Be cared for my brother for over 4 yrs now in my home. Not only with the fact he has early onset dementia but also on his day to day challenges of going through a divorce and fighting to see his son..and I’ve had to help with court hearings and paperwork etc. it’s been a challenge and a year ago I reduced my hours to part time. His dementia is loads worse and he is uriniating around the house and missing the toilet and putting soiled toilet paper behind the cabinets etc. and in terms of help with adapting the house for a downstairs bathroom I’ve got a brick wall as the waiting list is over a year and I can’t deal with my house smelling of wee anymore. I’ve just had our first holiday in 4 years and my brother went into respite and since I’ve struggled to get back into the role as his carer. He settled okay with respite so I’m thinking now is the time to ask for a care assessment but I feel awful.. but I’m not in a good place mentally and I think it’s because in a way I feel I have already lost my brother. I’m struggling with everything and the guilt of not being able to keep him at home. But I also feel I need to prioritise myself. It took me a year to fight for respite for 2 weeks and I have been told that regular respite isn’t guaranteed. Anyone else been in a similar situation!?
Think it’s time to think about long term care
- Thread starter lfox
- Start date
no, I am new to this and I am not going through anything you have been going through. 4 years. and you took him in. you have done so much, I am full of respect for you. the guilt will be overwhelming but sanity must prevail. get your life back. he was okay in respite care, that is good. please put whatever energy you have left to get your brother into a home, and continue to love and care for him by visiting him. start the ball rolling. it won't be a walk in the park but you need to start with that assessment. good luck, God bless you
Hello @lfox You have been looking after your brother for a long time and it really sounds as if you are finding it difficult to cope. I would agree with @leny connery that it is time to consider residential care for your brother. This way he would have a team of people looking after him 24/7 not just one tired carer. You would still be looking after him, just in a different way, visiting him and being his advocate.
Please contact your local social services to set this in motion. Explain exactly how you feel and that you are reaching carer breakdown.
Please keep posting about how you are getting on.
Please contact your local social services to set this in motion. Explain exactly how you feel and that you are reaching carer breakdown.
Please keep posting about how you are getting on.
I agree with the title of your thread @lfox. I do think it’s time for you to consider long time care for your brother. You are approaching carer breakdown and need to look after yourself as well as your brother. Please contact social services and let them know that your brother is a vulnerable person and you can no longer provide care for him. This link may be of help -
www.alzheimers.org.uk
Assessment for care and support in England
What are care assessments and how can people with dementia and their carers access them? This information is for care and support in England.
www.alzheimers.org.uk
You have done a marvellous job at looking after your brother. We are also making that difficult decision to put our Mam into 24/7 care. The guilt at even thinking about it is bad enough, start those first steps isnt any easier and also I have guilt because I know the relief I am going to feel when she is in a carehome. Sorry if that all sounds very negative but I guess what I am trying to say is I think these are very normal feeling because we care so much. You want your brother happy and safe and 24/7 care would provide that and it would make you a better sister because you won't be stressed, you can visit and take him out and enjoy his company.
Let us know how you get on.
