Dad is two weeks in his care home now. I dont know whether I can leave him there as he was distressed and very low this morning again. I will enquire about a home care package as it breaks my heart to see him so low and so much wanting to go home. He does join in some /many of the activities when they are on. But he is unsettled much of the time and continually walks up and down the corridor when there are no activities, wanting to go home (He walked a lot at home too, wanting to go home). He is exhausted with walking but wont sit down. The day room is too loud and busy for him and he mostly passes it by but he will let himself be led in by the care staff from time to time (the care staff are very gentle and kind). There are no chairs in the corridors and he wont go into his own room, but will go into other residents rooms and sometimes sit down there. He can be talking to himself, which he never did before. His glasses, belt, cap, walking stick, etc. are regularly "missing" -taken off and left down in some other room. The home has a large garden downstairs but he is on the first floor. When I am with him all he does is walk up and down the corridors and he wont go downstairs with me. The care staff bring him out sometimes. At home we walked outside.
Although the home seemed good initially I find it not so suitable now. there is no quiet place to sit on his floor, he can't access the garden on his own, there have been many different care staff doing his morning routine, which is his trickyest and I think that that, (and his aversion to washing!) contributes to him being so upset. he wont use the bathroom in his room. His condition to me seems to have deteriorated markedly. He does not hold eye contact much at all anymore, keeping into his own inner turmoil, His language communication is almost gone and it is extremely difficult to undertstand what he is saying as the words make no sense. I know all this behaviour happened at home too but there were good bits there too. I don't see too many good bits here yet and that upsets me.
I am looking at other homes now, to see if there are any that are more homely, less noisy, more open access to gardens. But should I change him so soon? Should I bring him home first for "respite " (how ironic). I know caring for him at home (in a ground floor appartment next to my sisters house) is increasingly demanding and hard on everyone, but I think if I get in more specialised people and some extra help he may be better at home.
Sorry for going on for so long but my siblings are saying leave him to settle whereas me and my sister, who have cared for him at home, see how broken he is now and it is very hard to leave him there. My sister is on holidays so this stay in the home was decided as "respite" but with a view to him staying there long term. It has been good not having full responsibility for him this past 2 weeks but on another level I have been so sad and upset.
Has anyone else tried care homes for their loved one then changed their mind?
Helen
Although the home seemed good initially I find it not so suitable now. there is no quiet place to sit on his floor, he can't access the garden on his own, there have been many different care staff doing his morning routine, which is his trickyest and I think that that, (and his aversion to washing!) contributes to him being so upset. he wont use the bathroom in his room. His condition to me seems to have deteriorated markedly. He does not hold eye contact much at all anymore, keeping into his own inner turmoil, His language communication is almost gone and it is extremely difficult to undertstand what he is saying as the words make no sense. I know all this behaviour happened at home too but there were good bits there too. I don't see too many good bits here yet and that upsets me.
I am looking at other homes now, to see if there are any that are more homely, less noisy, more open access to gardens. But should I change him so soon? Should I bring him home first for "respite " (how ironic). I know caring for him at home (in a ground floor appartment next to my sisters house) is increasingly demanding and hard on everyone, but I think if I get in more specialised people and some extra help he may be better at home.
Sorry for going on for so long but my siblings are saying leave him to settle whereas me and my sister, who have cared for him at home, see how broken he is now and it is very hard to leave him there. My sister is on holidays so this stay in the home was decided as "respite" but with a view to him staying there long term. It has been good not having full responsibility for him this past 2 weeks but on another level I have been so sad and upset.
Has anyone else tried care homes for their loved one then changed their mind?
Helen