The scattering

maria29al

Registered User
Mar 15, 2006
426
59
Warwickshire
Yesterday we finally scattered Dad at the Local Crem..which is a very beautiful wooded place.

We found an area with a lovely little tree stump and a rabbit warren under some huge oak trees. We scattered him each by hand and sat in the sunshine talking about Dad. The strong wind died to a light breeze for the time we were there.

My sister from NZ didnt say a word to me ...which was probably a good thing.

Although I miss Dad so much I feel calmer now..his body is resting now in a lovely place..and his soul is always with us wherever we go.

Thank you for all your messages regarding this traumatic time...your words have been of immense help and comfort over the last few months.

Hugs
M
x
 

Kathleen

Registered User
Mar 12, 2005
639
66
West Sussex
Hello Maria

It sounds as if you have chosen a beautiful place for your Dad's ashes. I am glad it went well for you.

He will always be in your heart, only a thought away.

Take good care of yourself.

Kathleen
 

Tender Face

Account Closed
Mar 14, 2006
5,379
NW England
Thanks for sharing that, Maria ... sounds beautiful ... that sense of 'calm' really comes across.... for yourself and your dad.

God bless,

Love, Karen, x
 

maria29al

Registered User
Mar 15, 2006
426
59
Warwickshire
Thanks for your messages.
My younger sister has since said that she thinks I behaved badly as I didnt say Hello to my older sister from New Zealand....to be honest, I didnt know what to say to her after all the nasty emails I got from her re Dads illness and so I thought it best to say nothing unless she spoke to me first. It seems like I got it wrong...again...

Does anyone else have as many family problems concerning loved ones and care of them as I seem to be having?

Which ever way I turn I seem to face hostility. It is really getting me down now.

M
x
 

Tender Face

Account Closed
Mar 14, 2006
5,379
NW England
Hi Maria

Well I was brought up with the doctrines 'least said, soonest mended' and 'if you haven't got something good to say, don't say anything'..... so I'm 'with you' on this if that's help..... (thank goodness mum can't see how I ramble on here!)

However 'calm' and beautiful the event was, you are all grieving - and consciously or subconciously will be using your own coping mechanisms to deal with it ... perhaps that's why your (NZ) sister seemed to be nasty to you - perhaps her emails were her way of 'lashing out' at the grief and frustration at all that has gone before - unfortunately directed at you simply because that was one easily available 'channel' for her anger.... (and if anyone is like me - I sure do get a lot of anger released by giving the old keyboard a good bashing!) ... same, too that your younger sister now sees fit to find something to criticise ... all at a time when you're so vulnerable yourself, and will probably (again if you're anything like me) take everything too much to heart....

Perhaps as you all move through the 'grief process' each of you will have time to reflect and some equilibrium will be restored? I do hope so for you, Maria....

WE all know what a 'grand job' you've done .... perhaps your sisters see you as the 'strong one' and think you're perfectly capable of dealing with whatever they throw at you too?????

Thinking of you......

Love, Karen, x
 

mel

Registered User
Apr 30, 2006
1,656
63
Sheffield
Hi Maria
It was 2 months before I summoned up the courage to scatter dad's ashes...can't explain why....it just seemed all so final I think.....His ashes were buried in the church grounds...the church he loved and did so much for......When I went to put some roses on the spot out of his garden last year on his birthday...the bell ringers were practising....it was so lovely ...he would have loved that...

I wonder if your sisters are feeling terribly guilty......I think I would have reacted the same as you at this point....you're all still grieving and feelings are still raw....don't beat yourself up about "getting it wrong"....you haven't!!!...Now's the time to not look back....look ahead...always look ahead....
Love xx