1. imac.girll1

    imac.girll1 Registered User

    Feb 20, 2009
    Well I just don't know how you guys that work and care do it without losing the plot with the one you are caring for!

    I know i am not perfect but these last few days i just feel less and less like coping with mother. I actually had the thought the other day of just walking out and telling SS that i didn't live there anymore and they had to look after her, but of course I didn't:eek:

    I know we all go through tired stages and fed up stages and just complete anger stages as this disease takes the person bit by bit, but i do feel right now that i am not that good for mother. I get up every morning promising myself that i will not get stroppy or wound up with mother, but that lasts about 2 minutes after her good morning and the proverbial 20 questions act! I spend the rest of the day reminding myself that it is not her fault, and not to be angry or resentful but more and more i feel like that.:(

    Anyway, tomorrow and Thursday she has her Lunch Club, so a little respite, mind you only to find that our water is getting cut off tomorrow for the day - sigh :confused::rolleyes:

    Anyway moan and feel sorry for myself time over, off to fill pots and pans with water for emergency water and done 2 lots of washing and dishwasher done.

    Hugs and love

  2. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    Oh imac - it's not easy, is it? I doubt if there's a day goes by when I don't lose the plot with one or other of my two. It doesn't make me feel better and I can hear myself saying that it's the disease and I should chill out about it all. Easier said than done. Take care of yourself and I hope you all have fun on Sunday. You'll have to text me a 'team photie' from your wee iphone!!!! xx
  3. elaine n

    elaine n Registered User

    Jun 1, 2010
    west country uk
    Hi Imac
    If you couldn't moan to us you'd probably go mad! I know some nights I go to bed thinking I can hardly bear to wake up to this again tomorrow! If only we could all be perfect carers.....dream on! You do the best that you can and can't expect more of yourself. I don't work now, the added stress of working while caring must be enormous, don't be so hard on yourself, you're doing a great job juggling everything! xxxxxxxxxxxxelaine
  4. imac.girll1

    imac.girll1 Registered User

    Feb 20, 2009
    Awww bless you all xxxxxxxxxxxx
  5. Helen33

    Helen33 Registered User

    Jul 20, 2008
    Hi iMac,

    You do wonders for and with your mother as well as working yourself;)

    Hope you're feeling better than you were last week. Or was it the week before? I have lost track of time:eek:

  6. imac.girll1

    imac.girll1 Registered User

    Feb 20, 2009
    Me too! Still got rubbish cough on me - i don't smoke but i feel as if i am on 100 a day!:(

  7. sallyc

    sallyc Registered User

    Aug 20, 2008
    Hi imac. Please don't be so hard on yourself. You do brilliantly with your Mum. Everyone gets fed up and grumpy sometimes. You probably had times when you felt like this with your Mum , pre-dementia. It's human nature. It's so hard, isn't it? My Grandad's home today from his week's respite. Dad's spoken to him on the phone this evening and they've had a huge row, resulting in one of them slamming the phone down on the other! (don't know who it was, though). So, you see, it happens to us all.
  8. Bronwen

    Bronwen Registered User

    Jan 8, 2010
    Hi imac...please don't be hard on yourself..it isn't easy answering all the questions and being one step ahead..and how you do it and work as well heaven knows, I couldn't look after Trevor and work i know that so good on you.

    Not easy at all though is it?

    Bronwen x
  9. thatwoman

    thatwoman Registered User

    Mar 25, 2009
    Hi iMac,

    Sorry you're feeling down. Now, I'm sorry to sound like your Granny, but this cough, do you think that might be part of the problem? Cos if your mum had it, I bet you'd have been to the doctor's, AND you'd be making allowances for her feeling badtempered. Just a thought! You need to be kind to yourself with everything you're having to cope with. Not even you can be superwoman all the time!

    Hope you get your water fixed soon. Otherwise you'll just have to drink whisky! Take good care of yourself,

    Love Sue xxx
  10. larivy

    larivy Registered User

    Apr 19, 2009
    hi Imac there must be a big carers virus going round and we all seem to be catching it so pleased we all have each other on TP to fight it off hope tomorrows better love larivy
  11. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Hello imac

    It does sound as if your health is now being affected by the stress you are living with.
    Is there any chance of getting additional support?
    Does your mother just have her `lunch club `only twice weekly? Is there any chance of more days?
  12. seaurchin

    seaurchin Registered User

    Oct 24, 2009
    Hello Imac,

    You have my sympathy. It is so very hard working and keeping all the other balls up in the air when caring for someone with dementia. It is so easy to forget or ignore your own health and needs. Try to take good care of yourself too.

