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Uncle Tom.... we need help.....

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by danielle, Apr 24, 2005.

  1. danielle

    danielle Registered User

    Apr 9, 2005
    26
    :confused: Spent 20 min typing last message out only to have deleted is accidently (i think) :mad:

    To cut long story short,apart from me - mum and dad no one else has been involved in uncle toms life for years.
    Had phone call from hospital today telling me uncle tom had been moved to discharge ward ready for E.M.I home
    I was not impressed to say the least.. (no assesment apparantly this will follow soon)
    It gets worse..
    someone on the old ward contacted uncle toms son.... (next of kin)
    and informed him that he was moving wards (son didnt even know uncle tom was poorly) no contact for years....
    Bad move.... as divvy staff member had also informed son that as i had power of attorney.
    Went to ward tonight and was greeted with Son - daughter in law - niece's who have never heard of etc...etc
    The abuse was mad.... all i heard was them ranting at me for having power of attorney.....Speaks volumes.... no questions about Tom's health....
    It got so bad the staff had to ask son etc to move into side ward.
    Uncle tom did not want to know me...he stated that i had put him in prision and his son was talking him home he told me to go away and he never wanted to see me again.
    It is documented in previous records (years ago) that uncle tom was frightened of son re:bulling etc...
    I would not mind if son was genuine but i know all he is concerened about his his inheritance...
    Uncle tom does not have any money but he has his home which...i stupidly thought would be sold to pay for his care with no complications..
    Son obviously has other ideas
    He had to be physically stopped from taking uncle tom from the ward tonight... (says he will be back in morning to take his dad)
    He tried to take him in the lift saying that he wanted to go home... back to an empty house - no care plan etc.... :confused:
    The impact on uncle tom was not good...he was so agressive he even tried to hit a nurse who was trying to stop son taking him...
    I had to leave ward...I could not bear to see uncle tom like this he looked terrible.
    Since had phone call asking me to go to ward in morning with p/o/a etc...
    i said i would but really felt like telling them to .....Jump.
    Feel like throwing the towel in but know i cant as there will be no one there to fight uncle toms corner.
    I have not dared tell my dad what has happened as he would go mad and he really does not need the hassle at present.
    I dont know what to do as uncle tom is so vunrable at present he would willing walk out of the ward / prision with mickey mouse....
    The staff are ****...They have no clue what so ever.
    There must be something i can do to protect him ...?
    The p/o/a i have is a enduring one...it states that im to act as attorney (general)
    for all his property and affairs
    then it states that he wishes me to continue even when he is not of sound mind ? I belive i have to register with the court of protection.... and inform all relitives im doing so.... If son objects...(deffo) the only person to suffer will be uncle tom.
    PLEASE HELP / ADVICE as i really have had enough now and need to see some light at the end of the tunnel for uncle tom
    Danni x
     
  2. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    12,413
    near London
    Hello Danni

    This is more than a bit of a pickle, isn't it?

    First thing I suggest is that you call the Alzheimer's Society Help Line to ask their advice.

    There are too many things involved here for a simple reply, and I'm not qualified anyhow.

    But I'll pose some questions, anyway!

    Firstly, unless Uncle Tom had declared it to be so, neither you, nor Mum and Dad are next of kin. I reckon the son is, for good or bad. So it is worth checking that out. In that case, he has rights, whether they are for your uncle's good or bad.

    Secondly, you are correct that to register an EPA, you have to send notification that you intend to do so - in advance - to [from memory] the three closest relatives [please correct me, someone]. The son CAN contest the EPA.

    Thirdly, the hospital may well have had the son registered as next of kin, and under those circumstances they probably had no option but to tell him that the move was imminent. He would have found out about the EPA when you registered it.

    Next, I suggest you do not hand over the EPA to anyone other than the Court of Protection, or whatever name they may go by these days. It is the only record of his wishes when he was able to make them. They may carry some weight in the days to come.

