Traveling with husband

[dsagarnaga]

My husband I think has onset of dementia, his uncles had it, it does run in his family....His memory and ability to do things has went down. He forgets how to fix things...he struggles with life sometimes....makes me so sad......I planned a 10 day trip to babysit grand kids, I thought he would enjoy getting away, spending time with the kids, I involved him in the planning of this trip, airline tickets, etc, NOW he says 10 days is too long....he does not want to be a way from the house that long but we are already committed for this trip to babysit....I changed his ticket to only stay 5 days then a few days later he changed his mind and he wants to stay with me the whole 10 days....but he keeps complaining about it!! He does not want to be home alone, so he is stuck staying with me the whole time.....I am SO tired of justifying the 10 days to him....EVERYDAY i have this SAME conversation with him......How do I better prepare him for this??

 

[Kevinl]

Hello, welcome and don't. Just my advise. Sorry to sound so negative but it's a no from me. K

 

[sapphire turner]

My first trip abroad after my husband’s dementia diagnosis was a steep learning curve for me. He was unpredictable and unsettled, and it was absolutely exhausting for me to be in charge of everything and to keep him steady. This year we are going away for a shorter simpler holiday- he insisted on a holiday, I am still wary. We live and learn eh!

 

[dsagarnaga]

I can't change the plan...it's set...so how do I get him thru this?? I want to enjoy myself being with my grand babies....I don't want him to be miserable or make all of us feel miserable.... He won't stay home....he insists on being with me

 

[dsagarnaga]

I want to enjoy this time away and with my grand kids.....I NEED this time....he insists on being with me, I would rather he stay home but he does not want to.....he is very undecided...wants to stay home...then wants to go to see the grand kids.....he is giving me whiplash and I simply am at a loss here.....

 

[Kevinl]

Just do it and enjoy , you deserve it. K

 

[Collywobbles]

You clearly need to go on this trip for your own wellbeing. My suggestion would be to stop talking about it and take his flip-flopping decisions with a pinch of salt if he carries on. Just pack on the day and go.

 

[Chelseajude]

I want to enjoy this time away and with my grand kids.....I NEED this time....he insists on being with me, I would rather he stay home but he does not want to.....he is very undecided...wants to stay home...then wants to go to see the grand kids.....he is giving me whiplash and I simply am at a loss here.....

I still take holidays with my OH who has Alzheimer’s. it is hard work as I have to do all the thinking, preparing and keeping us both safe. Plus managing his incontinence, which is the hardest thing of all. I made my mind up to think of it more as me facilitating a holiday for him. That way I am not expecting to do anything specific, rather I just go with the flow of how each day is. Then I take advantage of a very kind family member coming to look after hubby at home, while I go off and get a few days away & some much needed sleep. my Oh would rather come with me & gets confused when I’m away but I really benefit from time to relax. So I would say if you prefer to go on your own, & he will be safe at home, then to do it. Good luck,!

 

[John Mcfarlan]

Hi
My wife isn't incontinent yet but needs help with dressing washing etc. she can't really do anything without me. She is happiest in the sun so we are spending as much time here in Canary Islands as recit allows.before incontinence sets on as I think Is struggle in other people's apartments.

If anyone has any travel tips let's share them.

My tips for travel are:
Make a list of essentials and if they insist on packing themselves, ensure underwear meds, basic clothess are in your bag as my wife packs old stuff.

Learn the local language for... my wife/husband has de mentia. Can you help

Go through these awful passport gates first as the border guard is on the other side and is usually trained to help.

At night, leave the toilet light on. Saves your OH trying to find the toilet via balcony windows or the front door etc. lock these and take the keys out to avoid mid night walkabouts. In hotels I put a chair in front of the door.

Find a pub, restaurant, beach walk etc they like and revisit. If chatting to other people, try to tell them your OH has this dementia. People are usually kind. It stops them being taken aback if your OH hugs them after 20 mins or wants to go home with them.

.keep money and passport etc separate from everything and in your possession. My wife constantly goes through our day bag and takes everything out even when we are walking to check she has her comb etc. Unfortunately she doesn't always put everything back.

Any other tips?

 

[Chelseajude]

Hi
My wife isn't incontinent yet but needs help with dressing washing etc. she can't really do anything without me. She is happiest in the sun so we are spending as much time here in Canary Islands as recit allows.before incontinence sets on as I think Is struggle in other people's apartments.

If anyone has any travel tips let's share them.

My tips for travel are:
Make a list of essentials and if they insist on packing themselves, ensure underwear meds, basic clothess are in your bag as my wife packs old stuff.

