneded !!
Will get my fix of meat pies and meat and potato pies when i arrive back there in a coule of weeks, (but not too many Sylvia, promise !!LOL

Best wishes, Norrms and family xxxxxxxxx

 

[Winnie Kjaer]

Hi Norrms,
You said it yourself, but nobody would ever believe that you are feeling depressed reading your posts here on TP. You are extremely good at hiding it. We do of course all have a front we put on some times. Good of you to share though, because it does so help other people to learn more and more about this terrible desease. I hope the heavy feeling will soon lift completely and that you do not have too many days like yesterday. You will no doubt mention this to your doctor or consultant next time you see him, he may know whether this a normal part of your stage or whether you are experiencing something more unique to you. He may also be able to suggest something that will help but not make you more drowsy.
I wondered whether the post mortem may be playing on your mind more than you realise. Whatever it is I am sure the old Norrms will soon resurface. Take care

 

[gigi]

Hello Norrms,

I'm sorry you've been feeling so low, but would like to thankyou for sharing your experience of how it is when the depression hits you.

It helps us to understand how it must be for those we care for.

Hope the bad feelings are starting to fade and you feel brighter soon...

Love xx

 

[Skye]

Dear Norrms

I'm so sorry you're feeling depressed. I don't know how often it goes with Alzheimer's, but I know the two can be easily confused in the early stages.

I hope the prospect of your visit to the Alzheimer's Cafe tomorrow gives you something to look forward to -- and the fact that so many people here on TP, and now in the broader AS sphere, value what you have to offer.

Take care, we want a full report tomorrow.

Love,

 

[sad nell]

Norrms just wanted to tell you how much you amaze me with your honesty and insight in to this awful illness, and to let you know how much you help us carers, by being so open and sharing your feelings with us, hope your mood lightens tomorrow, you are a special person to very many love to you and Elaine, Pam

 

[Barry]

Alzheimer’s and depression

Alzheimer’s and depression​

Hi Norrms,

Much like yourself after I suffered my mild stroke some 5years ago (pre my diagnoses of Alzheimer’s) I started to become depressed which I think was mainly due to the fact that I just could not work or do things in the same way that I had previously been able to do without thinking about, this then became slowly worse when I was diagnosed shortly after the stroke as having mixed dementia with Alzheimer’s so the doctor prescribed a mild antidepressant which I still have to take each day which at first helped to lessen any sudden changes in my mood, but as my dementia has progressed over the past 5 years so have my days of desolation increased.

The problem is you don’t know when such days are going to suddenly descend on you as it’s a completely different feeling from having a cloudy day in the mind, but when it strikes I go into a deep despair of isolation with a feeling that I have the weight of the worlds problems on my shoulders and I’ve often said to my wife Sumi that at such times I feel as though I’m being sucked into a quagmire and the more I struggle to get free the deeper it pulls my in, I sit in total silence not wanting to talk to anyone, do anything as in using the computer, or watching the TV as any sense of reasoning and rationality has gone and what ever people try saying to me is always wrong as there are no words that can neutralize the depths of lost fortitude and will to fight back, so I go to my bed in the hopes that if I sleep the feeling will pass away yet sleep eludes me as the mind is so weighed down with disillusionment of life which I’m sure is caused by this debilitating illness that has no boundaries as it encroaches into our everyway of daily life, sometimes the depression can pass quickly and only last a few hours and I bounce back to my old self without much recollection of the depression having happened but then sometimes it can go on for two to three days which then has a rebound affect on Sumi who is somewhat at a lose of knowing how best to help me except with love and patience and the understanding that it will pass away, and as the illness progresses it becomes even more difficult trying to explain it to people that have never experienced the depths of depression that can pull you down into the very bowels of the earth with all lose of optimism.

Such is my own experience with depression as captured on a photo by Sumi.

Barry

 

[TinaT]

Thank you so much Norms and Barry for sharing this with us all.

I see depression in Ken also except that he doesn't go to sleep but gets more and more anxious and frightened. I wish he would sleep more. It hurts so much to see him frightened and feeling alone and breaks my heart!

It is always hard to read your posts because you both put me in touch with how my poor man is feeling but I'm very grateful to you both for doing so when he can't.

xxTinaT

 

[connie]

Dear Norms,

You could have been describing Lionel with your words:

There are days when i will go for hours without speaking of become so down all i want to do is sleep when this depression hits

however I will never know whether or not it was/is depression.

You have a way of giving us an insigth into this illness.

Barry, thank you too.

 

[NewKid]

Just to add my thanks to you two fine gentleman, as I know my Mum spends a lot of time lying in her bed and I fear she is detaching herself from others and depressed. How you describe things, it helps us all in our efforts to understand and give the love needed. I hope too that soon you will feel better Norms, but get help from TP if you need it. Take care.

 

[Barry]

Many thanks for all the replies as is always good to know that our efforts in trying to explain the depths of our feelings within this illness are of use to people

 

[Norrms]

Hiya

Hello all, once again i am humbled by your kind words and thoughts. i am feling a little better today and smiled for the first time in a couple of days (or was that because i had four of my grandchildren running round last night when they came for tea??) I am sure sometimes that lots of things "Happen behind the scenes" when i get like this sometimes, as my grandchildren seemed to appear from nowhere and were just the tonic i needed !! thank you all so much for your continuing suppost, best wishes, Norrms and family xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Amber 5]

Hi Norrms,
Sorry to hear you've been feeling so down lately. It is good to share it on here as mostly you come across as a very happy, jolly person, and it would be hard to guess that you get depressed. It is such a horrible thing that descends whenever it feels like it.

I know my mum has retreated to her room and is lying on her bed cuddling a teddy which seems to keep her content. (Although it worries me that she is keeping herself to herself, might be depressed - sometimes a quiet time can be a good thing until a better frame of mind comes back). Two days ago she was upset to learn about another resident's husband having dementia. It is strange that she can have the insight to be upset for other people who have it, but seems to have no knowledge that she has it - other than memory problems. I have always thought that she would go into a deep depression if she once allowed herself to accept that knowledge, which is why I don't dwell on it when mentioned. She seems more content with the way things are at the moment.

Thank goodness for your grandchildren - they always work wonders for lightening the mood don't they? Hope you continue to feel brighter Norrms. The sun is trying to get out here which always helps a little - hope it is there for you too.
Love and best wishes, Gill x

 

[Beezed]

Dear Norrms and Barry,

Just catching up. So sorry Norrms that you were having such a bad day. I hope you are in a better frame of mind now.

I just want to thank you both for the insight you provide into dementia. We can't enter your world but we can understand a little better.

Sending a big (((Hug)))

Love,
Jeanne.