    You may have to accept the fact that Uncle Tom may be taken from your care, and if he tells people [even in his current state of mind] that he wants to be with his son, you will have a hard time proving otherwise. Sad though it is, you may have to let things take their course, no matter what the son's intentions.

    Call the Help Line as soon as you can!
     
  3. Sandy

    Sandy Registered User

    Mar 23, 2005
    6,847
    Hi Danni,

    I'm so sorry that things have taken this turn. It must be incredibly frustrating after all you have done for Uncle Tom to have his son parachute in at the last minute and accuse you of underhanded schemeing.

    What Bruce says about registering EPA checks out against the info on the Public Guardianship Web Site . Three nearest relatives must be notified and according to the web site they are:

    9. What is the order of priority for notifying relatives?
    The donor's spouse,
    The donor's children (including adopted children, but not step-children),
    The donor's parents,
    The donor's brothers and sisters (including half- brothers and sisters),
    The widow or widower of a child of a donor,
    The donor's grandchildren,
    The children of the donor's brothers and sisters (i.e. nephews and nieces of whole blood),
    The children of the donor's brothers and sisters (i.e. nephews and nieces of the half blood),
    The donor's aunts and uncles (but not if they are only related by marriage),
    The children of the donor's aunts and uncles (i.e. first cousins).
    If there is more than one person in a particular class of relatives entitled to receive notice, all relatives in that class must be given notice.


    As Bruce says, call the Alzheimer's Society helpline as soon as possible.

    I think it would also be worth contacting your uncle's social worker as soon as possible. Their job (theoretically) is to look after the best interests of Uncle Tom. If family tensions make it difficult for you to keep tabs on things (worst case - if your cousin takes Uncle Tom home and prevents you having access), the social worker will still be able to follow developments (a weak safety net I know).

    The scenes at the hospital sound awful and hurful things were said. It may just be possible, with time and good will on both sides, that bridges can be built for Uncle Tom's sake. Whatever their relationship has been in the past, maybe Uncle Tom and his son can re-establish some kind of bond before time removes that possibility.

    Take care,

    Sandy
     
  4. danielle

    danielle Registered User

    Apr 9, 2005
    26
    danielle

    Thanks will follow advice and contact helpline a.s.a.p
    Just been to visit and things have turned again..
    Uncle tom was calm and pretty rational.. thought last night was a nightmare he could only remember little bits but thought it was not real.
    I explained as best i could what had gone on but now tom is worried that he was prepared to go with son last night
    He asked me to contact a solicitor as he needs something binding to keep him away...
    He said that he just wanted to get out of the hospital and would have gone with anyone who was prepared to take him
    aaggh!!!!!!! frustration is not the word for how im feeling..
    The staff have told me that uncle tom told them this morning that they should never have let him in as he told them he doesnt want to see son and is worried in case he comes back. So now...
    They are contacting site manager, hospital solicitor and indepentent person to speak to uncle tom.
    Best thing all round ....i think or is it ???
    when tom is rational its fine but could be of no use what so ever if Tom is having an "off" day will just have to wait and see
    Will explain situation when i phone the helpline.
    Thanks once again
    Danni x
     
  5. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Dear Danille. just wanted to give you some support. I had problems last year when Lionels son blocked my P.O.A. Considering he had not seen his Dad for 4 years, you can imagine my dismay. Cutting a long, and tedious story short, sorted things out with the court. Allow Lionels daughter access, it seems only fair, although she has never bothered with her dad, but these days I do what is best for my Lionel.

    If this means I have to tell (what I call Little white lies) him what he needs to hear and then move on, so be it.

    Be strong, love Connie
     
  6. Sheila

    Sheila Registered User

    Oct 23, 2003
    2,259
    West Sussex
    Dear Danni, I agree with the advice given, on no account hand over your original POA, get some copies done if they want them but dont let the original out of your sight. Thinking of you, love She. XX
     

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