1. eddiesgirl

    eddiesgirl Registered User

    Oct 22, 2012
    Little Mum's been gone just over two years, and although I did my mourning long before her death, every now and again I have a spasm of missing her that surprises with its intensity. It's not unpleasant, just a brief longing and sadness that I'll never be able to hold her hand or hear her voice again - I'm sure you know how it is, and how I have my memories of the person she was and never ceased to be to the end of her long life, and they are a comfort.

    She had an innate goodness, an extraordinary quality a religious person might call a real purity of heart. Everyone felt it who came into contact with her for any length of time or with any frequency. There was nothing soft, or sentimental, or showy about it, and one thing she wasn't was a saint. She had the family temper - bro and I have both got it. It took a lot to make her lose it but when I was the adolescent from hell I definitely had the knack. Once when I'd goaded her beyond endurance she bent a baking-tray over my head - I don't know who was more surprised, her or me.

    But the point is this. Her love was unshakeable. And we could not have had a better example of a life well and modestly lived. It was a lifelong privilege to have known her, and it was also a privilege - perhaps a greater one - to have been able to support her as she grew old. She looked out for us when we couldn't look out for ourselves, and I'm so very glad I could do the same for her when she needed it.

    Mercifully she was spared the end stages of Alzheimer's, but with everything it took from her she never forgot two things: she never forgot who I was and she never forgot how much she loved me.

    You're safe home now Mum, reunited with Dad, your Ed, and every day I'm grateful for the blessing of your love.

    Your Ruthie X
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    This jumped out of your post for me Ruthie @eddiesgirl There will be many of us here who know just what you mean.
  3. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
  4. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    East Midlands
    It’s very fresh for me but I know what you mean. I’ve been ok ish. I think the anticipatory grief I felt previously with my mum was immense but then you lose the person to dementia & then you properly lose them.
    I get the little moments of sadness. I had a moment when an Elvis song came on in a restaurant the other week from nowhere & my mum wasn’t a massive fan but it just got to me.
  5. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    Oh those little moments @eddiesgirl

    I had one yesterday when I pulled into a parking space at ALDI. It suddenly hit me very intensely that my mum and dad and aunt would never come for Easter dinner again :(

    Dad died recently but my mum and aunt have been gone for years. Like you I mourned during their fading into dementia. I still miss them..
  6. Lancashirelady

    Lancashirelady Registered User

    Oct 7, 2014
    It’s coming up to a year since my Mum passed and I still feel angry about how she was treated in hospital. She broke her hip and although the op was a success she wouldn’t cooperate with the physios. Result - she was not encouraged to get out of bed, in fact treated as a pariah, and went quickly downhill from someone you could have a conversation with to a virtual cabbage. Her transfer back to the care home, where she would have had some encouragement to get moving, was delayed by two weeks due to the hospital’s incompetence, by which time she had given up and her last few weeks were hell for everyone, 8ncluding Mum
  7. Scouts girl

    Scouts girl Registered User

    Jan 18, 2017
    It has been nearly two years since I lost my lovely mum to dementia and I miss her greatly everyday. Some days are better than others but some days this feeling of loss just hits me out of the blue. I still feel the immense guilt I have when I had to move her into a care home as I was reaching Carers breakdown and couldn’t give her the specialist care she needed following her diagnosis. She was well looked after during the year she was in the care home but never forgave me for moving her there and I think that is the reason I feel this overwhelming guilt. I wish I could have looked after her myself until the end of her life, but I was solely caring for her and knew on the doctors advice that she needed more care than I could give her. Hopefully, one day I will be able to overcome these feelings I have. She was a wonderful mum to me, and I wish I could have done more for her.

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