1. Bikingbint

    Bikingbint Registered User

    Jan 18, 2015
    18
    Hi

    My mother has lived in my house for nearly 24 years, she will be 89 in a couple of weeks, she is easily confused and has many symptoms of dementia. She struggles with the stairs and I now have to decide what to do next. A stair lift cannot be fitted in my house.

    I have a doctors appointment in the next few days as my own health is beginning to suffer as is my relationship with my husband.

    I am just rather concerned about it all at the moment and wondered if anyone had any idea what will happen next.
     
  2. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,531
    Female
    South coast
    Hi bikingbint. The beginning of dementia can be a steep learning curve.
    Has your mum been to see her GP about her problems so that any dementia is properly diagnosed? Once a diagnosis of dementia has been made this can open the doorway to other things. Your mum needs to be referred to social services for a needs assessmant and OT input may be helpful.
     
  3. cragmaid

    cragmaid Registered User

    Oct 18, 2010
    7,963
    North East England
    Hello, ring your local Social Services (Adult Social Care) tomorrow morning and ask them for a needs assessment for Mum and a Caarer's assessment for yourself.
    You might have to nag them a few times but it's your entitlement!!
    Good Luck, keep posting.x.
     
  4. ASH74

    ASH74 Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    295
    First step is the hardest.......Do you share a GP? And is it a good GP?

    I had to fight my FIL's GP all the way. Once we got to the memory clinic (and asked why we waited so long?!?) It opened all sorts of doors for us.

    Do you have an idea of what you would like to happen?




    Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
     
  5. Lancashirelady

    Lancashirelady Registered User

    Oct 7, 2014
    110
    I'm not sure that a diagnosis will make any improvements. My dad (85) had to wait months for an appointment at the memory clinic, was referred for a CT scan with a further appointment in 4 months time and by the time it came round he had died. I haven't bothered to take Mum down that route. She reckons she hasn't got dementia so why should I upset her with pointless interventions? I do think an urgent assesement from SS is needed to open the door to support. You might need to lay it on with a trowel when you speak to them but I found them very helpful - though that might have more to do with the fact that Mum is self financing!
     
  6. Bikingbint

    Bikingbint Registered User

    Jan 18, 2015
    18
    still uncertainty

    Hello

    thank you all for your kind and useful comments regarding my situation with my mother

    I have spoken to my GP and she said that the situation was unsustainable, I have phoned social services and am awaiting an assessment appointment for mother, I was asked if help in the home would make a difference I said no it wouldn't.

    I realise that this will take some time, but I still feel as guilty as hell.

    I have to get her to her GP so an assessment of her Alzheimer's/dementia can be made.

    Bikingbint
     
  7. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,531
    Female
    South coast
    I take it from your last post that you are thinking about a care home. I had to go along that route too as mum couldnt live with me (I already care for my husband who is disabled) and it is upsetting to have to do it.
    Will she be self-funding?

    Your GP will refer her the memory clinic and she will also need a scan before dementia can be formally diagnosed.
     
  8. irishmanc

    irishmanc Registered User

    Jan 14, 2015
    64
    Manchester
    Good luck with your situation. It's a hard road that we're all on and we all find our own ways of coping with it.
     
  9. Bikingbint

    Bikingbint Registered User

    Jan 18, 2015
    18
    No she will not be self funding, she has no assets
     
  10. Owly

    Owly Registered User

    Jun 6, 2011
    538
    Social Services will present you with a financial assessment form to fill out. If your Mum has no assets (savings or a house), she will nevertheless have a pension. If she goes into a care home, and this sounds the only logical next step, Social Services will not pay for all of it. They will take Mum's pension and attendance allowance (which she should be getting, by the sound of it) to the extent that she is left with about £25 a week to cover sundries like toiletries and clothes. After that, Social Services will pay for the remainder which will be several hundred pounds a week.

    Don't feel guilty, because you are trying to do what is best for your Mum, and find a place where she will be safe from falling, and you can still visit and help with her care.
     
  11. Earthangel

    Earthangel Registered User

    Feb 8, 2014
    14
    South Yorkshire
    :confused:Hi, Unfortunately, I am in the same situation. My mother and father was married for 57 years and dad died of Bone Cancer from Prostrate Cancer last June, aged 87. Mum and I cared for him for the 6 months he was ill and it was during this time we noticed mum's behaviour was strange. She couldn't understand I was married and needed to go home at times, I cared for Dad for 90 hours a week sometimes, and it was a great strain on my marriage, but I am an only child and my parents have done everything for me, and I am and were determined to have no guilt when they both die. When dad and I compared notes, it appears mum may have had Dementia for the last 2 years and since Dad has died, my life has got worse. I spend 40 hours a week with mum, but I insist on having weekends with my husband. He is unemployed so he moans that he is lonely, which is mums usually moan. I never know whether her being upset is related to her losing dad or the Dementia. She spends weekends with her sister who is 84, apart from that, we hardly have any family. I worry what is going to happen in the future, I feel stressed, have guilt for mum and my husband and I just can't see how I am going to manage mum on my own. We sometimes have her at home, but she feels my husband doesn't want her there, which is partly true, they have always been jealous of each other. When I got divorced in 2000 mum thought she had got her little girl back home and then I met Andy, so she has never been happy. My cousin says I should put my husband first, because I will need him when my mum goes, but I can't help feeling I should do everything for mum, but to what risk to my health, I am the backbone of our family, if I breakdown, I suppose there will be other options. It is so hard, any advice would be appreciated.
     
  12. Bikingbint

    Bikingbint Registered User

    Jan 18, 2015
    18
    Hello all,

    Just had a very interesting meeting with mums GP, I had taken mum in so that they could start the dementia diagnosis tests, but was advised that she already had a diagnosis for dementia since 2007. I did not know this and my mums GP has also written to Social Services confirming this.

    I have contacted Social Services by phone, explaining that she now has a confirmed diagnosis and that she is a vulnerable adult who climbs the stairs on all fours and that something needs to be done as she will get stuck either at the top or bottom of the stairs.

    Bikingbint
     

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