Upsetting Care Home Visits

[Highgate]

My Father vists my mother every few days in her Care Home, it is a good home with very attentive staff. Dad looked after her dressing and washing her on his own with no help at all for many years but eventually she was unmanageable and had to go into a home with 24 hour support.

She is completely and utterly miserable, she is cross with Dad and begs him to go home. She keeps saying she has done nothing wrong and can't understand why she is unable to do things.

Mum has been in the home for 6 months now and every single visit Dad has had has gone the same way, she never seems to have any times when she is restful, she is constantly anxious and unhappy. The staff indicate she is upset most of the time, even when Dad is not there.

The most upsetting part for Dad is that she tells him that he doesn't love her. She doesn't respond in any way to reassurance.

The visits are breaking Dad but I know he will keep going to see her as he does love her very much and wants her to be calm and settled more than anything in the world. I keep hoping I will hear from him saying that he had a good visit but it never happens.

Is there anything I can say or do to make this easier for either of them?

 

[marionq]

If she is depressed and miserable then surely the GP can help out. I have noticed when going to AD activities that in the midst of everyone enjoying themselves eg at a singing group there is always a miserable, moany person who seems almost to be refusing to be happy. Of course there is no way of knowing if this is dementia, depression or something in that persons nature. The best you can do is to seek help and advice from her doctor.

 

[Grannie G]

Hello Highgate

Could your dad put the onus on the doctors?

I told my husband the doctors wanted him in this `convalescent home` so he could build up his strength. I know it wasn`t the truth but it appeased him and stopped him feeling I had rejected him.

 

[LYN T]

There is a Gentleman in may Husband's CH who is always wanted to go home. He voices this wish Very often-often accompanied by very colourful language.The Carers tell him that he needs to get better first.

Take care

Lyn T