  13. imac.girll1

    imac.girll1 Registered User

    Feb 20, 2009

    They are closing down everything i sort of have to be grateful for any days anywhere!:confused:

  14. imac.girll1

    imac.girll1 Registered User

    Feb 20, 2009
    Thank you all, just had an off moment - like us all I will survive - in the words of Gloria Gaynor:p:D

  15. Nan2seven

    Nan2seven Registered User

    Apr 11, 2009
    Hi, imac,

    Glad to see you're feeling better this morning.
    Just popped in to send love.
    Keep an eye on that cough and don't just ignore it if it hangs around.

    Love, Nan XXX
  16. imac.girll1

    imac.girll1 Registered User

    Feb 20, 2009
    Thank you Nan - I will.

    Seems to kick off when i go from different room temps, cold to warm and vice versa!:rolleyes:

  17. piedwarbler

    piedwarbler Registered User

    Aug 3, 2010
    South Ribble
    imac, I don't know how you do it full time either!

    I find work a bit of a breathing space (when it's not too stressful!)

    I could not cope with Mum 24/7. I visited for two hours today and in theat time she: said yeeuurch over her lunch 18 times (then ate it all), said she was frightened 13 times, asked when the doctor was coming 5 times, and told me the same story about her mother in law saying something about my dad 5 times.

    Yes, I was keeping count. It makes me cope better! :eek:
  18. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    Toronto, Canada
    Hey, whatever helps you cope is A GOOD THING!
  19. BeverleyY

    BeverleyY Registered User

    Jan 29, 2008
    Ashford, Kent

    I haven't logged in here for weeks. My job is taking me all over the country at the moment and not a week seems to go by without I haven't stayed away one night. Not that I am complaining, because to be honest the peace and quiet does me good!

    Seems like you are struggling at the moment. I know just how you feel. Dad is getting harder and harder to communicate with. There simply is just no understanding or logic there and having a conversation is frustrating and more of an effort than the rewards most of the time.

    Sometimes I think, I can't keep doing this.... it's such a thankless task.

    Our current battle is the local florist closed down, so he now picks weeds every day and puts them on Mum's grave:eek: He picks the odd flower out of people's gardens too:rolleyes:

    When it is hot, he still goes out with his coat on... and showers seem to have dropped off his interest list.

    Every day just seems such a battle sometimes. Asking him to give me his dirty clothes, to shower, to brush his teeth - all met with resentment. He just holds his head and totally hates being asked/reminded what to do.

    Of course, my sister still turns up every few weeks.. to be met with the 'oh darling, your sister Beverley doesn't do anything for me'.:mad:

    Yeah.. sure... nothing.. f*** all... that's what I do!!!

    So.... as you can see from my rant.... you are not alone in your struggles hun and I totally feel for you!

  20. KarenR

    KarenR Registered User

    Oct 25, 2009
    Nr. Basingstoke
    This is how it has recently become with my mother. Most of the time she talks complete rubbish. The two halves of our conversations don't match up at all and I feel like I'm trying to communicate with an alien. :(

    She has also very recently started being extremely unco-operative and even rude. If you didn't know she had dementia you'd really think she was talking the p***. For example, I go in to give her tablets 2-3 times a day and she seems to be using this to play a 'game' with me. I hand her the tablets and she will stare at them and finger them. She'll hold the glass of water and then start to look bored. I have to tell her to put the tablets in her mouth, as recently she threw them in the water or put them on the table. She says 'OK', but nothing happens and we get the bored staring into space look. If I repeat it she'll either say OK or she'll often pass them to me and say 'here you are then', or 'take your tablets' or 'give them to her'. If I say 'no mum, they are your tablets' she'll say, 'yes they are your tablets'. :rolleyes: This can go on for ages, she seems to relish it! Yesterday during the tablet giving time she also asked me if I had any friends, and later asked if I was happy. I've tried explaining that I am only helping by giving her the tablets she's been prescribed by the doctor, but I still feel she thinks I'm trying to get one over on her or something.

    She started being a bit like this for putting her teeth in, as if it was something I had cooked up on purpose just to annoy her. It got so bad every morning and evening that I'm afraid I have given up fighting with her and she now goes without the teeth unless we need to go out.

    She used to be confused but pretty co-operative, so it has come as a bit of a shock that she can be so awkward. This weekend it even extended to eating her food and to going to bed, it all seems to be one long fight and it's really depressing.

    It is so sad that the dementia has turned her into this person I no longer recognise. :(

    Hope things are better imac.

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