update on home

[cymbid]

Mum was transferred from hospital to a care home for assessment on Monday . I know its only Wednesday . On Monday she was delighted to be in a single ensuite room with her own tv etc Staff are very nice .
My brother and i went in yesterday and she was content watching the tennis.
The staff said she didnt want to go to the dining room to eat (its just across the corridor ) so they gave her a tray in her room.

Mum is not a chatter and doesnt do joining in ......

So today , I went in this morning. She said she didnt like it here , Want to go home . She cant even get out of the chair without assistance, Shes bored. But not interested in going to any activities. Fed up but wont even sit at a table with another person for a meal (in case they want to talk) Hates being with a lot of old folk. (shes nearly 92)

Nothing i said made any difference. It was as if she was determined to be unhappy . Im afraid I didnt stay long today

 

[Kevinl]

Give it time is all I can say, settling into a new environment can be a bumpy ride in the early days. K

 

[SeaSwallow]

Hello @cymbid It's still early days, hopefully your mum will settle down. Have you asked the care home staff how she is when you are not there, sometimes residents will be quite content until family members arrive.

 

[cymbid]

Hello @cymbid It's still early days, hopefully your mum will settle down. Have you asked the care home staff how she is when you are not there, sometimes residents will be quite content until family members arrive.

Oh I think she is content enough whether we are there or not. Mum would never say boo to anyone , especially staff. She will just sit and watch her tv.
I suppose its just me exasperated that she wont (and never has ) mix with others. She really only wants us . She was like that at home too. Bored , but would never entertain a lunch club, befriender etc and most certainly never would have had carers in the house.
Thats why it was always going to be a care home when she could no longer manage alone.
She just wants to turn the clock back . And I understand that

 

[SeaSwallow]

Oh I think she is content enough whether we are there or not. Mum would never say boo to anyone , especially staff. She will just sit and watch her tv.
I suppose its just me exasperated that she wont (and never has ) mix with others. She really only wants us . She was like that at home too. Bored , but would never entertain a lunch club, befriender etc and most certainly never would have had carers in the house.
Thats why it was always going to be a care home when she could no longer manage alone.
She just wants to turn the clock back . And I understand that

It is sad that she won't join in with the activities but as you know she is not going to change. As long is she is reasonably content and well cared for that is the best that you can hope for.

 

[StressedDaughter]

Mum was transferred from hospital to a care home for assessment on Monday . I know its only Wednesday . On Monday she was delighted to be in a single ensuite room with her own tv etc Staff are very nice .
My brother and i went in yesterday and she was content watching the tennis.
The staff said she didnt want to go to the dining room to eat (its just across the corridor ) so they gave her a tray in her room.

Mum is not a chatter and doesnt do joining in ......

So today , I went in this morning. She said she didnt like it here , Want to go home . She cant even get out of the chair without assistance, Shes bored. But not interested in going to any activities. Fed up but wont even sit at a table with another person for a meal (in case they want to talk) Hates being with a lot of old folk. (shes nearly 92)

Nothing i said made any difference. It was as if she was determined to be unhappy . Im afraid I didnt stay long today

I had similar in the early days with Mum (91). I ended up having to join in the activities on the days I visited. I still do that now - balloon tennis on Tuesday - a nod to Wimbledon with strawberry scones afterwards. Mum was happy to join in when I did (one day a week) but wouldn’t on other days.
I also used to deposit her at the lunch table at the appropriate time - gradually she now goes for her tea too. I also stayed for a few meals at first.
Four months later she will go to most things - she even did drawing this week - an old pet hate. She is now dragging her new friend along too - staff say they can’t believe her friend now joins in as she hasn’t before and has been resident for two years. Mum was sociable in the past though.
My Uncle has been persuaded to eat lunch in the dining room and then stay ‘for a bit’ after lunch. But that suits him - he lived alone for years and isn’t particularly sociable. He only does an activity about once a month. But he is happy.

 

[cymbid]

i wish mum was sociable. She thinks she has nothing to say to anyone. That she is uninteresting. She also has a fear that they will latch onto her and want to talk again. No self confidence or self worth. I really dont know why other than a domineering mother .
In her day , she was an expert seamstress, manager of a dress department in a store , and a champion lawn bowler .
She only trusts us (my brother and I ) She fears friendship , she thinks folk will steal from her .
I cannot see her changing and being a joiner -in

 

[Alisongs]

Mum was transferred from hospital to a care home for assessment on Monday . I know its only Wednesday . On Monday she was delighted to be in a single ensuite room with her own tv etc Staff are very nice .
My brother and i went in yesterday and she was content watching the tennis.
The staff said she didnt want to go to the dining room to eat (its just across the corridor ) so they gave her a tray in her room.

Mum is not a chatter and doesnt do joining in ......

So today , I went in this morning. She said she didnt like it here , Want to go home . She cant even get out of the chair without assistance, Shes bored. But not interested in going to any activities. Fed up but wont even sit at a table with another person for a meal (in case they want to talk) Hates being with a lot of old folk. (shes nearly 92)

Nothing i said made any difference. It was as if she was determined to be unhappy . Im afraid I didnt stay long today

My mum went into a home at 103, where they finally diagnosed end stage dementia.
Lots of the older residents sat alone at their own table for meals.
Unless they were bedridden, all the residents had their meals in the dining room, with formally dressed tables.
The best of both worlds.
Social engagement without fuss.
Formal dining also encouraged better behaviours