Update on my lovely Dad - John

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by gill@anchorage5, Oct 22, 2009.

  1. gill@anchorage5

    gill@anchorage5 Registered User

    Apr 29, 2007
    Good Morning

    Have not posted for some time, as we have been kept pretty busy here caring for Dad. For those who may remember us - a little update. For those who don't remember us, my lovely Dad is now 93, has had Alzheimer's for 16 years and I have cared for him at home for the last 3 years.

    Dad went into respite care again on Tuesday 13th Oct. Had been having some problems "down below" but nothing major and seemed quite well in himself. Transfer day to respite is never easy, but went OK.

    Wednesday - visited him and he was fine, we even took part in the sing-a-long with the OT's.

    Thursday I got a call to say that the hospital were very worried about him & went straight in. When I got there the lovely House Doctor advised that he had another urine infection and that this had led to scepticemia. He had been recatheterised, given IV antibiotic and put on a drip.

    On Friday consultant very bluntly told me that Dad had kidney failure and to expect the worst. We had to decide whether he should be transferred to the General where he would be in an open ward where no-one knew him and they were unlikely to be able to do anything further, or to keep him where he is, where he has the privacy of his own room and the staff all know him well and care for him so well. We opted to keep him where he is - with that old cliche of "keeping him as pain-free and comfortable as possible".

    Since then we have really been through the mill. His kidneys are actually functioning now (so that was a mis-diagnosis) - but he is very poorly. The drip had to be removed because it caused a lot of swelling and it is proving difficult to get him to take fluids because he is asleep for so much of the time. He now has a morphine patch which we hope is keeping him more comfortable.

    Dad was really poorly in March and ended up staying there for 6 weeks rather than the two weeks respite planned, but he rallied and we got him home again.

    We are just taking things one day at a time here now. Have moved back with Mum for moral support and because it is closer to the hospital. We are spending as much time as we can with Dad. Difficult times....

    If you are able to do so - please pray for him.

    Kind regards to all

    Gill x
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    I`m so sorry Gill. I do hope your dad is kept comfortable.
  3. Flossy May

    Flossy May Registered User

    Sep 2, 2009
    Cannock, Staffs
    Sorry to hear of your dads illness.

    Sending you a hug!

    Take care of yourself. x
  4. Amber 5

    Amber 5 Registered User

    Jan 20, 2009
    Sorry to hear about your poor Dad. It does sound like they are keeping him comfortable though. My thoughts are with you and your Dad. Will say a prayer for him too.
    love Gill x
  5. foxhound

    foxhound Registered User

    Jun 26, 2008
    Prayer sent.

    However, (with tongue slightly in cheek) I am increasingly coming to the view that the Greeks had it right with a polytheistic view (many gods rather than one) on the basis that only a committee could make such a resounding ****-up of the affairs of this world!
  6. Margaret W

    Margaret W Registered User

    Apr 28, 2007
    North Derbyshire
    Dear Gill

    I don't pray much nowadays, but my Muslim friend takes on all my "cases", so I will ask her to include your dad.

    Wish you well.

  7. Helen33

    Helen33 Registered User

    Jul 20, 2008
    Dear Gill

    They sound like traumatic and difficult days Gill for all of you and you will all be included in my prayers:)

    Love and a (HUG)
  8. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    Prayers said for all of you and I shall continue to think about you all at this difficult time. Good to hear that your Dad has good care around him and is being kept as comfortable as possible.
  9. gill@anchorage5

    gill@anchorage5 Registered User

    Apr 29, 2007
    Difficult times

    Good Morning

    Thanks for your responses and words of comfort at this difficult time.

    Dad is sleeping for most of the time now, hopefully with the increased morphine he is feeling no pain. He does appear to be comfortable for most of the time. He is taking a little bit of fluid but not much when he is awake (and the odd spoonful of ice-cream, which has always been his favourite!) Occasionally opens his eyes and yesterday seemed to be focussing on my face when I spoke to him, rather than looking straight through me.

