Terminally ill mum caring for dad

[Ellen123]

Hello. My dad is in the early stages of dementia and my mum is terminally ill with cancer. She is increasingly frail and vulnerable, but still having to provide round the clock care for my dad. I live fairly locally but I work full time, so I'm not able to be there as much as she needs me to be.
The doctor refuses to give my dad a formal diagnosis because he keeps passing the '2min' dementia test, despite the fact that he gets confused, angry, talks to people who aren't there, gets lost in his own house and can't care for himself.
What support is there for my mum? Without the dementia diagnosis there doesn't seem to be much available to her.

 

[jennifer1967]

im wondering if a charity like macmillan would be useful as they could sign post your mum to other services. maybe social services for care assessment for both

 

[Grannie G]

Welcome @Ellen123

I`ve not heard of the `2min` dementia test but have found more information about it here;

The two-minute dementia test after Fiona Phillips revealed Alzheimer's diagnosis

TV presenter Fiona Phillips has revealed she has Alzheimer's

www.birminghammail.co.uk

Many people with dementia will answer these questions in good faith but their answers may not be the reality.

Doctors try to eliminate everything else before settling on a diagnosis of dementia.

@jennifer1967 suggestion is a good one. Macmillan cancer support may be able to offer what your GP is not.

 

[canary]

Hi @Ellen123
You dont need a diagnosis to be able to contact Social Services for a needs assessment for either (or both) of your mum and dad.
I do not have a diagnosis for OH (he too can pass the Mini Mental State Examination - the 2 min screening test), but I have had a needs assessment for OH and he has carers coming in now to help him shave, wash and dress.
Get in contact with your local adult services.

 

[Sarasa]

Welcome to Dementia Talking Point @Ellen123. I think you could try a two-pronged approach. Contact services like Macmillan and Marie Curie for help for your mother, or maybe go back to her consultant and explain what is happening.
As for your dad I'd send his GP in a bullet pointed list of your concerns about him and hope he/she then sends him to the memory clinic for further investigation. My mother did well at the mini-memory test as at the time her memory was OKish, it was her logic that was awry.
I think you should also contact social services about them both. Stress that they are vulnerable adults at risk.
This is a very supportive and friendly site, so I'm glad you've found us.