Of course it all ultimately boils down to cost, but I do think we have a different mindset in this country compared with many of the Scandinavian ones.They have eyewateringly high taxes to pay for these schemes, but there seems to be an understanding that this is for the greater good, even if you personally don't benefit. As we know from the outrage caused when NI contributions were increased, and it was suggested that some of this might go to social care, many of us are only interested in something that will benefit us - stuff everyone else!
The Bus Stop to Nowhere
- Thread starter Zeevee1103
- Start date
I often took mum “home” to the village in southern Italy where she was born grew up and emigrated from in her late 40s.I arranged to rent a house in the area where she had spent all her early life, which was just 100 meters away from the house that we had lived in before emigrating.we couldn’t stay in that house although it was our property as it was a kitchen, 1 room and bathroom, also on a steep slope.
Mum got up early and agitated, she was out on the streets talking to the locals , people that mum had known all her life, it came out that she was so upset she could not stay in this house as in her childhood/youth a family of “loose women who had frequent men visiting lived there”, she couldn’t possibly stay in that house.
I was forced for my sanity to move her to the completely inappropriate property on the steep slope. When we got there she opened the window, saw the view of the open space and mountains and she said “home”.
She may have been home, but her behaviours were the same. One morning when I went to check on her she had put chairs by the front door to stop anyone coming in, as “someone” had stolen her jewelry overnight, I found the jewelry wrapped up in a towel. We would take her meals, she would say she would eat later, the meal would be put in the fridge, my cousins called in to see her, and mum would tell her how “ that daughter of mine isn’t feeding me”
She set off up the slope to her brother’s house to tell him that she had been burgled !
Even though we had taken her “home” she had bought all of her challenging behaviors with her.
I also remember we had a family wedding, I took ger to the hairdresser to have her hair wash and set, by the time we got to the wedding she looked like a scarecrow as she had tried to comb it out .
Certainly a village like that would not have helped my mum, and would be wasted in my husband with bv FTD as he spends all his awake hours watching tv.
Definitely one size does not fit all!
Mum got up early and agitated, she was out on the streets talking to the locals , people that mum had known all her life, it came out that she was so upset she could not stay in this house as in her childhood/youth a family of “loose women who had frequent men visiting lived there”, she couldn’t possibly stay in that house.
I was forced for my sanity to move her to the completely inappropriate property on the steep slope. When we got there she opened the window, saw the view of the open space and mountains and she said “home”.
She may have been home, but her behaviours were the same. One morning when I went to check on her she had put chairs by the front door to stop anyone coming in, as “someone” had stolen her jewelry overnight, I found the jewelry wrapped up in a towel. We would take her meals, she would say she would eat later, the meal would be put in the fridge, my cousins called in to see her, and mum would tell her how “ that daughter of mine isn’t feeding me”
She set off up the slope to her brother’s house to tell him that she had been burgled !
Even though we had taken her “home” she had bought all of her challenging behaviors with her.
I also remember we had a family wedding, I took ger to the hairdresser to have her hair wash and set, by the time we got to the wedding she looked like a scarecrow as she had tried to comb it out .
Certainly a village like that would not have helped my mum, and would be wasted in my husband with bv FTD as he spends all his awake hours watching tv.
Definitely one size does not fit all!
So true. We all want our loved ones to be happy (or at least, reasonably content) and it's easy to project our own perceptions and feelings onto them, imagining they would like what we like.
I looked again at the pictures of the village, in particular the one of the old guy sitting 'contentedly' by the woodshed. (Scroll down the page a bit.) They say a picture is worth a thousand words but is it? He may be sitting there enjoying his fag without a care in the world. Equally he might be hallucinating, wondering where the heck he is or anxiously thinking his mother should be home by now.
I think it's very easy to say the village is what they'd all like and if only we could afford it for everyone what a wonderful world it would be...
I'm really not sure that's the answer and I'd like to suggest a better one! I don't think surroundings matter that much - I think people matter. My 'ideal' would be for every person with dementia going into care to have a one-to-one carer who would stay with them (might take a team of 2 or 3!) and really get to know them as an individual so they could react appropriately. Example: activities in care homes take place at set times. People with dementia have their own time schedules so if they happen to be asleep, they miss the activity. With individual care, they could play bingo or make an easter bonnet in the middle of the night if that's when they were most receptive. The same with food - knowing what they may like, knowing their moods, offering food at the right times rather than at mealtimes only, etc.
People with dementia need full-on, individual care, tailored to their needs, something that's virtually impossible to achieve in any institution. I suppose what I'm really describing is the sort of care family give at home but done by professionals in a care home setting. Ha! Just imagine: people caring for your loved one in exactly the way you'd do it yourself! I can only dream...
Having looked at some of the evidence out there I would say its fairly non existent, the word 'environment' comes up an awful lot, but no one seems to know what an 'environment' should be like for someone with advancing dementia. Not to distract but this also brings me to another annoying point 'person or patient centered care' -that's another conundrum
I have heard of it. Not experienced it. Just seems accepting it and carrying on day by day the best they can. As much as I wish my Mum could do this. She is in a care home. Who do care. It's not the same as having freedom without locked doors. Families also have to accept it. Learn as you go along and do the best you can for your loved one.
I had a phone call from the drs surgery about 5weeks ago to “do oh annual dementia review “ and they were coming to our house. In 8 years we have never had an annual review so I was rather shocked. A paramedic employed by the surgery came out . He was lovely but I think he probably had been given a very quick tutorial on dementia but at least the surgery recognised that the oh existed. It has been years since he has seen a go although he has had a couple of hospital visits. Facilities in Suffolk are very poor
