This is it is it? Ernest

[Ernest]

My OH came home on Thursday. Its now Sunday and since 16th January is still here. Before he's lasted a day before falling and going back into hospital. I've got carers arranged which he agreed to, so that I could go back to work. He now says he doesn't want them as he doesn't want a woman telling him what to do.!! I've told him that's tough but this is how it is. Am I going to have to battle everything?
He shouts at me but is nice as pie to others. How do I get him to try to do more instead of letting things wah over him ? He refuses to do the exercises the physiotherapist gave him to improve his mobility and refuses to say that he's finding anything difficult even though I can see he does. Is this it?

 

[Kevinl]

This "Am I going to have to battle everything?" is your choice. You may win a battle and he may remember something you've said for weeks, days, hours, minutes or seconds, he may forget it instantly so for him it never even happened. You can fight as many battles as you like with AZ but the one thing that is certain is you will lose the war, there is no fighting it, like when you're in quicksand the more you struggle the faster you sink.
My wife has little or no control over what she does so her reaction to me is based on the workings of her rapidly disintegrating capabilities, mine are not so the choices are only open to me, her mind is beyond making any rational decision so only I can adapt to how our life together is and will be in the future.
K

 

[Grannie G]

Hello @Ernest

You really are struggling to balance your lives and there'll be TP people who will know just how it is.

Many have been helped by the following;

https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/threads/compassionate-communication-with-the-memory-impaired.30801/

 

[Bree]

Hello @Ernest

You really are struggling to balance your lives and there'll be TP people who will know just how it is.

Many have been helped by the following;

https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/threads/compassionate-communication-with-the-memory-impaired.30801/

Hello Ernest,

I have to say I can fully understand your experiences, as I have had the same issues with MOH. Whilst I appreciate the sage words of the compassionate-communication, I feel that it's very easy to stand outside looking in, and say this is what you should do. No-one is a saint, we have all felt stress and pressure whilst caring for a partner with dementia. If you can live by the wise words, all well and good. For myself, I do the best I can for MOH, but sometimes I could scream.