To visit or not to visit?

Discussion in 'End of life care' started by Buddha, Feb 12, 2019.

  1. Buddha

    Buddha Registered User

    Feb 20, 2012
    18
    Wales
    hello all!

    Would hugely appreciate any thoughts on this.
    Mum has been in a NH for about a month now. My visits have dwindled to once a week due to my own poor health of late. I've noticed her becoming less animated and connected to me each time I visit. Is my not visiting her detrimental to our connection? I am sure there is a broad range of potential responses to this, and each person with a diagnosis and their familes is different..but..I would really be grateful to hear from anyone who may have experienced similar feelings. I feel like the less I visit, the less connected to me she is. is this all in my head or is it a common experience and part of their journey in a NH?
    Thanks all so much.
    A frightened daughter. x
     
  2. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    11,711
    Female
    London
    It could just be the natural progression of the disease. Have you asked the staff how she behaves when you aren't around?
     
  3. Delphie

    Delphie Registered User

    Dec 14, 2011
    1,252
    It's quite possible that she will 'reconnect' and 'disconnect' again as time goes on. My mum's been in care for years now and, the inevitable decline aside, definitely goes through phases. She went through a long phase of being completely non verbal, but is saying the odd word again now. She went through a period of time of not reacting to me at all, whatever I did, but I've had a few smiles out of her since then. So who knows what's next.

    Ultimately, though, you need to look after your health. She's (hopefully) well looked after and there is only so much you can do now to improve her situation, so I'd say visit when you're up to it, keep an eye on her care, take her treats, but also get on with your own life. I'm sure your mum would want that for you.
     
  4. Buddha

    Buddha Registered User

    Feb 20, 2012
    18
    Wales
    Yes indeed it could be.
    That's a good idea-will ask the staff.
    And thank you.
     
  5. Buddha

    Buddha Registered User

    Feb 20, 2012
    18
    Wales
    Thank you so much for your insight and thoughts on this.
    Will do-and you're right-she would want me to get on with my life.
    Thank you. Hugely appreciate it.
     
  6. Delphie

    Delphie Registered User

    Dec 14, 2011
    1,252
    You're very welcome. xxx
     

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