    Mum & I are spending as much time as we can with him. You just feel so helpless, holding his hand and trying to talk "normally" to him. I just hope that my lovely Dad knows how much he is loved - I am always telling him that and will continue to do so. I am managing to "keep it together" when I need to, but am really in pieces inside. It just takes some-one to say something nice to me when I am out of Dad's ear-shot and I'm in floods of tears. Letting go is so, so hard and while I can't deny the inevitable I know that I'll never feel ready to "finally let go". I know I should, but I just can't.

    Friends & close relatives and the lovely staff at the hospital (from Dads Consultant, to the carers) have said that we are so lucky to have this precious time with Dad, and in many ways I believe this to be true, but it's just so heartbreaking....and somehow "surreal"

    The staff at the respite hospital continue to be wonderful and so caring (to all of us) and are continuing to treat him medically to ensure that he is kept as comfortable as possible. Little things like treating the sores on his mouth, putting padded boots on his to stop the friction.

    Then there's all the caring things that the staff are doing, spending time with Dad when we are not there, holding his hand and talking to him, giving us the green light to visit / phone at any time, popping in regularly to see that we are all OK and offering us tea and coffee. For Dad they are putting his music on when we're not there, somebody put an arrangement of artificial flowers in his room to9 brighten it up, bringing a torch in as the lights seemed to bright for him, and even the "dinner-lady" putting aside an ice-cream from lunch and tea in case he can manage a bit.

    That was quite a long list - but it's all those little "caring touches" that mean so much to all of us and I really cannot thank them enough for all they're doing.

    Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers (if appropriate)


    Gill x
  10. sad nell

    sad nell Registered User

    thinking of all your family and so glad your dad is receiving such a good level of care and consideration, said a prayer for you to stay strong , love pam
  11. gill@anchorage5

    gill@anchorage5 Registered User

    Apr 29, 2007
    No more suffering....

    Good Evening

    Very sad to advise that my lovely Dad passed away at 05:15 this morning. We received the call from the respite hospital at 5:00 and got there at 05:30 - so we were just too late to be with him at the end of this long journey.

    He looked so peaceful when we went in to see him, after what has been a horribly difficult few days for him.

    I knew I would never be "ready" to let my lovely Dad go, but could not bear to see him suffering any more.

    Today has been rather surreal....lots of phone-calls made on "auto-pilot" - family around for which I'm so grateful. Calm and in control one minute and in floods of tears.

    No more suffering thankfully - but already my world seems very empty without him.

    Will try to be strong and support Mum.


    Gill x
  12. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Please accept my condolences Gill on the loss of your dad, and take comfort and consolation from knowing you have been a wonderful daughter.
  13. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    I am so sorry Gill. This has been a long journey for all of you.

    take care
  14. Bubblyxx

    Bubblyxx Registered User

    Oct 25, 2009
    My condolences Gill. You did all you could for your Dad and you are right - your Mum needs you now.
    Take Care
  15. lesmisralbles

    lesmisralbles Account Closed

    Nov 23, 2007
    I am so sorry to hear the news of your dads passing.

    Take care, we send our love XX
    Barb & Ron x
  16. larivy

    larivy Registered User

    Apr 19, 2009
    sorry to hear your sad news take care larivy
  17. Scottie45

    Scottie45 Registered User

    Jan 25, 2009
    Dear Gill

    So very sorry to hear of your dad,s passing,you are all in my thoughts and prayers,take care Marian xx
  18. Winnie Kjaer

    Winnie Kjaer Account Closed

    Aug 14, 2009
    Please accept my condolences too Gill, it is a difficult time for you all. My thoughts are with you and your family. Very best wishes
  19. Amber 5

    Amber 5 Registered User

    Jan 20, 2009
    Sending my sincere condolences to you.
    love Gill x
  20. gigi

    gigi Registered User

    Nov 16, 2007
    East Midlands
    Sorry to hear your news, Gill.

    My thoughts are with you and your family at this sad time.

    Love xx

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