Learn the local language for... my wife/husband has de mentia. Can you help

Go through these awful passport gates first as the border guard is on the other side and is usually trained to help.

At night, leave the toilet light on. Saves your OH trying to find the toilet via balcony windows or the front door etc. lock these and take the keys out to avoid mid night walkabouts. In hotels I put a chair in front of the door.

Find a pub, restaurant, beach walk etc they like and revisit. If chatting to other people, try to tell them your OH has this dementia. People are usually kind. It stops them being taken aback if your OH hugs them after 20 mins or wants to go home with them.

.keep money and passport etc separate from everything and in your possession. My wife constantly goes through our day bag and takes everything out even when we are walking to check she has her comb etc. Unfortunately she doesn't always put everything back.

Any other tips?

Useful tips thank you. Re airports- we find the sunflower lanyard really helpful. Some airports have separate lanes but all we have visited help us through security. I make sure I have everything that needs to go through separately & help OH with belt & removing coins etc. We love to travel though incontinence is forcing us to rethink. I found a portable sensor light (not expensive) which we put close to/in the bathroom at nights so that the way is lit. We put a Kylie or similar under the sheet & another over the sheet as well as OH wearing thick protection.
Looking forward to seeing others tips.

 

[2ndAlto]

I cut a piece - about a foot long - off a pool noodle (not sure how easily they are found in the UK, here they are in every other shop and very cheap) - anyway - I wedge that under the external door handle so OH can't easily go out of the wrong door at night when looking for the loo.

 

[sapphire turner]

I would recommend not being too ambitious in terms of travelling around, my husband became very confused by the time we had stayed in 4 places on our US trip. The travelling was gruelling like dragging round a 3 year old. Also big mistake was not getting a phone SIM that worked in US, I thought we would manage with WiFi but getting a taxi was not possible without a working phone. Uber rules over there!
I had to leave signs on the doors in the Airbnb we stayed at to make sure he got as far as the bathroom at night and didn’t wee in the second bedroom 🙈and as others have said make sure the lighting is helpful.
I was so stressed by the time we got home I swore we would never go away again, but he has worn me down - we are going on a week’s boat trip on the coast in Croatia in May. Wish me luck!

 

[Chelseajude]

I would recommend not being too ambitious in terms of travelling around, my husband became very confused by the time we had stayed in 4 places on our US trip. The travelling was gruelling like dragging round a 3 year old. Also big mistake was not getting a phone SIM that worked in US, I thought we would manage with WiFi but getting a taxi was not possible without a working phone. Uber rules over there!
I had to leave signs on the doors in the Airbnb we stayed at to make sure he got as far as the bathroom at night and didn’t wee in the second bedroom 🙈and as others have said make sure the lighting is helpful.
I was so stressed by the time we got home I swore we would never go away again, but he has worn me down - we are going on a week’s boat trip on the coast in Croatia in May. Wish me luck!

Good luck, I hope it goes smoothly

 

[sapphire turner]

Haha me too! Travelling with hope rather than expectation 😹😹😹

 

[Cerisy]

Ha, my thoughts exactly ”Auntie” Sapphire! I’m being pressured into a break the the South West (given up completely on planes and airports), but at least we can used our familiar Premier Inns. Jo knows where the bathroom is and I’ll take some of our small sensor lights to help light the way for her. Hopefully she’ll last a week, but I won’t be surprised if she wants to come home early!! At least it keeps her off her usual I want to drive obsession! 😊

 

[SherwoodSue]

I have had to learn a new trick with mum. Say nothing. Turn up. Hey nice surprise we are having an outing !
Mum was always a super planner in her younger years.
Now. Won’t sleep well before or after , gets mithered about the whole thing.
So mum is not included in any forward planning.
Strange new world.

 

[ChaceSoto]

I understand how difficult this can be. It is important to support your husband and help him cope with these changes. It may be worth trying to talk to him in a calm environment, explain to him again why this holiday was planned, and emphasize the positive aspects of this time with the children.

 

[BeeBeeDee]

I am with Kevin on this one. Just do it, stop talking about it, avoid answering him if he asks. Chances are he will have forgotten anyway.
I have learnt now I dont tell my husband anything about what we are doing in advance. Obviously a holiday is slightly different as you are packing etc but just try least said soonest mended attitude.
We are not long back from 11 days in Tenerife - it had its trials and irrititations but then so does life at home. Regarding spending the time with grandchildren which I am sure you will love - he may or may not enjoy it - my husbsand is very difficult and doesnt cope well with the children but some people get alot out of being with little ones.