To visit or not to visit?

Buddha

Registered User
Feb 20, 2012
18
Wales
hello all!

Would hugely appreciate any thoughts on this.
Mum has been in a NH for about a month now. My visits have dwindled to once a week due to my own poor health of late. I've noticed her becoming less animated and connected to me each time I visit. Is my not visiting her detrimental to our connection? I am sure there is a broad range of potential responses to this, and each person with a diagnosis and their familes is different..but..I would really be grateful to hear from anyone who may have experienced similar feelings. I feel like the less I visit, the less connected to me she is. is this all in my head or is it a common experience and part of their journey in a NH?
Thanks all so much.
A frightened daughter. x
 

Beate

Registered User
May 21, 2014
11,833
London
It could just be the natural progression of the disease. Have you asked the staff how she behaves when you aren't around?
 

Delphie

Registered User
Dec 14, 2011
1,269
It's quite possible that she will 'reconnect' and 'disconnect' again as time goes on. My mum's been in care for years now and, the inevitable decline aside, definitely goes through phases. She went through a long phase of being completely non verbal, but is saying the odd word again now. She went through a period of time of not reacting to me at all, whatever I did, but I've had a few smiles out of her since then. So who knows what's next.

Ultimately, though, you need to look after your health. She's (hopefully) well looked after and there is only so much you can do now to improve her situation, so I'd say visit when you're up to it, keep an eye on her care, take her treats, but also get on with your own life. I'm sure your mum would want that for you.
 

Buddha

Registered User
Feb 20, 2012
18
Wales
It's quite possible that she will 'reconnect' and 'disconnect' again as time goes on. My mum's been in care for years now and, the inevitable decline aside, definitely goes through phases. She went through a long phase of being completely non verbal, but is saying the odd word again now. She went through a period of time of not reacting to me at all, whatever I did, but I've had a few smiles out of her since then. So who knows what's next.

Ultimately, though, you need to look after your health. She's (hopefully) well looked after and there is only so much you can do now to improve her situation, so I'd say visit when you're up to it, keep an eye on her care, take her treats, but also get on with your own life. I'm sure your mum would want that for you.
Thank you so much for your insight and thoughts on this.
Will do-and you're right-she would want me to get on with my life.
Thank you. Hugely appreciate it.