1. judyjudy

    judyjudy Registered User

    Mar 19, 2008
    32
    west sussex
    Hi Everyone,
    The Meeting went really well, everything that I knew already and I feel supported by the fact that everyone says I am making the right decision re EMI home. This brings me on to the second bit of 'good' news.
    My mother is having her pre-assessment for the home tomorrow pm and the Home have told me that subject to the assessment she has a room. Alleluia....
    Question:- Went to see her this pm and stayed about 1 hour. I went with her brother - it is the 1st time he has seen her since she has been in hospital. He is behind me 100 percent. I got home and a friend (Spanish) asked me how things were. Stupidly, in retrospect I said that her brother was surprised that I had been able to continue as I had. Response from friend, more or less, poor you nothing, poor your mother.Why do you only spend an hour there. Of course I am sorry for my mother, of course I would rather she wasn't in this situation. Mentally I can't cope much more. Have you had experience of this sort of thing? How do I respond?
    Entry into Home will only be the start of a new battle I fear but, at least I have cleared the first hurdle!
    Thanks for all your support
    Judy
     
  2. germain

    germain Registered User

    Jul 7, 2007
    342
    Hi Judy,

    Well my very first thought is to tell the so called friend to ******off !


    However, she probably doesn't understand a single thing about dementia and the effect that it has on the people watching it take away their family members. Perhaps she could read some of the posts on this site before commenting next time. But there again, she is just reacting in the same way as lots of friends and even close relatives have reacted to other members of this site.


    As for you Judy - I'd say that you should visit as often and for as long as you feel able to cope. If thats 5 minutes thats OK and if its 5 hours thats OK too. Remember that you will still be caring for your Mum even after she has moved to the home and you will need all your energies still. And you probably deserve a bit of a rest/break now anyway. Some homes advise not to visit for the first couple of days to let people settle- that will be a break for you.


    Do whatever's right for you and "blow" the rest ! You know you are doing the right thing for your Mum so its some "me" time due now.


    All the best

    Germain
     
  3. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,896
    Kent
    Judy, there is nothing worse than people who know nothing about dementia but think they know better than you.
    I would have shown her the door.
    I get this from my sister who offers unsolicited advice and all of it is unsuitable.

    Forget your `friend` and be pleased the meeting went well, your mother`s care is nearly sorted and you are doing everything right. Also know your uncle is is full agreement with you.

    Good luck for tomorrow, let us know, please. :)

    Love xx
     
  4. heartbroken

    heartbroken Registered User

    Feb 17, 2008
    747
    derbyshire
    has your friend ever spent time with your mum?
    guess not, you are doing the right thing good luck for tomorrow
     
  5. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    I agree with this entirely. We all do what we can do, and no-one who hasn't lived with dementia has the right to judge.

    Forget her, she knows nothing!

    I hope tomorrow's meeting goes well,

    Love,
     

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