This have escalated - what happens now?

[Karris]

Over the last couple of days mum has become more confused. Her medication carousel alerted the community wardens that she hadn't taken her medication. When I finally got her to answer the phone she said she had been to church to find her husband (who has been dead for 4 years). She has been objecting to having a cleaner that I arranged through saying she has no money now since he died and she wont let anyone do shopping for her. Her house is filthy and she has nothing to eat.
I rang social services who told me that without a dementia diagnosis they can't intervene and to ask her GP to do an assessment. When I rang the GP and he rang me back he said he would go and see her, which he did and now he has upgraded her 'vascular disease with MCI' to 'vascular dementia' and referred to social services.

I mentioned the manipulation and lying and he said 'I've been her doctor for 10 years, I know.'

So should we tell her? And what happens now? What can social services do? What do I need to do?

The GP told me that there is no treatment and it is a matter of management. She's been phoning me tonight telling me she feels like she's being railroaded onto things (mainly by me, it seems), so I can't imagine that she's going to let people make decisions for her easily.

There's only a bit of my mum left, she seems like a different person.

 

[Tin]

I don't have any real experience with social services, my mum lives with me and I am her full time carer, but knowing Vascular Dementia, I would not tell or discuss this with your mum, no point really unless you want to anger her more. I would make sure that social services contact you to make arrangements/appointment for home visit. I should imagine that social services will first try carers and if that does not work then not sure what next. I would keep pushing for a home visit asap and once you get a date, you can decide then if you should discuss with your mum, or tell her on the day.

Sorry, not much help, but as you know, some knowledgeable people here and feel sure they will be along soon with bags of advice on how to deal with social services.

 

[Kevinl]

I rang social services who told me that without a dementia diagnosis they can't intervene and to ask her GP to do an assessment. When I rang the GP and he rang me back he said he would go and see her, which he did and now he has upgraded her 'vascular disease with MCI' to 'vascular dementia' and referred to social services.

What a load of rubbish, you don't need a diagnosis of anything and you don't need a GP referral. Lesson 1 never use the phone when you're dealing with Social Services.
You can request the assessment on the link (assuming you're in the Manchester near me) below and it starts a paper trail.
My (now late) mother lived in Manchester and I found the social services there to be very helpful when I dealt with them on her behalf, but that was some years ago now, things may have changed.
K

https://secure.manchester.gov.uk/forms/form/423/en/social_care_for_adults_online_referral

 

[Karris]

Social services portal...

Thank you, that's all good to know.

I did initiate the social services alert through the portal but even though I asked them to deal with it via me, they rang her and asked her if she needed support.

Of course she said she didn't, so back to square one, which is why I tried another route.

Hopefully this will progress now, but I don't know what social services will do re support and care? I know they need to assess.

 

[Kevinl]

Sadly, social services do seem to wait for a crisis before they get involved seems to be the way these days.
They should do an assessment then put in a care package to support her in her own home, up to 4 visits a day is normal but if she refuses to accept help then, if they consider her a danger to herself then they could section her and put her in hospital or an assessment unit.
K

 

[Moggymad]

Social care

Hi in my dealings with social care they need the agreement of the person requiring the care before any services can be put in place. This will be done at their assessment stage but word of warning - if your mum won't agree there isn't anything they can do. Whilst your mum is deemed to have 'capacity' mentally, her approval will always be required. They have to comply with Mental Capacity Act. I still don't know who decides on the 'capacity'. In my mums case a crisis of sorts occurred which set us on the path to help from NHS crisis team which after 6 wks transferred to a regular care package. Once the need has been established by health care professionals it does seem easier to get help. By this time mum learned to accept the help which made life a bit easier all round. I wish you the very best of luck, do not give up, it's a real plus that the doctor knows her so well.