Trouble processing..and thats me

[AutumnRigby]

Hi all
Mum ,76 with Alzheimer's does very.little sits around at home(my.house) for the majority.of.the day, just staring, yawning, making conversation with the.dog and sitting.
Yesterday she had a meeting at.our local.support hub to attempt her to get out and try new things in a safe and caring setting.
Mum told the lady that she is very busy and takes her self on the bus to the seaside for a lovely walk then gets the bus back.
Also that she cooks all the time and has a very busy social life.
In the evening I asked about some of the activities offered,
Knit and natter- no I've done that before.
Chairobics- I remember doing that with the lady over the road, and the man said if it gets to hard then you can sit down, that does nothing for me.
I tried to suggest that this is a different environment and so may be much more fun.

Anyway I waffle on. My issue is everything she said is a blatant lie, she has never lied to this extent straight to my face before.

I understand why she is doing it my problem is that I can't process the fact that she lies and won't accept anything new.

I don't know if I am right but I have decided not to help out at all from now on. If she's so capable.of cooking proper food every night and organising her own shopping etc then she bloody well can and I'll.stop.spending the majority of my free time cooking, clearing, cleaning and being her social life.

I'm so fed up I'm sitting here really trying not.to cry but maybe I should and get it out of my system.

😒😒😒

 

[tonebear]

Hi all
Mum ,76 with Alzheimer's does very.little sits around at home(my.house) for the majority.of.the day, just staring, yawning, making conversation with the.dog and sitting.
Yesterday she had a meeting at.our local.support hub to attempt her to get out and try new things in a safe and caring setting.
Mum told the lady that she is very busy and takes her self on the bus to the seaside for a lovely walk then gets the bus back.
Also that she cooks all the time and has a very busy social life.
In the evening I asked about some of the activities offered,
Knit and natter- no I've done that before.
Chairobics- I remember doing that with the lady over the road, and the man said if it gets to hard then you can sit down, that does nothing for me.
I tried to suggest that this is a different environment and so may be much more fun.

Anyway I waffle on. My issue is everything she said is a blatant lie, she has never lied to this extent straight to my face before.

I understand why she is doing it my problem is that I can't process the fact that she lies and won't accept anything new.

I don't know if I am right but I have decided not to help out at all from now on. If she's so capable.of cooking proper food every night and organising her own shopping etc then she bloody well can and I'll.stop.spending the majority of my free time cooking, clearing, cleaning and being her social life.

I'm so fed up I'm sitting here really trying not.to cry but maybe I should and get it out of my system.

😒😒😒

Very very hard but try not to let it get to you. It's not your mum it's this bloody disease. My wife will tell anybody who asks that she does the washing and the cleaning, well in her mind i suppose she does but it's a blatant lie I do it all. So I just smile and get on with it. So i'm never going to get a medal, I was in the armed forces i'm used to that.

 

[Lawson58]

Hi all
Mum ,76 with Alzheimer's does very.little sits around at home(my.house) for the majority.of.the day, just staring, yawning, making conversation with the.dog and sitting.
Yesterday she had a meeting at.our local.support hub to attempt her to get out and try new things in a safe and caring setting.
Mum told the lady that she is very busy and takes her self on the bus to the seaside for a lovely walk then gets the bus back.
Also that she cooks all the time and has a very busy social life.
In the evening I asked about some of the activities offered,
Knit and natter- no I've done that before.
Chairobics- I remember doing that with the lady over the road, and the man said if it gets to hard then you can sit down, that does nothing for me.
I tried to suggest that this is a different environment and so may be much more fun.

Anyway I waffle on. My issue is everything she said is a blatant lie, she has never lied to this extent straight to my face before.

I understand why she is doing it my problem is that I can't process the fact that she lies and won't accept anything new.

I don't know if I am right but I have decided not to help out at all from now on. If she's so capable.of cooking proper food every night and organising her own shopping etc then she bloody well can and I'll.stop.spending the majority of my free time cooking, clearing, cleaning and being her social life.

I'm so fed up I'm sitting here really trying not.to cry but maybe I should and get it out of my system.

😒😒😒

You have my sympathy and I understand where you are at right now.

I discovered the hard way that if I went out and left my husband to get on with it, he could and did.
It would be a good idea to try it out and monitor what happens, but why not tell your mum that you are going out for a coffee with friends and there’s a sandwich in the fridge for her.

The best advice I can give you is to not tell her when you are going to be home. If you say you will be home at three and are five minutes late, she will start to call you. Where are you? Just say something like that you are not sure when you’ll be back but probably before dinner or something equally vague.

Start now and not when it’s going to get harder.

 

[Kevinl]

My wife got very clingy, I wasn't allowed out of her sight for one minute, up side was if went for a shower she would want on too, so we showered together, same thing if I need the toilet she did too, helped avoid some...accidents shall we say.
Could it be he feels insecure or lonely when you're not there, just a thought. K

 

[canary]

Mum told the lady that she is very busy and takes her self on the bus to the seaside for a lovely walk then gets the bus back.
Also that she cooks all the time and has a very busy social life.
In the evening I asked about some of the activities offered,
Knit and natter- no I've done that before.
Chairobics- I remember doing that with the lady over the road, and the man said if it gets to hard then you can sit down, that does nothing for me.
I tried to suggest that this is a different environment and so may be much more fun.

Anyway I waffle on. My issue is everything she said is a blatant lie, she has never lied to this extent straight to my face before.

Its not lying, its confabulation - which is a symptom of dementia
What is happening is that the subconscious brain is filling in the gaps in her memory with false memories and old memories which to her seem like real, recent memories. She is convinced that it is true, because she remembers it.....

You could try not doing things and maybe she is capable of doing them. Wonderful if she is, but if I didnt do things for OH he would either get into a muddle or it simply wouldnt get done. I know this because I dont do things for him until he just cant do it himself and I have watched with sadness the way his life skills have bit by bit disappeared. To begin with I used to get very annoyed and say in exasperation "if I dont do things around here, nothing would get done." I now know that its the absolute truth. With my mum, she would insist that she went shopping and cooked all her own meals every day even when there was clear evidence that she hadnt been shopping and she hadnt eaten anything