Trying to reason...

[LouBear]

Hi everyone. Although registered with Talking Point just after my granddads diagnosis of vascular dementia almost 2 years ago, today is the first time I've actually posted on the forum.

I've lived with my granddad for about 6 months now ever since he came out of hospital, and more recently, he seems to be becoming increasingly unable to recognise the reason for doing things. Recognising the benefit of doing things is even more of a challenge.

The most recent example of this was yesterday when I was trying to speak to my granddad about his night time medication. I say 'trying' as my granddad is very hard of hearing and so it has been a challenge to communicate easily even before his diagnosis! I had asked granddad to wear his hearing aids to try to make it a little bit easier but as he finds them uncomfortable, he refused and went on to reference my request as something that would satisfy me rather than being for him. Despite trying to explain that it would hopefully help us have a conversation, granddad would not accept it.

Other regular example is trying to reason with granddad about going to bed (granddad seems determined to stay up no matter how tired he is or how much of the evening he has been spent asleep in the chair).

I'd be really interested in hearing about people's experience to trying to reason with someone with dementia...and any tips you might have!

 

[father ted]

Welcome Loubear,

In my experience there is absolutely no point in trying to reason with a PWD. If your judgement and reasoning power starts to decline or you see things a certain way no amount of reasoning from another party is going to make you see it.
My Mum lived with me for 8 years and in that time her short term memory and cognition went almost totally. My attempts to explain something to her even when it was for her benefit resulted in my voice going up an octave and my Mum becoming more intransigent, agitated and frustrated. I also had the issue of her being issued with hearing aids but refused to wear because ' I hear perfectly well'.
For both of our sakes and sanities I tried not to challenge her even when her reasoning was non sensical.
Unfortunately no amount of correction will alter the diagnosis or change the situation so just let it go.

 

[love.dad.but..]

My experience with my dad was similar to Father Ted and many others on TP and reasoning and logic disappeared from my dad's ability early on. So I found it best to join his world...not to confront..disagree..or argue. Distraction or taking myself out of his space for a few minutes or longer calmed situations.

 

[Duggies-girl]

Hi everyone. Although registered with Talking Point just after my granddads diagnosis of vascular dementia almost 2 years ago, today is the first time I've actually posted on the forum.

I've lived with my granddad for about 6 months now ever since he came out of hospital, and more recently, he seems to be becoming increasingly unable to recognise the reason for doing things. Recognising the benefit of doing things is even more of a challenge.

The most recent example of this was yesterday when I was trying to speak to my granddad about his night time medication. I say 'trying' as my granddad is very hard of hearing and so it has been a challenge to communicate easily even before his diagnosis! I had asked granddad to wear his hearing aids to try to make it a little bit easier but as he finds them uncomfortable, he refused and went on to reference my request as something that would satisfy me rather than being for him. Despite trying to explain that it would hopefully help us have a conversation, granddad would not accept it.

Other regular example is trying to reason with granddad about going to bed (granddad seems determined to stay up no matter how tired he is or how much of the evening he has been spent asleep in the chair).

I'd be really interested in hearing about people's experience to trying to reason with someone with dementia...and any tips you might have!

Reason flies out the window when dementia arrives. Honestly I would forget about reasoning as it just causes arguments. The way I cope with dad is to agree that everything he says is true (even though it may be absolutely absurd) It just makes life easier.

There are ways of getting round things sometimes. I have resorted to downright fibs on occasions and I don't feel guilty about it if it works.

Dad thinks his cooker is broken but that is because he does not know where it is plugged in. It's at the back of a cupboard.

 

[nae sporran]

Sorry you are having such a stressful time of it LouBear. There is a rough guide to all the tips and tricks everyone else has suggested at https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/threads/compassionate-communication-with-the-memory-impaired.30801/. Of course, when you are tired it is often easier said than done, but it should hopefully give you a few more pointers.
If all else fails go to your room and punch a pillow until you are ready to go back, that usually helps too.