1. Kitti

    Kitti Registered User

    Jan 28, 2015
    Not sure how to manage this, the person I care for is now getting muddled with basic hygiene and either forgetting to use toilet paper or not using it properly or not putting it down the toilet. I would really appreciate some advice on how best to manage this. Is there something I can do to help her remember what to do? I am trying notices but she doesn't see the notice in the night and during the day not really following the instructions, she wants me to be in the bathroom with her to remind her what to do which is fine but am I making her more dependant? She is not happy about other people going in with her.
  2. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    Hi and welcome to TP.

    To be honest I think there comes a time when the only thing to do is to be in e bathroom with the person. I got to that stage with my mum and have been at that stage with my husband for some time now.

    Good luck.
  3. Tin

    Tin Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    I go into the bathroom with my mum now, although she can still use loo paper properly, she sometimes has a tendancy to rub too much so I seat on edge of bath ready to tell her that's enough. I now have to remind her regularly to go to the toilet because she can leave it too late!!!
  4. Lilac Blossom

    Lilac Blossom Registered User

    Oct 6, 2014
    I think the best thing is for you to be there so that you can remind her and/or help her - and also reminding her to wash hands. I have been at that stage with hubby for a good while.
  5. Jools1

    Jools1 Registered User

    Feb 3, 2014
    Hi. I feel for you. My mum has been demonstrating similar behaviour in the last few weeks. It has reached the point where she needs to be supervised using the toilet at all times (in my opinion). A couple of days ago I discovered the reason we kept finding poo on her hands and elsewhere in the bathroom. When she sits on the toilet she uses her fingers to try to evacuate her bowel. I live nearby and work part time and her main carer is my uncle (her brother in law) so we've reached what feels to me like a crisis. Anyway, I spoke with a SW, who has made an emergency referral back to the mental health service and mum is on the agenda for their meeting this morning. In the meantime my only thought is to try putting disposable gloves on her when she goes to the loo. Not yet sure how well this will work, but basically, we have reached the point where as a family we don't feel we can keep mum safe and we are pushing for residential care. Fortunately she is self funding, but finding somewhere we like that has a suitable vacancy is not so easy. I am also trying to see the GP because she might actually have a physical problem with her bowel, but getting an appointment is another story. I hope you manage to find a suitable solution. :(
  6. Maymab

    Maymab Registered User

    Oct 8, 2013
    My husband is also getting to the stage of needing supervision in the toilet. Can I ask how carers manage this when out and about.

    Sent from my Nexus 7 using Talking Point mobile app
  7. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    South coast
    When mum needs the toilet while we are out we just use the disabled toilet and I go in with her.
  8. sleepless

    sleepless Registered User

    Feb 19, 2010
    The Sweet North
    When we are out and about we use disabled toilets, so that I can help my husband, but also to prevent him wandering while I use the loo. I bought a Radar key via the internet.
  9. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    #9 Izzy, Jan 30, 2015
    Last edited: Jan 31, 2015
    Use disabled toilets. They have so much space and allow you to take your time to get organised. Like others I have a radar key. Well worth it. You can get one from Amazon. We have an extra one which we got free from the council as my husband has a Blue Badge.
  10. Ann Mac

    Ann Mac Registered User

    Oct 17, 2013
    For the last several months, my Mil has either been forgetting to use or forgetting how to use loo paper - however, she is still taking herself to the loo and objects (most of the time) to me going in with her, so it is hard to manage :( The only solution I've found is to encourage the use of tenna pads, because as well as helping with her stress incontinence, these also stop her underwear becomming very badly soiled. The only downside is that occasionally, she attempts to flush them down the loo - however, as she will also do this is her undies are soiled, its the lesser of two evils for us to deal with x
  11. Maymab

    Maymab Registered User

    Oct 8, 2013
    Thanks to those who replied to my query. I hadn't heard of radar keys but will certainly get one.

    Sent from my Nexus 7 using Talking Point mobile app
  12. Kitti

    Kitti Registered User

    Jan 28, 2015
    Many thanks for the replies, its really helpful. I think one of the problems I have is trying to maintain as much dignity and independence as possible for the person I care for whilst also making sure she is safe, including being clean and dry.
  13. stanleypj

    stanleypj Registered User

    Dec 8, 2011
    North West
    Yes, that sums it up very well Kitti.
  14. Borsetshire

    Borsetshire Registered User

    Aug 18, 2015
    Toilet paper

    Hi anyone had this..........?

    Mum, 86, early altzheimers living with 89 year old partner, has suddenly started putting used toilet paper,sometimes pooey, in bathroom bin not in toilet. She has been getting excrement all over toilet for years but this is new! We suggested to partner that he takes away bin but he won't. Ideas
  15. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    Reminds me of when OH used to put loo paper in the bin and tissues down the loo! Fortunately it's a biggish room and I moved the bin over the other side and on top of a low cupboard.. I used to think throwing loo paper in the bin was a bit of a game for him!
    But it wasn't long before I had to be there with him.
  16. LynneMcV

    LynneMcV Volunteer Moderator

    May 9, 2012
    south-east London
    Hi, as others have said, unfortunately there comes a time when the person with dementia needs somebody with them when going to the loo.

    I have been at that stage with my husband for about a year now. His difficulty is mostly in remembering the order of things from pulling down pants, sitting down and actually doing 'the business'.

    He is aware of the general process of cleaning up but loses track of what to do with the toilet tissue once used. If I wasn't on hand to talk him through the whole process it would end up anywhere.

    There is a fine balance required to make sure enough support is given during the whole process without overriding the person's dignity or independence. I tend to let my husband do as much as he can, usually just standing by the door or just outside the room, pretending I am otherwise occupied.

    One he has finished I pull off the sheets of loo paper for him so he can just concentrate on cleaning as much as he can, and I direct him to put the paper down the loo before I hand him the next bit. Eventually, if I think it is necessary (which isn't always) I step in at the end with 'you've done a good job, would you like me to check all's good?'

    He hasn't refused my help yet but he doesn't come away thinking he has lost his ability to do the most part of the task.

    His carers at the day centre have also been informed of his toileting needs should he ever need to answer the call of nature in their care.

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