Update on my mum in law....

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by davekas, Oct 10, 2007.

  1. davekas

    davekas Registered User

    Hi Everyone,
    First of all, a big thankyou to all of you that replied to my post last week regarding my mum in law who was diagnosed with bowel and liver cancer on top of being diagnosed with Alzheimers 3 years ago.
    She has now been in hospital nearly 3 weeks and at he beginning of last week was very distressed and crying all the time for her own mum, her doctor tried her on a different drug and it seems to have worked! She is actually smiling for the first time in months and even recognised us briefly. Sadly, the prognosis is not good though as her doctor can`t say for certain just how long it will be before the cancer takes her. We have, as a family, agreed that she should not endure the distress of investigative surgery - biopsy and cameras put where they are not wanted etc. as we feel this would be far too traumatic for her to bear. The ONLY thing we can thank the Alzheimers for is that she doesn`t know that she has the cancer.
    Life seems so very unfair sometimes as, she survived cancer of the womb just over 20 years ago, and, whilst she was in hospital then, her husband had a massive heart attack and died. It is truly sad to see her now going through all of this. It breaks my heart as she is such a lovely lady.
    Speaking of my heart breaking, and I know that this isn`t the right place for this, but my unborn grandson died a few days ago at just 27 weeks of pregnancy. I don`t know when I will be able to stop crying, it really makes you wonder just how much you can take.
    Thanks for taking the time to read this,
  2. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    oh bless I do feel for you , what sadness surrounds you at the moment.

    I do ask myself that also , then just pray for a brighter
    future xx
  3. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Dear Karen,

    You really are going through it just now.

    I`m so sorry. First your MIL and now your unborn grandchild............ from one end of the age range to the other.

    And you in the middle worrying about them both.

    Take care

    Love xx
  4. davekas

    davekas Registered User

    Hi Margarita and Grannie. G.
    Thankyou both for your support, I`m trying to stay positive.
    Love Karen. xx
  5. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    SW Scotland
    Dear Karen, I'm so sorry to read your news. Life is so unfair sometimes, and gives us more than we can bear. I'm not surprised you can't stop crying. The loss of your
    baby grandson must have torn your heartstrings, coming on top of the news of your mum in law.

    As you say, it's a blessing that she doesn't know about the cancer, and I think you're right not to subject her to painful and stressful investigation.

    I do hope life has some nice things in store for you, you deserve them. In the meantime, stay strong, and keep posting. We do care.

  6. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    NW England
    Well done, Karen - it is so hard to see any positive for anyone sometimes .....

    If only dementia were the 'only' thing we all had to deal with ...... Karen, don't apologise ...... sometimes it helps us all to have a reality check that there are other things going on in life too - I'm sorry that for you just now they are so sad ...

    Please allow yourself time to grieve all the different losses you are suffering .....

    Love, Karen, (TF)
  7. Nell

    Nell Registered User

    Aug 9, 2005
    Dear Karen,
    Life just seems too cruel sometimes. My heart goes out to you in your current heart breaking situations. May you continue to find the strength and the grace to bear your burdens. Always know that we on TP are here for you.
    Sending you my warmest caring wishes.
  8. Margaret W

    Margaret W Registered User

    Apr 28, 2007
    North Derbyshire
    Oh, Karen, what a dreadful time for you, it seems you are surrounded by illness and trauma. Look after yourself so that you are able to help your family.

    Much love

  9. davekas

    davekas Registered User

    Hi Everyone,
    Great big thanks to all, you are lovely caring people. I can almost feel the hugs coming from the computer monitor! xx
    By way of an update: my mum in law is still very poorly, but they have decided to discharge her from hospital this monday (15th) back to her residential home, which surprised us a bit as we assumed she would need to go into a nursing home. Anyway, an assessment has been done and that is what they have decided. Our biggest concern is, that as the cancer progresses, she will obviously be in a lot of pain and we are worried that the residential home might not be in a position to administer morphine. We understand that a district nurse would be called for in that event and fit a "feedline"for the morphine. Has anyone heard of this before? To our way of thinking, surely she would be better off in a nursing home where they can give her immediate and ongoing pain relief. It`s all a bit confusing, and we certainly don`t want to undermine the hospitals`assessment decision. We just want what`s best for her.
    Regarding my unborn grandson, - Reuben Harry David was peacefully delivered on Thursday 11th October at 3.50pm. A beautiful tiny boy who weighed just 1lb 10 ozs.
    I feel like I have been on an emotional rollercoaster this week, but I am so glad I have you all to turn to. xx

    Karen. xx
  10. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    SW Scotland
    #10 Skye, Oct 13, 2007
    Last edited: Oct 13, 2007
    Dear Karen,

    First of all, may Reuben Harry David rest in peace, secure in the knowledge that he is very much loved.

    I'm crying with you, and my sympathy is with you and his mum.

    Regarding your mil, I'd go and talk to the NH manager as soon as possible and ask her all your questions. It doesn't sound very satisfactory to me, though I'm not an expert.

    Don't just go by what the hospital say, their object is simply to clear beds.

    I'd be inclined to get your social worker on the job too. It sounds as if your mil should qualify for NHS continuing care, in which case SW will fight your corner for you. If you have an emergence number, you could ring tomorrow. The hospital haven't given you much room for manoeuvre, have they?

    You probably don't feel like fighting anything at the moment, I can understand that. But it's going to be so much easier if you can avoid too many moves for your mil.

    Love and huge hugs,

  11. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    #11 Margarita, Oct 13, 2007
    Last edited: Oct 13, 2007
    Just wondering , have you heard of the the dementia nurses that are called Admiral nurses they would be of more help then just a normal nurse or Mc Milan nurses for cancer, your think that a social worker would of talk to you about that , but maybe it all depended if you self funded or not

    this is the link to the Admiral nurses , may be if you up to it you could ring them for advice about your mother in law http://www.fordementia.org.uk/admiral.htm
  12. blue sea

    blue sea Registered User

    Aug 24, 2005
    Dear Karen
    I'm so very sorry to hear of the loss of Reuben. This must be so difficult for you to deal with at the same time as your anxiety and sadness for your mother in law's situation.

    I would agree with Hazel - it is worth getting an assessment for NHS continuing care and finding out whether a nursing home or hospice would be able to provide more suitable care for your mother in law as she reaches the end of her life. I know district nurses do provide excellent care for many patients in their homes in terminal care situations, so presumably can also do so in residential care homes. However there is no harm, and perhaps some good, in checking out alternatives.
    Thinking of you as you travel through this very challenging period in your life.
    Blue sea
  13. davekas

    davekas Registered User

    Thanks everyone for your kind words and helpful advice.
    I shall be seeing my sister in law tomorrow and I think she has a number for the social worker.
    I have to go offline now, so take care,
    Love Karen. xx

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